The Long Game

Chapter Seven: Say it ain't so..

I don't know how the hell Steve managed to keep hold of me and carry me to another room..I was kicking and screaming, fighting to try get away, to get back to Bucky. My entire mission had gone to shit and he'd turned my world upside down. I will kill him. Steve carried me to a bedroom, kicking the door shut behind us and placing his back against it before he let me go. I whirled to face him, ready to fight. "Move." I say,my voice choked on tears. Steve remained firmly against the door, both hands held up in front of him. "Please just take a breath... Let's talk about this. That was all overwhelming." He tried to speak softly, to calm me down but it just fueled the anger. "Overwhelming?! Are you fucking kidding me?! He killed my..." I trailed off, how could I say that word.. I didn't know them.. the memory was there, I felt the pain, the terror, the heartbreak but it was as though it had been a dream. It wasn't my life.

My life had been Hydra. Fighting alongside The Winter Soldier, training, killing... alongside the man that had brought me there, that had ruined everything. But did he ruin it? I liked who I was.. I was a damn good killer, I had never been sad or hurt or afraid. And that was down to Hydra and what they did to me. These new memories were confusing me, I was so conflicted. "Who am I, Steve?" As I spoke those words aloud all the anger dissipated from my body, it was as though someone had taken all of the air out of the room. I couldn't breathe suddenly, black spots danced across my eyes and there was a ringing noise in my ears. What the fuck... I stumbled back slightly, tears streaming down my face as I grasp at my chest. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, it was so loud. "Steve... I.. I..." I couldn't find the words, I couldn't catch my breath enough to speak. Bucky had killed my parents in front of me and then taken me to Hydra.

He had made me a killer, he had destroyed my entire life. Everything was too much now, I felt my legs give way and expected to feel the cold floor against my body but instead I felt strong arms around me. Steve lunged forward just in time to catch me, my hands grabbing frantically at his shirt and arm. I was sobbing uncontrollably now, my entire body shaking. Steve lowered the both of us to the ground and settled his back against the bed. "Aurora. Aurora listen to me!" His words were soft despite the urgency behind them, his hand cupped my face and turned my head to look at him. I could barely see him through my stream of tears. "You're having a panic attack. I need you to focus, sweetheart." He placed my hand over his chest, my fingers spreading out as I felt his steady heartbeat beneath my touch. His thumb stroked over my cheek, wiping the tears away. "Focus on me." He whispered, drawing me in close to him. I didn't want him to see me like this, weak and helpless, I couldn't bare to look at him and yet I didn't want to be alone. I shook my head, still sobbing. Ducking my head, I bury my face into his chest, hearing his heartbeat in my ear. Steve frowned and wrapped his arms tight around me, holding me against him. His hand sliding through my hair repeatedly.

"It's okay. You're okay.. you're safe. I've got you." He whispered the words into my ear, over and over as he rocked me gently. I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that for, could be minutes or hours but eventually the tears stopped and I managed to breathe again but I found myself not wanting to move from his arms. "It can't be true.. please say it's not... He.. " I whimpered and buried my face into Steves chest. He didn't speak, simply continued to run his fingers through my hair. I didn't know what to say or do anymore but I knew I couldn't stay in his arms forever. I wasn't weak..

I pulled away and he released me without question, his eyes fixed on me as I stood up, he stood also. I sniffled and whimpered, pacing the room, trying to work out my next move. "Aurora.." His soft voice came to me, I flinch at the name. "Please.. please don't call me that." I stopped pacing and close my eyes.

That's not me.. It can't be me..

"I don't know who I am anymore..."