I never knew I needed him sm..

Yina

We haven't talked much after the hug, we were just sitting like this for some time until I said that it's time for me to go home.

It was a lie.
My parents wouldn't care what time I go home.

I just didn't knew what to say after a hug.

I know it sounds stupid but I was just to worried and went trough all the things I could say. But nothing. Nothing got to my mind.

So I just excused myself, like I always do. Excuses. Excuses...

My life turned worse after holiday. I don't know what happened, but my happiness just disappeared.

I got depressed. My biggest fear got true.

I always was scared that I will lose my happiness and will to live. But it just happend. From one moment to the other.

On my way home after the hug. I was only thinking about it.

What was he thinking about me now?

Does he thinks I'm strange, because I showed no emotion after?

Will he tell this to anyone?

I couldn't think of anything else than that. I was overt thinking again. Like I usually do after a situation that's new to me.

After some minutes of walking I arrived at home. If i even can call it "home".

I took out my key and opend the door.
Our house looked normal from outside. It was painted in white and looked pretty normal. Even the inside looked modern. The door was out of glass and you could see a small part of our home. I walked in and closed the door behind me. My mum was sitting in the living room watching tv. My dad was at work. I was happy he was, because my mum was only violent when my dad was around. Probably cause she is scared of him.

I walked up the stairs into my room.

My room was the smallest room from our house. My parents were rich and our house had many empty rooms. But still my parents gave me the smallest out of them.

My furniture was bought by me. My mum or dad would never buy me some. Thats also the reason I'm working.

I have to buy food, clothes and furniture by myself.

Even if my room was small it was cozy. The walls were painted in a warm white. I had a small bed and some colorfull pillows lying on the bed. A desk, that also was my makeup desk, and a small sofa in the corner. I didn't had a big closet, but a small ones hanging on the wall.

I laid down my bag on the floor and started undressing. I folded my school uniform and hang it on my door. Then I opend my closet and looked for some Pyjama. At the time I dont had enough money to buy new clothes. So I used some too big or too small clothes that were left by my sister.

I took out a oversized shirt and put it on. I was tired from work. But I knew I needed a second job. So I opend my mac book and sat down on my couch. While I scrolled trough the job center website. I heard a ring on the door.

Shit. My dad. Everyday this was the moment my life gets worse. I went downstairs and opend the door.

" Hello dad" I said with a quit voice. I hated calling them mum and dad. But they told me to.

" Hello Yina." He gave me his jacket and walked in. His shoes were dirty but he still walked on the floor I just had cleaned yesterday.

" Please dad put of your shoes."

"Shut up and go bring me my house clothes." he grabbed my arm and pushed me forward.

I fell on the floor but immediately stood up and walked to Hai dressing room.
It was a room even bigger than mine. I opend the shelf and took out some black shirt and a white shirt.

I walked back and gave him his clothes.
He didn't even dared to look at me, or say thank you. As he walked away I looked at him with disgust. But unfortunately my mum saw me.

"HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT HIM LIKE THIS. YOU USELESS CHILD."

My dad heard everything and some second after I heard his heavy steps walking from the living room to the corridor we were standing in. When I saw his face full of anger. I got scared. I tried ran up to my room but he was faster. He packedy shoulder and turned me around with force.

" Look me in my eyes!"

I was too scared to look at him.

"I SAID LOOK AT ME!"
His voice was loud very loud. I always wondered how the neighbors couldn't hear us.

He took his hand and grabbed my face. The he turned around my face so oir eyes met. I saw his face. It was scary. Then he slapped me with his whole energy and punched me on the floor. He looked at me a last time. Then he turned around and walked awa.

" Go up your room I don't want go see you anymore." His deep voice said walking away into the kitchen.

I stood up with pain everywhere.

I slowly walked upstairs while whipping the blood from my nose with my shirt.

My white shirt was now coverd in red marks.

I went to the bath and washed my face with cold water. It burned. My whole face was red. My nose was bleeding and my shoulder was hurting. He isn't slapping my face often but if he does
Then he does it hard,very hard.

I knew that I couldn't go to school and work tomorrow, because Im pretty sure, my face will not look good tomorrow.

I took some toilet paper and folded it into a small roll. Then I pressed it into my nose. I looked at me in the mirror. And like always I was disappointed in myself.

It was my fault he did that. It was always my fault.

Why did I looked at him. I coud have just walked up to my room and be quit.

I always do something wrong. I hated myself for this. Why couldn't I jsut be quit..

I walked out the bath into my room.

Afterwards I closed the door and looked it.

Then I remembered the hug. I totally forgot about it.

What will he think if I don't go to school tomorrow?

I should have asked for his number.

No but maybe it's weird asking someone after his number. We only know eachother 1 day.

I laid down on my bed. It was already around 11 pm. It was dark outside and I was very tired.

But I couldn't sleep. I had to much pain. So I stood up and opend my desk shelf.

I went trough my stuff looking for my pain killers.

There they were. I took them out and swallowed it without water.

Them I laid down on my bed again. I unlocked my phone and went trough my contacts.

- Ken-yon-(Boss)
- Seol ^^
-Daiki
-Ichiro~
-Kaouru°×°

I wrote my boss that I won't come tomorrow.

-Good evening Ken yon,
Im sorry but I can't come to work tomorrow, because I'm sick. I will work longer on Thursday then^^.
-Yina-

And also my friend Seol.
I turned off my phone and put it one the floor.

I was just laying on my bed and looking out the window.

After some time I fell asleep..