Bucky Barnes imagines

Fuck the pain away (B.Barnes)

You were walking towards Bucky's apartment. It was currently two in the morning, it was dark outside and the streets were empty. It was quite calming and you knew that if you were in a different state of mind, you would have enjoyed it. But not tonight.
You were desesperate to feel something positive, to feel good. Hence your visit to Bucky. He was your bestfriend and you both knew that you both loved eachother but you didn't want to get into a relationship. That's why you were this close to him, probably closer than every other person in your entourage.
You couldn't think properly, your thoughts were darker and darker. You were crying so much that a headache started to form. Your eyes were puffy and red. Your hair was a mess. You were dressed in one of Bucky's hoodie and a legging. You looked really bad and you knew it. But at the moment you didn't care. You were nearly at his place so you stopped in your track and took a deep breath to stop yourself from crying. You stayed like that for a couple of minutes. You practiced a fake smile to try to cheer you up. It didn't work but you hoped it would on Bucky. You started to walk again. You crossed the street and arrived at his door. You breathed again and knocked. As soon as you did, tears started to form again in your eyes. You turned around because you didn't want him to see you like that. You started to question your visit. Why were you even here? But before you could think of going back to your house, you heard the sound of a door opening.

"Y/N ? What's going on ?" He asked with a raspy voice.

You started to feel guilty. You knew he had his own problems and you came to complain about yours ? You thought that it was pretty selfish of you. You also thought that you had woken him up and you knew about his sleep problems, yet you were here, in the middle of the night. That made you feel even worse than before. 

"Y/N ?" You felt a hand on your shoulder.

Without turning around you asked. "Did i wake you up ?"

"No, i was going to take a shower."

Good, you thought. "Can i come in ?"

"Yes, of course." You turned around, looking down to avoid his eyes. You made the mistakes to sniffle on your way in. Bucky knew that something was wrong. He took your arm and you looked at his hand for a moment.

"What's going on ? You okay ?"

You finally met his eyes, nodded and smiled. He wasn't convinced at all. He turned around to close the door.

"Please tell m-" You didn't let him finishing his sentence, you cupped his face in your hands and kissed him with all the strenght you had left. He was really surprised and kissed back but not with as much passion as you would have wanted. You stepped back to look at him.

"Fuck me Bucky." You looked at him full of hope. He smiled at you with sympathy. He placed one of his hand on your cheek and whipped a tear you didn't know what there. "Please, fuck the pain away." You begged. You tried to kiss him again but he stopped you.

"Princess, you don't think clearly right now. Just take a seat please."

You started to get angry. "No Bucky! You don't understand! I need it! I need to feel something else than sadness. I need you Bucky."

"I know you do doll, but not in that way."

"You don't find me attractive anymore ?" Your eyes began to get even more watery.

"I still find you really attractive, that's not the problem."

"Then what is it?"

"I won't take advantage of you, plus i don't think that what's you really need."

"But we already fucked multiple times ! Please Bucky. I need something else. I can't take this shit anymore." You collapsed in his arms and cried. You were curled in his arms on the floor, while he held you. You were crying so much, you couldn't even see.

"It's okay. I am here." You cried again and again. The weight on your chest seemed heavier than before. It was worse than when you came in.

"Bucky, please...."

He picked you up bridal style and took you to his room. He gently put you to bed and slided behind you. He held you close while you were crying your heart out. He murmured sweet stuffs in your ear to try to cheer your mood. You finally fell asleep curled in a ball with your head on his chest. He kissed your forehead.

"Sweet dreams princess."

*The next morning*

You woke up with a huge headache. Slowly opening your eyes, you started to remember what happened the day before. That's when you looked up to see Bucky asleep with you in his arms. You smiled at this view. At this moment, you started to feel the shame of the previous events. Why were you so vulnerable? Why did you show him your weakness? He didn't even know why you were crying, he knew that it was useless to ask you about it and that if you wanted to talk about it, you would. He did what was best for you.

"You are staring doll." He opened an eye and smiled at you. You blushed hard because you were lost in your thoughts which led on you staring for several minutes.

"Sorry." He tightened his grip on you in an attempt to make you understand that it was okay.

"What are you thinking about ?" He asked, looking down at you.

"Uhmm...." You sighed and decided to be honest. "I was thinking about the fact that i made a fool of myself last night and that i don't even know why i came here in the first place because i hate when people see me weak. And i am sorry for everything, you must be quite embarrassed...."

"First of all, you are not a fool, second of all, you are not weak AT ALL, and lastly, i am not embarrassed. In fact, i am really happy that you had enough confidence in me to come to me when you feel this way. And you are really one of the strongest person i know. Crying doesn't make you weak. Don't be ashame of feeling emotions, that's what's make you human doll." He kissed your head.

"Thank you Bucky." You looked up and kissed his cheek. "You truly are an amazing man."

"Yes i know and i love it when you remind me of it." You laughed and punched lightly his arm.