i was twelve

1

'fuck im so ugly' billie thought looking in the mirror. she rested her hands on the sink counter and looked down, knowing if she looked in the mirror any longer she would burst into tears. she let out a frustrated sob and took the phone case off her phone, revealing a blade. she grabbed the blade and sat down on the floor. 'so fucking stupid'

she dug the blade into her thigh and dragged it across a few times, watching marroon ooze out of her beautiful, thick thighs and fall to the floor. she cleaned the cuts and bandaged them up before cleaning the floor. she stood up amd turned the sink on, holding the tiny, sharp object under the water to clean it. she quietly walked out of the bathroom to not wake her parents.

she opened her bedroom door, immediately being met with her red lights. she laid down in bed and shuffled her playlist, letting the music quietly play next to her as she stared up at the ceiling. she softly hummed along to the songs as they played. she let out a sigh and grabbed her sketchbook and a pencil. she opened it, flipping through the pages to find a blank one. she let out a little hum as she thought before sketching something on the page. "no that looks bad" she whispered.

she erased it and tried again. she let out a satisfied hum at the female body she drew. she really wished she looked like that; small waist, hourglass body, smaller chest, smaller thighs and a flat stomach. she then proceeded to draw what she felt like her body looked like. the body she hated oh so very much. according to her, her body was horrible, her waist was not small, her chest was too big, her thighs were too thick, and having a little bit of a stomach.

billie thought it was the ugliest person ever. she absolutely hated it. oh how she hated it.

❤️‍🩹

billie opened the drawer on her nightstand, pulling out a bag of pills and a card. she crushed the pills with the card before making lines with the powder. she snorted the lines and let out a groan. she jumped when her phone rang. she grabbed her phone to see her friend, zoe facetiming her. she accepted the call. "hi." billie said. "are you high?" zoe asked. "no... what makes you think that? i stopped, remember?" billie slurred. "youre high arent you?" zoe quizzed.

"fine! i may or may not have snorted something." billie threw her hands up. "oh. you gonna let me see your face or?" zoe hummed. "nuh-uh, bro, my face is so ugly, like, i dont even understand how you can look at it." billie murmured. "youre not ugly."

"bro, i am so fat and ugly, stop lying."

"im not lying. youre so beautiful"

"no. i cant even look at myself in the mirror for more than five seconds before bursting into tears from how bad my it is." she admitted, letting out a sigh. "im sorry you feel that way about yourself. i really am. if i could change the way you see yourself i guarantee you youd fall in-love with yourself. youre honestly one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, like, you have these beautiful, ocean blue eyes and you have such a beautiful face." zoe smiled.

"fuck, now im crying. fuck you." billie laughed.

💋

a/n: hiii

how are we feeling?

do we like it do we not?