The Devil In You

Sun And Earth

Suggested listening: Avril Lavigne - Tomorrow

It had been some months since Jin finally found a well renowned psychiatrist for patients suffering from a sexual assault PTSD. He was attending his sessions religiously twice a week, as suggested by the doctor, but had a hard time believing he was making any tangible progress. He was impatient, and that didn't go well hand in hand with therapy. He tried and tried to be more open, but every time he ended up more hurt after a session, his belief he could get better would get weaker and weaker.

-Jin, you can't expect it to work like magic, it takes time, sadly a lot of time. And yes, it's not supposed to be comfortable either. How do you think you can confront your trauma if you don't talk about it as openly as possible?

-But it hurts! I leave the doctor's office hurting more than when I got in. Something must be wrong!

-No, it's perfectly normal. It means you stroke a nerve. And it's good, it means you're finally working on it. Please, Jin, believe me, I've seen this times and times again. The disbelief, the will to end it all because it hurts too much. But this is exactly the moment when you have to give it your all, you're finally starting to address it head on. Head on, remember? That's the Jin Kazama way I remember.

-Fine, I will go to the next sessions. But I feel shaken. I just want to lay on the bed in fetal position and look at the walls.

-So, go outside and take a walk in the woods instead. Or have a good session of training and blow off some steam. Challenge your negative instinct, Jin. It wants to beat you down. React. I know it's the most difficult thing right now, but try. Then, after you've done something, rest.

-Hwoarang?

-Yes.

-Can you make some tea? I never got to taste your famous sencha tea after all.

The Korean glowed up. -Of course. You sit down, I'll bring some snacks too.

Hwoarang served the tea just like Jin used to do, then sat down too. Jin was looking at him, more like staring to tell the truth, and the redhead felt a little uneasy.

-Why are you staring at me like that? Did I do something wrong?

-No, the doctor said I have to shake off the prison's habit not to look anybody in the eyes. So, I'm trying.

-A little too much, Jin? I feel like you're cutting through my face.

They both giggled. It was the first time Hwoarang heard Jin laughing since he got out. It felt so good he wanted to hug him and cry.

-Anyway, you have to taste the tea. It won't be as good as yours, but I hope it's drinkable at least.

Jin took a sip, looked at the upper angle of his eyes, clearly thinking, then another sip. He then put the cup down on the table.

-It's good. You brewed it for a little too much time, but it's good. You learned well.- he smiled.

-You have the most beautiful smile on the entire fucking planet, and I don't have enough words in my stupid vocabulary to explain it to you. It's... it makes the room light up. You are the Sun, Jin Kazama, the goddamn Sun itself. I couldn't live without you.

Jin stood up and sat behind Hwoarang, legs around his body. He hugged him tight, so tight it almost hurt, and he kissed the Korean on the temple.

-You always had your way around with words. They made me feel worthless. I thought I deserved it, for what I had done, that it was some kind of cosmic repentance I had to go through to repay for my sins to the world. I didn't even fight it. First, because the guards would pin it on me anyway, and I couldn't bear other time in solitary. Then, I had no will to. Worthless was the word that kept coming up in my mind while it happened. I felt it. And I couldn't think about you to escape with my mind because... I thought I didn't deserve you anymore.

Silent tears streamed down Hwoarang's eye. It hurt him so much talking about himself like that, he would have like to scream. His precious, broken Jin. He was grateful he was opening up to him, of course. But damn, it hurt worse than Devil Jin's metal claws.

-You... you will always deserve me, Jin, no matter what you do. Our bond is stronger than anything, of this I'm sure. I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for what you went through, for the thought it made you have. And I can't thank you enough for sharing all that with me. I am honoured by your trust. See? Here you see your progress, Jin. You barely spoke at all when you came home. At all. Now you're able to elaborate that to me, your lover, and it must have been hella difficult to begin with. We can do this. You can do this. You are stronger than this, and you, you are anything but worthless, and you didn't deserve anything that happened in there, NO ONE deserves something so horrible, it doesn't matter if your brain still tells you otherwise now. You listen to me. No one deserves that.

The two kissed, briefly and delicately, then looked intensely in each other's eyes. Hwoarang laid down, putting his head in Jin's lap.

-If I am the Sun, what are you, magnificent one?

-Me? I am but the Earth, looking for light and warmth.

-You know one day I will die out, right?

-Yeah, I will be long gone by then, so at least I won't have to witness it.

-But I will see you going. Not fair.

-Nothing is fair. And you see, I am a mere planet. You have the destiny of a star.