To Destroy A Country

Chapter 3: Hurtful Memories

"So, why is it you don't leave the island?" Kazuha asked as he leaned against the side of the cottage.
Kunikuzushi looked up, "oh. Haha, it just isn't safe for me outside of the island."
"Why? You don't have a vision and you seem capable of protecting yourself."
Kunikuzushi slowly stood up and brushed his hands together from uprooting weeds he saw sprouting. "Well..." he didn't see a reason not to tell Kazuha... "I like the quiet... and they don't ask me questions here... and I guess I'm just avoiding a few people."
"Would they remember you?" Kazuha asked. It was simply a question.
"Ah, maybe not." Kunikuzushi looked around, "but I still... don't want to see them..."
Kazuha could tell this was a conversation Kunikuzushi didn't want to have. He nodded, "I understand."
Kunikuzushi smiled, "thank you, for not pushing me."
Kazuha gave him a meaningful look, "I'm not one to get into the drama of an Archon."
Kunikuzushi sighed, his smile twitching, "I'm really not..."
Kazuha stood right in front of him, "then, would you tell me why you can manipulate the elements like you can?"
Kunikuzushi took a small step back, "ah... that's..."
"And I thought only Archons could have such unique hairstyles," Kazuha smirked.
Kunikuzushi almost laughed, "someone cut it for me a long time ago. I don't care for it much, but I can't seem to make myself cut it off..."
Kazuha's eyes softened, "I don't think it's bad. I've just never seen anything like it."
Kunikuzushi smiled again, "I don't think I've ever seriously thought about the way I look. After all, no one on this island is actually here."
Kazuha blinked, "what?"
"You'll see when Kama gets here. He can't see you," Kunikuzushi's smile widened, finally getting to share his discovery with someone. He didn't realize how much he missed talking with other people...
Kazuha seemed utterly confused, "what do you mean?..."
"They're projections, of sorts," Kunikuzushi began to explain, "the past is replaying itself. The same set of days endlessly reoccurring."
Kazuha's expression slowly became worried, "so no one here is alive?"
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "no,"
"Then how do you interact with them?" Kazuha asked. He wasn't sure he completely believed this story.
Kunikuzushi paused, "I'm... not an Archon... but I have some of one's powers sealed within me. I can harness a small amount of it, but it's incredibly exhausting."
"Do you mind me asking why your powers aren't from a vision?" Kazuha asked.
Kunikuzushi had never been asked a personal question so respectfully. He felt like clutching his chest and falling over. He couldn't not answer him now, right?
"Well..." Kunikuzushi started, "try not to freak out or anything, alright?..."
Kazuha nodded, "I think you'll find I'm pretty calm."
Kunikuzushi felt incredibly nervous. He'd never actually told anyone what he was, "I'm... not human..."
"Well that much is obvious," Kazuha smiled.
There was something about Kazuha that just made everything so much easier to talk about. He made Kunikuzushi feel like nothing would change if he knew the truth.
"I'm a doll," Kunikuzushi said, "I was created by an Archon to be... they say to be their vessel, but I think there's another reason..."
"Which Archon?"
"The Raiden Shogun," Kunikuzushi said, "that's why I can use electro much better than anything else..."
Kazuha nodded with an intrigued smile, "you just keep getting more interesting..."
Kunikuzushi took a shy step away, "not really... she sealed away her power in me pretty tight, so I can't use much of it..."
"If you're a doll, then why do you have free will and can move on your own?" Kazuha placed a hand on his chin and looked Kunikuzushi over again.
"Well, the shogun gave me a name and sent me off. I assume I wasn't what she was trying to make," he smiled.
"So she just threw you out?" Kazuha asked, raising his brows.
Kunikuzushi nodded, "after a few days, yes."
"... if you weren't what she wanted you to be, what do you think she was trying to create?" Kazuha had a dark expression, as if he expected the Shogun to be making a fierce weapon.
"Oh, uh, I'm not sure..." Kunikuzushi spoke slowly, "but she did call me by a different name on accident a few times. Then she would mumble about how I looked like them... It makes me think she was trying to bring someone back..."
Kazuha thought that made sense, "I still don't think she should have thrown you out like that."
"Oh, I'm sure she thought that killing me would be too cruel. And maybe she didn't want to because I look like the person I was supposed to be..."
Kazuha nodded, "perhaps... If you are a doll, then what are you made of?"
Kunikuzushi felt his nonexistent insides churn, "well, I assume paper or wood, but I feel like a person does..."
Kazuha stepped forward, surprising Kunikuzushi into stepping away again. Kazuha held out his hand.
"Uhm, oh- OH, you want..." Kunikuzushi nervously put his hand in Kazuha's. Now he was second guessing himself. Did he really feel organic like a person?...
