just lovers like we were supposed to be

ACT SIX: Part Three

Chapter Notes
okay, wolfstar chapter! the warnings for this chapter are as follows:
references to walburga and orion's abuse to sirius (and regulus), but nothing explicit. very brief remus/original male character (yes, the nice gardener, and it's nothing explicit, i promise). a slightly more in-depth description of james beating mulciber (it's brief, but it is a depiction of violence). references to regulus drowning, and the aftermath of it. there's some brother bonding, angst, fighting, bickering, and jealousy. sirius briefly gets angry about the fact that remus kept the nice gardener a secret, then later acknowledges that remus had every right to. there's some heated snogging and implied shagging, but nothing explicit. so, with that, enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Potter home circa July, 1977

It takes a while after Regulus' impromptu arrival for Sirius to feel like they're going to be okay. Maybe for some, this would seem dramatic, but for them, Sirius feels it's a minor miracle that he thinks they're going to be okay at all.

The problem is, Sirius is put in a difficult position. He's spent the last years of his life growing quite a bit of resentment towards his family, including Regulus, with the only exceptions being Andromeda and their uncle Alphard. Regulus was by no means treated unfairly by being included in this resentment, seeing as he did every little thing their parents wanted without complaint, the perfect son that Sirius could never be, and he was never quiet about his own resentment towards Sirius for who he was and how he acted. It's always been more than just a difference of opinion; it's something else, something greater, something unspoken that burns between them.

For Sirius, he would say his resentment started after Regulus' did, after Regulus got into Slytherin and started acting more and more like everything Sirius already despised. It started after Regulus never defended him to their parents, no matter how many times Sirius defended him. It started after Regulus wouldn't even come to him in private to support him, but made it very clear that he didn't support him at all. It started because they used to be young and happy, and then Sirius looked up one day to find that they no longer were, and Regulus was just as much to blame for what went wrong between them as he was.

Now, his little brother is in front of him, needing him, and all Sirius wants to do is be there for him like they're those happy children again, even though they're not. It's a bit of a conundrum, honestly, because Sirius wasn't even aware that he could still feel like this, and that's a scary thing, isn't it? Going on believing you feel one way for someone, only to find out that deep down in a place you never knew existed, you feel something you convinced yourself you didn't. Regulus crumbled at his feet, and Sirius immediately wanted to help him stand back up, no matter how long he spent thinking he would relish in the sight of Regulus broken before him.

It's just—that's his little brother. What is he going to do? Turn him away? He already left, and he didn't even look back, and he refuses to apologize for it. Leaving was the best thing for him, and sure, he thought about Regulus, about how he was doing, if he was okay—but it just seemed like Regulus was content where he was at, happy to be there, not eager to get out the same way Sirius was. That's what he led Sirius to believe, and he was right there with their parents, happy to see him go. But this is—well, this is different.

Maybe Sirius had it wrong, and the thought kills him. The mere thought that any part of Regulus may have wanted him to stay, or possibly even come with him, makes Sirius want to rewind time and at least offer. He never even offered, but the thing is, he knew Regulus wouldn't go. Regulus knew he wouldn't go, and he's said as much. So, really, Sirius is fretting over nothing. He does that
a lot.

Regulus wouldn't have gone, but he didn't get a choice, and the first person he thought to come to was Sirius. His brother. Of everyone in this world, it's Sirius that he has run to, and Sirius can barely handle how fucking good that makes him feel. He probably shouldn't be so delighted by the fact that his brother has been kicked out of home just for who he is, but Sirius can't help it. He can't help but feel warmed by the fact that Regulus knows he can come to him, because Sirius isn't like the rest of their family, because somewhere deep down, Sirius is the person he knows will do the right thing.