Fault lines

Chapter 9: Confidence Man

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Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget, or you stop wishing that you can change the past. Mainly it means that you accept the idea that you're not perfect, because no one is perfect. And terrible things can happen to anyone.

Nicholas Sparks, The Return

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Chapter 9: Confidence Man

James heard a knock on his door about twenty minutes after Juliet stormed out. He was lying fully dressed, flat on his bed with his feet still planted on the floor, and his arms spread wide when he growled, "What?"

The door creaked open and Jin and Miles poked their heads inside. "Dude, you okay?" Miles asked warily. James didn't answer. They gave each other suspicious looks before stepping inside and shutting the door to block out the music coming from the living room.

"I don't remember sayin' nothin' about you comin' in," James grumbled, and pulled a pillow over his face.

"You o-kay?" Jin asked, echoing Miles's earlier sentiment.

"Does it look like I'm okay?" James shouted into his pillow.

Miles' and Jin's jaws dropped. "Horace was askin' where you went, man. We came to get you and heard like - slamming or thumping or something, so we thought you were either punching stuff or hooking up. Then - " Miles couldn't even finish, he was too stunned.

Jin picked up where he left off. "We see Juliet run from your room. She look… angry."

"Yeah, so we waited a little while and came to check on you… what the hell happened? Did you - did you guys - ?"

James sat straight up, glaring daggers at Miles. What was he going to say? Should he lie? Would it make things worse when Juliet found out he told? Every single fucking decision he seemed to make lately had been the wrong one.

"That's none 'a your damn business," he said instead, though even to him it sounded like an admission. He watched as Miles and Jin processed this non-information, and saw Miles start to snicker. The grimace on James's face must have been enough to warn him not to say anything further.

"She… was very angry," Jin mentioned, scratching the back of his head. "You hurt her?" He really didn't want to get involved, but Juliet was his friend too. He didn't want to see her hurt, and if James had hurt her, they were going to have a problem.

But James scoffed and shook his head before running his hands roughly across his face. "No. I mean, yeah, I guess, but not on purpose," he said, exasperated and desperately trying not to sound like a complete and utter tool.

"Well, what happened?" Miles asked. "You can't just say yes and no."

James really didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't the talking type. But he was having a hard time processing just what in the hell actually did happen, and spent the last 20 minutes berating himself for fucking this up so fast. He had emotional whiplash from hell; from feeling happy and excited to be kissing her, to guilty and a little grimy from fucking her against the wall for their first time, to finally devastated and remorseful for making the wrong choices, yet again, regardless of his motivations.