Kazuha held Kunikuzushi's hand gently, turning it over a few times. He ran his thumb over his knuckles, "have you ever gotten a cut?"
Kunikuzushi thought back, "no, not really... maybe my skin is just tougher?..."
Kazuha seemed captivated by Kunikuzushi's hand. Then he smiled as he lined up their palms and fingers, "it feels the same to me."
Kunikuzushi breathed a silent breath of relief. He was always worried how people would react to hearing he was some archon-made doll.
Kazuha laced their fingers together, "I'll admit you aren't an Archon, but I was close."
"Yeah, I'll give you that..." Kunikuzushi chuckled. It occurred to him that he'd never held anyone's hand before... That was a bizarre thought...
"Can I ask how old you are?" Kazuha asked permission as he unlocked their fingers and went back to examining his hand.
Kunikuzushi laughed nervously, "somewhere around 100-150? It's hard to keep track here when time keeps replaying itself... I could be so much older and just not know it."
"How long have you been here for?" Kazuha asked.
"I estimate maybe fifty years?" Kunikuzushi asked. "Oh, can I ask you something, too?"
"Of course," Kazuha looked up from his studying with a smile.
Kunikuzushi averted his eyes, "how old are you?"
Kazuha laughed, "why?"
"Ah, maybe I should ask how long humans live for first..." Kunikuzushi rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. It felt like the more Kazuha held his hand, the more red he got.
"On average people live to be in their mid seventies," Kazuha shrugged, "I think."
Kunikuzushi blinked, "really?... that young?..."
Kazuha nodded, thinking this rather funny. He held an amused expression, "you would think I was a child if I told you my age."
"No... but seventy isn't even that old... I was still so dumb at that age..."
Kazuha laughed, "maturity comes different for everyone. Though, you didn't have a parent to teach you things, so it makes sense."
Kunikuzushi sighed, "there is so much I don't know..."
"I have one last question," Kazuha smiled.
"Go for it."
"Did the Shogun cut your hair, too?"
Kunikuzushi blinked. Then he laughed, "yes, actually. I recall her saying," He cleared his throat before doing his best impression of his creator, "'oh, it appears I've made a mistake... it doesn't look like her's at all...'" he tilted his head to the side, "'oh well.'"
They both laughed for a few minutes until their giggling died down.
"Kunikuzushi, I lied," Kazuha said.
"Hm? About what?" He asked. He tried not to show how nervous he was.
"I have one more question."
"Oh," Kunikuzushi was relived, "then, by all means, ask away."
Kazuha smiled, "do you think you feel like a human?"
Kunikuzushi blinked, "not that I've really made a point of touching people, but I think so... and you said so, too..." He reached out and touched his arm before tapping Kazuha's. He tilted his head, "it does feel a little different..."
Kazuha smiled softly as he pressed Kunikuzushi's hand, which he still held from earlier, against his forearm, having Kunikuzushi caress him.
Kunikuzushi's brows came closer together. First of all, he thought he felt mostly the same. Second, he felt odd about touching Kazuha. Even though Kazuha was the one causing it to happen, Kunikuzushi still felt awkward about it.
"Mostly the same, no?" Kazuha spoke quietly.
Kunikuzushi nodded, "yeah, I think the Shogun did a pretty good job for failing."
"I do, too."
Kunikuzushi assumed Kazuha was going to let go as he pulled Kunikuzushi's hand away from his arm. But he did something unexpected.
Kazuha closed his eyes as he lifted Kunikuzushi's hand and pressed it against his cheek. He leaned into Kunikuzushi's hand with a peaceful expression.
Kunikuzushi clenched his jaw. This wasn't normal, right? He had no way of knowing. He felt himself start to shake from his nerves. He didn't even know why this made him so nervous.
Kazuha spoke almost inaudibly, "it's just like..."
There it was.
It seemed Kunikuzushi couldn't escape his fate. He could tell from Kazuha's tone and expression that Kunikuzushi reminded him of someone who was no longer here... The Raiden Shogun made an almost identical expression every time she looked at Kunikuzushi...
Kunikuzushi dropped his head, looking away. Was he condemned to never be who everyone else wanted him to be?...
Kazuha seemed to realize what he was doing. He let go of Kunikuzushi's hand abruptly, "I'm sorry. You... remind me of someone..."
"Its alright," Kunikuzushi rubbed his arm uncomfortably, "I shouldn't-"
"It was nothing you did," Kazuha smiled forlornly, "it's only because he's so fresh in my memory..."
Kunikuzushi felt bad, "is... that another reason why you were leaving?..."
