Half love, half regret- Elmax

Chapter five

Els pov

I've found that maxs mood changes depending who she is with, or how her therapy's are going. See, max has been working very hard and Joyce said that her mood changes are very normal for the amount of stress she's under. But, when it's just the two of us she is a whole different person! Max is calm, and soft. She lets me touch her and play with her hair, max talks and laughs; and most importantly she lets me help her. Now that max is blind she needs help moving around, cooking, and cleaning. Through she can do it on her own now, at first it was hard because she couldn't see where anything was and if someone moved the smallest thing it would set her off, max explained it was like "if you closed your eyes in a new place, you wouldn't know what to do." If I see anything in the wrong spot I will put it in the right place, doing this helps max and me! Helps max do things on her own and helps me practice my powers. Max and I help each other a lot now. I try to spend more of my days around her, I will drop everything her for, if it means I can see her.

Me and max always talk about what we will do when she's aloud to leave the hospital, we actually made a whole list of things! The list goes on for two whole pages! We also like to write story's; but not just any kind of story's, storys in brail! Because max is now blind she can't read words, so she's learning brail. So for practice we like to write stories about, well, everything! Max says there's no bad idea for a story, anything is good. That's the amazing thing about writing, no matter what the language the story will always have meaning, or at least be fun to make! Because of this, me and max have started to read more too. We are half way done the navy drew series, and have read a lot of wonder woman's comics(at least it feels like) max wants to get more comic books when she gets out says " she just wants to shop for anything, but mainly books." Max likes to talk about wonder woman, she will talk about her for hours, and I will sit through it all; if max loves it, then I do to. Maxs voice is just so beautiful, she makes anything enjoyable even if she's only just sitting in the room everything becomes better. Max makes me better!

My life is getting better, but that doesn't mean everything is better. I feel me and Mike are becoming more distant; Mike doesn't understand why I was( still am) mad at him, every time he tries to 'make it better' he ends up saying something very rude, either about me, will, or max.

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After a long day of practice and talking, El finds herself in the her room listening to a mix tape max has made her before the move to Florida. Material girl plays muffling the loud talking coming from the living room; the party is over for a daily gathering, El normally would join but lately she has had more important things on her mind.

Eleven sits at her desk she's jamming and doodling to the music, she barely hears the knock on the door. She reached for the radio turning down the volume, she also closes her note book. Sighing "come in!" She yell's at the door now facing it.

Mike walks in immediately going to sit on Els bed, it's tense in the room. Both El and Mike avoid looking at each other, the sit quietly both waiting for something. Eleven turns back to her desk looking out the window, Mike coughs awkwardly before speaking "so," he rubs his legs and starts to bounce the left one "Lucas says you and max are spending a lot of time together. He, um, said that you're the reason max is ignoring him." El turns to Mike a whooshing sound followed her head at the speed of the turn, El is shocked to say the least; she hadn't said anything about Lucas to max, let alone tell her to ignore Lucas. If anything Lucas would be ignoring El, eleven takes a minute to think. She's mad. Why would Lucas get Mike to tell her this? Why couldn't he tell her to her face?
"I didn't do anything like that, me and max haven't even talked about Lucas." Mike rolls his eye at els last statement "come on el, I'm not dumb. I know that you two girls talk about boys all the time." Eleven makes a face, max and el haven't talked about boys in a while, at least not in a good way. Before eleven could speak again Mike cuts her off "I mean me and Lucas agree you two should spend less time together and more time with us your boyfriends." This really shocked El because not only are max and Lucas NOT dating, but el doesn't even want to be with Mike anymore and it's been that way for a long time. "Lucas and max are not dating." Mike again rolls his eyes, that was els final straw "Mike, we are not dating. I am breaking up with you." The room is quiet; again the muffled laughter try's to shake the tension, it fails. Mikes jaw is open, his eyes full of shock and confusion, like he had just been stabbed by his mother. "What? You don't mean that!" Mike yells, he stands "eleven you can't just break up with me because I say you should stop spending time with max!" Again he yells. Eleven is so tired she can't deal with Mike and his shit right now.
"That's not why I am breaking up with you. We don't work together, and I do not like you anymore," eleven looks Mike in the eye for the first time in months "leave my room now."
Mike makes a scene of the whole thing, and now people are knocking on Els door, trying to reason with her.
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Mike and el are still broken up, and any time the are in the same room it is very awkward for el, Mike always try's to get back with her, they can't have a normal conversation without him bringing up their relationship. It's not that I want to stop being friends, I just want to stop dating; I still like when we used to spend hours talking, or going to walks around town while Mike tells me about his childhood. I wish he and everyone else could see that, it feels like the only people who support me is max, will, hopper, and Nancy. They all have been super kind to me, especially hopper, when he found out everyone said he practically bounced with joy. But I still can't help like feel I should get back with Mike, that my feelings aren't real and don't matter; that mikes feelings will always be more important than mine, that he is a priority. I feel this way about everything when it comes to Mike, he makes me feel the irrelevant, and makes me think I am always lying even when I am not! I don't understand why it's only Mike that makes me feel so, so, miserable.

It hurts me knowing one of my closest friends makes me want to slit my throat. But, it's worse knowing everyone will always be on his side first, they will almost always choose Mike. That he turns my other friends against me when I disagree with him, or when we break up. I just hate feeling so alone, that's why I love being around max so much; I feel like I am real, and worthy of her attention, of her time and love. I am her first choice, and she will listen to what I have to say, she will try to make us both happy with whatever we are doing. I don't hide my thoughts and ideas from her, I don't have fear of shame with max, I am free from all the bad I have in my mind. Max gives me meaning to fight. I lay awake at night thinking about when I will see her next, about touching her, I think about all the things we have done together and the things we will do; max makes my legs go weak if when I think of her complementing me, she makes me have butterflies in my stomach. When I think of her I feel myself heat up, I get nervous about how I look or if I smell nice. Max makes me feel confident with who I am but also scared about what she will think of me, I want to be with her all the time. I want to live her dream. To be her dream.

I want to give max my whole being and more. I cant wait to see the world with her.