Summer Savings [Byler]

Chapter 22

Mike was sat on his balcony, legs swinging through the slots in the railings so they could dangle off the edge. The night was cold, and he shivered as he stared down at the moonlight reflecting off the familar surface of the pool below him. He was unable to sleep, his eyes springing open every time he tried, constantly tossing and turning, his brain running a mile a minute. He couldn't stop thinking about his conversations with Will. And not just the ones from that day- but previous ones.

It was only just occuring to him how casually he had talked about being in a relationship to Will. How casually he'd talked about being in a relationship with another boy. And Will had seemed to not be bothered by the prospect, had encouraged it, in fact. They had asked eachother if they liked eachother. As if it was normal. And Will had always answered with "I don't know", never a "no". Will had told him multiple times that he was looking for something serious, and was uninterested in Mike unless he also wanted something serious. Did that mean Will liked him? Did Will think it was right- for boys to like other boys? Did this mean that Will would be in a relationship with him, if given the chance?

And where did he stand with his feelings towards Will?

Mike had only ever been interested in girls, and had only ever had girls show interest in him. Until Will, he'd never had to consider any other prospect. He'd never known there was any other prospect to be considered. But now there was, and it was all down to Will. That made him resent the boy: he'd taken him out of his comfort zone, and now he felt alienated, he was sure they must be the only two people who behaved like this and talked about things like this and acted like this. Now thanks to Will, he was seperated from the rest of the world.

After the shock of Will kissing him, he'd recovered quickly. He'd been kissed lots, by lots of girls, so why was kissing Will any different? None of it meant anything, none of it mattered. But a relationship? That definitely meant something. And he wasn't sure if he'd like what it meant.

He didn't know when he'd started crying, but at some point he had. Not just small tears, but huge, racking sobs that shook his whole body, erupting in ugly cries and large, hot tears that blurred his vision and choked up his throat. Mike knew this couldn't go on forever, so made feeble attempts to steady his breath, and slowly, painfully slowly, the sobbing subsided to just small gulps of air and embarrassing, childish hiccups. He had to think about this rationally. His mind wandered back to the idea that he and Will could be the only two people like this. If so, the question of who he should talk to was answered for him. He knew he had to talk, he couldn't deal with it on his own. And if the whole thing didn't bother Will, he must've already worked through it.

So he stood up, wiped his eyes and brushed his clothes down, slipped on his shoes and a jacket and tiptoed downstairs.

As he walked to Cedar, he thought through what he was going to do and say. Probably just invite Will to hang out, as usual, then bring the subject up. Seemed simple enough. His hands trembled as they clutched, white-knuckled, at the pebbles and rocks he always used to catch Will's attention. He positioned himself under the window, aimed, and threw. And missed. He never missed. But his arms were rubber-like, and tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, making it difficult to be as accurate as he needed to be.

He seized another rock, and threw it. It missed, but was closer to the window frame this time. Mike gritted his teeth in a grimace, it was like he was being taunted. The one time he actually needed Will and he couldn't even throw a rock in a straight fucking line. Finally his clumsily thrown ammo his it's target, richoteing off the window with a loud clatter. Mike waited, and sure enough, the window slid up and Will's head poked out.

Mike waved up to him, grinning, and prayed Will couldn't see any tear-streaks on his face.

"No, Mike, you have to be kidding me," Will called down, but his expression gave away that he wasn't annoyed, and he climbed out the window readily enough. Mike was still shaking slightly, and almost thought he'd drop Will as he let go of the gutter. But he didn't, thankfully.