Kazuha nodded, "it's a little funny that you remind me of him... because he was killed by the Shogun and you look a lot like her..."
Kunikuzushi's eyes widened, "... what?"
"Well we all look like our parents, so it's only natural that-"
"No, I mean, the other part..."
Kazuha smiled, which was a bit odd for the subject. "My friend wanted to challenge the Shogun for the right to keep his vision..." he pulled out a gray element-less vision, "of course he lost... no one can beat an Archon..."
Kunikuzushi nodded, "I'm sorry..."
Kazuha smiled, "no one gets to chose what they look like. Not even dolls. I don't blame you."
Kazuha had explicitly said so, and yet... Kunikuzushi still felt like it was his fault.
Maybe the Shogun wouldn't be so cold and fierce if Kunikuzushi had been what she intended... Then Kazuha wouldn't have to deal with the los of his friend and Kunikuzushi wouldn't be trapped on this island all by himself... he wouldn't be lonely.... He wouldn't even exist.

  With the help of Kama-San, it really wasn't long at all until they had crafted a boat for Kazuha. Whenever Kama-San asked what Kunikuzushi needed it for, he said that the fish had moved farther from land becuase the lightning was getting too close lately, or some other nonsense reason.
  Now whenever Kazuha looked at Kunikuzushi he had that look on his face... Even though it wasn't sad like the Shogun's had always been, it still hurt. Kunikuzushi felt really bad for reminding Kazuha of someone who was so dear to him.
  One time Kazuha had even called Kunikuzushi by someone else's name while  they had been collecting Fluorescent Fungi together.
  "Despite the mist, it's very pretty here," Kazuha smiled.
  Kunikuzushi nodded as he pulled up his robe and got on his knees to pick the plants, "you just have to look in the right places."
  "This reminds me of a place in Chinju Forest... all the bushes glow and it reflects off the waters..." Kazuha got a far off look as he watched Kunikuzushi. "I think the color suits you."
  "Hm? The blue?" He held up one of the glowing spores.
  Kazuha nodded, "if I could show you, I would. You sort of..." he held his hands out in an attempt to help explain, "sparkle. Perhaps it is because you are a doll, but you shine in the light."
  Kunikuzushi was flattered and didn't really know how to respond, "yeah, we don't have any mirrors..." He looked into the shallow waters, but couldn't see his reflection because of the weather. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his own face... Did he really resemble the Shogun?...
  Kazuha chuckled, "I wonder if the waters would be blue if there weren't so much mist."
Kunikuzushi shrugged as he cut the stalks close to the ground, "I have no idea. I would hope so, otherwise I guess I've been using dirty water to wash things."
  "Oh, do you not need to eat or drink?" Kazuha asked.
  Kunikuzushi shook his head, pushing his hat off so the knot rested on his neck and his hat over his back. "No, I've never been hungry or thirsty." He giggled a little bit, "a long time ago there was this one old couple who had me stay for dinner and I had no idea what to do."
  Kazuha laughed, "what on Teyvat was your excuse?"
  "Ah," Kunikuzushi got a little pink, "it was a long time ago, I can't recall..."
  Kazuha could tell he just didn't want to share. He sighed with content, "why are you harvesting these, anyway?"
  Kunikuzushi thought for a moment, "well, I guess I just like them... I don't really have a specific reason. Oh! Maybe you could eat one and tell me how it tastes?"
  Kazuha raised his brows, "I know you don't eat, but it's incredibly hazardous to touch or ingest anything that glows."
  "Ah... really...?" Kunikuzushi looked down at his hands worriedly, "and why is that?..."
  "If you've been doing this for a while, I think it's fine." Kazuha smiled as he turned to look at a noise he heard, "but I'd rather not eat something potentially dangerous."
  "Right," Kunikuzushi responded quietly. He felt incredibly embarrassed and like he was an absolute idiot. This is what he got for staying on a secluded island all by himself!
  "Ah! Tomo, look, over there!" Kazuha pointed.
  Kunikuzushi's stomach dropped. Was that his name? Kazuha's friend? He already felt bad, but Kazuha didn't even seem to notice his mistake and that made it all worse.
  Kunikuzushi wasn't anyone else, so why did people keep thinking so?... He was himself...
  Kazuha was pointing at a Riftstalker Hound in the not-so-far-off distance.
  Kunikuzushi stood, "this can wait, let's head back."
  "In sure we could take it," Kazuha looked back with a playful smile. His eyes widened as he seemed to realize what he had done. He quickly turned and began to walk back in the direction of Kunikuzushi's cottage.
  Kunikuzushi understood that it wasn't his fault. Kazuha was hurting and that kind of healing took time. It was only natural for Kazuha to act as he used to...
  But it still hurt.