The Big Mansion on the Hill

♠|Chapter 23|

Blake's POV

Fin was just staring at me with unshed tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Blake." She whispered then launched herself at me. We both just sat there hugging and crying.

"So we're both pretty fucked up?" She asked.

"Ya, pretty much, but you're getting better, and you have Ryder."

"And now you have me, and I will do everything to help you get better."

"And I'll help you in a way that Ryder can't, by being your best friend"

We held out our pinkies and locked them with one another, something we have done our entire lives.

"I love you Fin, and I will do everything I can to make up for the years that we lost."

"I love you, Blake, I'm holding you to that."

We hugged each other and ended up falling asleep.

I woke up at some point feeling thirsty. It was a struggle but I got into my wheelchair and out of the tent without waking Fin.

I went into the kitchen to realize that I couldn't reach either the cups or the sink. I remembered that I had a bottle of water in my bag that I brought anticipating this would happen.

I wheeled my way to my bedroom when I heard crying, it was coming from Ryder and Finley's room. There was only one person it could be, Ryder.

The door was halfway open and I saw Ryder sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, crying.

I knocked on the door and saw him sit up and wipe his eyes, "Come in"

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

I just looked at him with a 'really' look. The miscarriages came back to my mind.

"Finley told me, about the, you know."

"Miscarriages?" I nodded.

"Is that why you were crying?"

I saw the look on his face, he was debating on whether or not he would tell the truth.

"Yeah. I have trying so hard to be strong for Finley, not crying in front of her, being all chipper and go-lucky. But it's hard, it's so fucking hard.  I know I wasn't the one that carried the baby, or went through the pain of losing the baby."

"Hey, you may not have been the one to physically lose the baby or feel the pain, but you are the father, you are allowed to hurt just as much. Don't sell yourself short just because you're the dad. Dads get such a shitty rep, not all dads don't know what they're doing, and based on what I've seen today, you are going to be an excellent dad. You are allowed to grieve."

"Thank you, Blake, that makes me feel better. I have spent so much time making sure Fin was ok that I wasn't taking time to heal myself."

"And while helping Finley is good, you need to help yourself too. Neither of you will ever fully heal, you just cannot. You lost a part of you, not once but 6 times. There is no way that you can just 'be ok' you are both in pain, and this pain is not just physical heart hurting, but also mental pain. Losing your baby takes a toll on your mental health."

"You are a good person, Blake, you have been here for less than 24 hours and you are already helping me with something I have spent the past 2 years trying to move on from."

"I have an idea, this always helped me when I feel like I want everything to end. My parents raised me to think that crying was a sign of weakness. I never once cried for 16 years in fear of getting punished. Ever since my 16th birthday, I feel like all I have done is cry. Jonathon tells me it is because my body is letting out all of the tears that have been building up. And every time that I cried I got angry. Angry with myself for crying, angry with my parents for making me think that crying was wrong. So to help, Jon would always come over and hug me and tell me to cry and just let it all out. In the beginning, I thought it was stupid, but afterward, I felt good, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders."

"So, you want me to just cry? Cry out everything, all of my feelings and emotions."

"Yes. So get down here and let me hug you while you cry into my shoulder getting snot and tears all over my shirt. The ugliest cry you have in you, lay it on me."

"Why do I have to go to you, why can't you come over to me?"

I just stared at him and waited for him to register what he just said.

"Shit, right, wheelchair. Sorry, I forgot."

"Nah, you're fine. It makes me feel better that people don't just see me as 'wheelchair girl'." He smiled and got down to my level.

He hugged me, it was a little awkward because of the chair, but we made it work. As soon as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders the waterworks started. It felt good, knowing that I helped someone, that I am the reason that a person is one step closer to healing.

He cried, a lot and hard. I knew he needed this. I hugged him tighter and rubbed his back. After a little while, his tears turned to sniffles and he pulled back.

"Wow, you were right, I do feel better. Not great, but better."

I smiled, "And it will take a while before you are great again, but you will be, both of you will be. And next time you get the feeling like you want to end it all, just go to Finley, hold onto her for dear life, and cry your heart out. Just be prepared to explain what you feel to Finley though. And I'm pretty sure you know how angry she will be that you did not tell her you were hurting and keeping it to yourself."

"Yeah, the sooner I tell her the better."

"Smart man." We both chuckled and then I went to my room and got the water I needed and went back to the tent and saw Finley still sleeping. I crawled my way back over to her and fell back asleep.

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1030 word count

Cute little Blake and Ryder moment.

I'm thinking of maybe doing a spin-off once I finish this book about Finley and Ryder and their love story. Let me know if you guys would read that.

-A

(edited)