Romanogers life story (one shots)

Your past is yours

~ Steve finds Natasha's files along with Becky's and their previous relationship ~

Steve walked into the small New York apartment. It might have been small but it was cozy, warm, comfortable and it was home. The first thing he noticed was Natasha, his lovely fiancee, fast asleep on the couch with a book in her hand. He smiled at the view of her although his heart was breaking.

How could the universe be so cruel to him. He finally found the love of his life, someone with shared experience and he wasn't sure if it was meant to be.

As he stepped closer to the living room, the floor made a sound under him and trigger Natasha to wake up. She slowly sat up, her flaming red hair covering part of her face. He walked closer to her and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Hi." She said softly. Her voice laced with tiredness. "Hi sweetheart." The tears forming in his eyes did not go unnoticed to her. "Everything okay?" She asked as gently rubbed his cheek with her thumb. "I hope so, I really really do." Steve got up from his position and Natasha watched as he walked towards his duffle.

"I found this at the sight of our mission." He handed her two folders. They looked dusty, as if they have been untouched for years. She let go of her bookmarked book and opened one of the files. It was Bucky's. She looked up at him and met his eyes. "Wh...uhm...I don't understand." "Open the other one." He said. He sat down on the chair opposite from her. He couldn't watch her open the file, but did not want to leave her just yet.

When she opened it her hand immediately flew to her mouth, covering it for signs of surprise. Steve inhaled deeply and sat up straight. "I'm assuming from you reaction you knew...you remember?" He asked. Natasha's eyes immediately drowned with her own tears. "Steve." She placed the filed on the table between them. "How long?" He asked ever so calmly. "How long Tasha?" He only ever call her "Tasha" when she had pushed all his buttons. "How long damn it?!" He said with a touch of aggression. Natasha buried her face in her hands. "July." She cried. "July? When July? 3 months ago?" He asked. She shook her head slightly. She met his eyes with hers. "Last year." She admitted. Steve let out a laugh, a disappointed one. "You've know for a whole F*KING YEAR?!" He yelled.

Natasha felt so small compared to him, but she knew he had every right to angry. "Steve please let me explain." "I came in here thinking I was about to lose you because...because I thought I was about to trigger you like this file triggered Bucky. Little did I know you already knew this whole time! This whole damn time! BUcky knows by the way so if you want to run a way toge-" "No! never!" Natasha argued. "When in JUly did you know? When were you triggered Tasha?" Steve ran his hand over his face and paced in front of her. Natasha watched him, her heart beating uncontrollably in her chest. "When?" He stopped pacing and looked at her. "Hum...Steve -" "WHEN?!" She broke eye contact with him, "the fourth." She whispered, afraid he would hear. "The...THE FOURTH? My ... my birthday? WHEN WE SLEPT TOGETHER?" Steve fell his knee and was using the coffee table to stable him. "Uhm...you said that you loved me in Russian and called me Natalia -" her tears won't stop flowing. "And you still slept with me?!" "Becaus-" "We're you...we're you waiting for Bucky to remember and then what huh? You run away together and then I was some kind of trophy for you? Huh? 'The one who took Captain America's virginity'?" His last comment clearly took a hit on Natasha. She was looking at him like someone stabbed her and she forgot how to breathe. "Is that...is that how low you see me?" Steve could see the pain in her eyes and hated himself for causing it. "You think .. you really think my goal in this relationship was just to get you in the sack and then leave so I can tell people. You really think that I would spend 2 years with you, accept your proposal, have your back at every fucking mission and then...then just go. Did you really think that if I wanted to be with Barnes that I would be in his apartment right now and don't here, that would go to bed with him and not you." Natasha was playing with the ring on her finger. "Did you think that...this whole 15 months was not tough for me. I have tried so many times to tell you but I couldn't find the right chance, because I was scared that you would hate me and I am exactly right. Did you think that if I wanted to be with Barnes I wouldn't respect you enough to leave the right way? You think so low of me that once Barnes remembers I would just up and leave and forget that I poured my whole entire heart to you, that you are the first person I let in in a very long time, that I would openly be vulnerable to you?" Natasha stared down at her hand. "I guess you are right. You are going to lose me tonight, not because these files would've triggered me, but because you still don't see me as this 'comfortable with anything and everything' spy. You never seen me as Natasha." She slowly slipped the right off of her finger. "Goodbye Rogers." She got up and walked out of the apartment.

After three long weeks, Steve walked into the apartment and noticed the bedroom door ajar. He felt something was off and he immediately put the bag down, as quiet as he could, and pulled his gun out of his holster. He gently walked towards the room and opened the door. "You can put your gun down, I'm only here to grab my stuff." Natasha sounded like she had been crying. "I talked to the landlord to take m name off of the lease. My key...the spare key is in the bowl by the door." Steve watched as she talked and slowly packed her luggage. "You don;t have to worry you'll only see me at SHIELD or if the world needs the avengers, other than that you won't even know that I exist." She zipped up the luggage and sat on the bed. She took a deep breath and wiped her tears. "Don;t worry I wont tell anyone I slept with you." She laughed sadly. "Nat..." "I asked Fury not to assign us anymore missions together. Uhm...I told him its a conflict because of our relationship." She bit her lip to stop herself from crying. "Nat...please don't leave." He was sitting between her feet, hand on her thigh, head on her knee. "Please stay. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have accused you like that. I think I was so scared to lose you and I wasn't sure how to express it. I love you so much, nothing has been the same for the last three weeks. I am so sorry Nat." He was also crying. "I'm sorry too, I should've told you." She said. "Please stay...please. You past is yours but you're my future. Please Nat." His was now hugging her waste, she could feel the tears on her shirt. "I think we should start again Steve. We should do that for now."