ikigai | enhypen ni-ki

1

"Ingrid!" My manager who handles all my schedules, book release dates, book signing and basically everything else, walks towards me with a cup of coffee in her hands–as usual for me.

"Lena, thanks" Elena, or as I'd like to call her, Lena is probably the sweetest manager I could ever have and probably the only person who supports me here.

Since I'm only new to this big ass company, with still no new work accomplished, I am hated, bluntly speaking. Most of these employees think, "Gai's only had one successful book compared to others how come she's still here?"

I completely agree, I too imagined myself that 6 months later i'd be publishing my next book. 6 months later, i'm here, stuck. It isn't that easy as i thought it would be.

"Oh great there's Miss Helen" Lena rolls her eyes at the sight of the terror approaching my workspace. The person who indirectly wants me to get out of this company if i don't draft something worth of interest to her.

"Miss Ingrid" She stops infront of me an eyebrow raised. I have no energy to deal with her so I just gave her the bunched up drafts in my white folder and handed it to her.

"I am expecting something worth publishing in these papers Miss Ingrid." She says sternly and leaves with my white folder.

Those papers were just compiled of a bunch of ideas, plots, word vomit nothing I really seriously wrote. As an author, I truly believe you don't force the creative ideas out of you. Those ideas choose you. You act on those ideas to make something beautiful.

All ideas have a shelf life and if you don't make something with the idea you have, that idea will pick someone else.

"Say Ingrid" Lena starts taking a seat in front of me. I put my attention back at her raising both brows to show my interest. "Why don't you take a break?"

I stopped completely writing. I have had those thoughts too, that maybe I need a reset. Maybe I need a breather somewhere out of this city. Thinking about it, it is a great idea something I really would consider doing.

However as an author in a risky spot in this company just standing on a thread before being completely fired, rest isn't an option. A vacation would secure me not an award-winning book but instead would leave me jobless.

Quitting college for my passion in writing is something that my parents were outraged with. Being fired from this company would leave me jobless with one successful book. That's it.

"Lena, I'm in a tight spot, I don't think a vacation would be the right decision"

"But the boss, as i've heard with my co-managers, really prioritizes the author's well being!"

"And your point being?"

"What I'm saying Ingrid is, no one, not even the boss is pressuring their authors to work like a machine spitting out books left and right."

"Miss Helen?"

"Well except for her, but you get my point."

"I have people expecting my next release."

"Exactly my point! It's about time we do something abou this writer's block of yours, can't keep you like this for another 6 months as your manager!" Lena stands up proudly leaving my workspace off to who knows where.

Just what am i doing really?