Malefactor [H.S.]

43

Harry Styles

I fucked up. Camden's mad at me and I fucked up.

I'm not someone who handles stress very well. The second anything—or anyone—starts to annoy me or makes me worried about the outcome of something inevitable, I lash out. My anger gets the best of me every single time without fail and I take it out on whoever's closest to me in that moment. It doesn't matter who it is and what the consequences of my actions will be.

Usually, there are very few consequences that I actually care about. Losing it on Niall or Zayn doesn't impact my life in the slightest. If they don't talk to me for a few weeks because I was a dick and screamed at them for no reason, I won't lose sleep over it. Getting an ass beating from Colin is whatever at this point. I know he won't ever go far enough to cause any actual damage so it's pretty easy to lose it on him when I know I'll be fine. It may hurt like a bitch in the moment but when my bruises heal and cuts close, it's nothing more than a memory of the past.

I even flip out on Lilah if she happens to be around at the wrong time, and it's always okay. We're the only family we have that we can actually stand so we let things slide that we wouldn't take from anyone else. Plus, she'll be the one to provoke me sometimes so it's not like I ever feel bad. A bad temper runs in the family.

Basically, it's become second nature for me to lash out at whoever's near me in the moment. It's the only way to release some of my frustrations, and while I know it's one of my worst qualities, I also don't care. I've never had a reason to.

Until today.

Camden was right. She called me out on my bullshit and was completely right, which also hurts like a bitch to admit. I acted like a dick to her when we first met and barely knew each other, but this isn't that. We do know each other now.

We're friends.

Except I care about her in a way that I don't care about my other friends. She's managed to pull off the impossible and made me instantly regret my actions. I feel guilt.

Does she have any idea how fucking difficult it is for someone to make me feel guilty about taking my frustrations out on them?

I don't know what possessed me to call her a bitch but the second the word left my mouth, I felt terrible. I should feel terrible. Nothing she said warranted that type of reaction yet I gave her one anyway. I called her a bitch and there's no coming back from that.

Now I have to deal with the repercussions of it. If I had just kept my mouth shut and not let my anger get the best of me, I wouldn't be as mentally preoccupied. I wouldn't be more concerned about getting her to forgive me than about the fact that I'm about to park the car and have the three of us go meet the guys who work with Marcus. We're about to enter a dangerous situation that has every possibility of escalating, yet all I'm worried about is Camden.

I'm starting to think I wasn't exaggerating when I told her she'd be the death of me. My brain is in the completely wrong headspace for what we're about to do and that very well could result in me getting seriously injured.

Yet I still can't concentrate even though I know I need to.

The car slams into the curb, all three of us cursing in shock. Zayn shoots me a look that screams "What the fuck?" since I'm the one driving. I ignore him, backing up to park the car correctly on this side street. We arrived in the city of Santo Domingo not long ago and I decided it's best to park somewhere that's close to where we need to go but not extremely close in proximity. The less these people know about us, the better.

I get out without saying anything, stepping onto the sidewalk as the other two join me. Camden looks just as pissed off as she did the moment I called her a bitch, her jaw set hard and lips pressed firmly together as she glares at me. She was glaring at me the entire drive, somehow determined enough to do that for over two hours.