Malefactor [H.S.]

26

Harry Styles

Camden is a parasite.

I've been thinking this over the past thirty-odd hours and this is the only reasonable conclusion I've come to. She's parasitic.

The way that she's gained sudden control over my brain is frightening. Just a month and a half ago, I was threatening her in the elevator because I thought she was the one who robbed us. The sight of her made me angry, the mention of her name from Zayn or Niall made my skin crawl. I couldn't grasp how she had them fooled so well; how she had managed to accomplish a feat so difficult that everyone around her viewed her as this innocent little thing that could do no wrong. It sickened me that she acted so morally superior when she was secretly just as fucked up as the rest of us. I was more than ecstatic to take her down when I discovered she was responsible for robbing Luminary, especially after Zayn had tried so hard to prove to me that she was completely in the dark about everything; that she really was just a naive college student who he randomly hired one day.

But now, here I am, just as fooled as the rest of them by her charm. I was so sure that this wasn't going to happen to me; that I wouldn't fall for her allure like the others. I thought they were two idiots for ever believing her. I thought this would be easy.

I was wrong, in more ways than one.

Tonight's goal was to get Camden off my mind once and for all. Well, maybe not entirely since that's going to be impossible given her newfound involvement in everything, but at least for the time being. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being present in my mind even when she was physically absent. I decided today would be the first attempt at this. I tried to follow through with this yesterday after I dropped her off at Niall's, but my plans were quickly thwarted. The second I got home, I took a shower and found myself getting off to her, calling out the name of the girl who I watched pleasure herself in front of me earlier that day.

I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror after. Truthfully, I always thought post-nut clarity was nothing more than a myth since it was something I had never experienced in my countless sexual endeavors. But when I was no longer cumming to the memory of using a vibrator on Camden, imagining myself getting the chance to do much more to her, I felt disgusted with myself for ever allowing her to have such utter control over me—even if she's unaware of that control.

She's not a decent person is what I keep reminding myself.

But even though I've made countless attempts today to avoid thinking of her, distracting myself when necessary, it's proving to be genuinely impossible not to think of her when I'm sitting inside Exhibitionist, looking around the same space that she and I were in not even a week ago.

Niall is sitting across from me, a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes despite being inside. He's staring up at a bottle girl who's been chatting with him for the past five minutes, attempting—and failing—at getting him to flirt with her. She keeps brushing her hand against his shoulder, touching his hair, but he doesn't even react. It's slightly amusing to watch for a number of reasons, one of which is that I love watching other people when they're mildly uncomfortable. The way they try so hard to act natural but end up making awkward movements and laughing a little too hard makes me cringe in the best way. I know it's unusual but I almost feed off second-hand embarrassment.

It's also just odd to watch because I've never seen Niall like this before. He must actually like that Riley girl because if this were any other day, he and this girl would've been making out by now.

"Do you know how much longer it's gonna be?" Zayn asks from beside me. I turn my head towards him, almost smiling at how uncomfortable he also looks. I'm not sure why he's so put-off since we're the only two on this couch and the girl talking to Niall has made no attempts to talk to either of us, but his disconcertion is on display.