Malefactor [H.S.]

61*

Harry Styles

I have a history of fucking up the things in my life that are actually going well. I have a tendency for self-destruction and lashing out at others even when they've done nothing wrong because I need to have some form of control. I have a lot of incredibly toxic, awful defense mechanisms and personality traits that make me a less-than-optimal person to be around. Combined with the fact that I'm also a criminal, it's not shocking to discover that my only friends are those I've met through being a criminal who can stomach the idea of my terrible behavior because it's not too far off from their own.

When I started developing feelings for Camden, I thought for sure I would fuck up and drive her away. Honestly, from how unnecessarily angry I got with her at the start of the Dominican Republic trip that resulted in me calling her a bitch, I did start to unconsciously work to drive her away. But I also was driven into a blind rage by the possibility of Zayn and her getting together, so my jealousy worked to my advantage for once.

I know it's my life and I'm the one in charge of it or whatever, but I'm shocked that I actually managed to keep Camden around.

I don't think it's physically possible for me to express to her how much she means to me. It's kind of alarming how she's become the biggest influence in my life in only three months; how much I've grown to care for her in three months. I guess that's a normal time span for relationships or whatever, but as someone who's done nothing but push others away to actively avoid feeling anything for anyone, it feels incredibly fast to me.

Yet also, at the same time, it's hard to believe that she's only been in my life for three months. At the beginning of these three months, she was nothing more to me than a vague annoyance that was forced into my life by Colin, Zayn, and Niall. I desperately wanted her out of it so I could go back to my regular way of living and was willing to do anything to solve the problem that I perceived to be her.

Now, she's the last person I see when I go to sleep at night and the first person I see when I wake up in the morning. She's the girl I'm laying here with my arms wrapped around and holding against my body. She's the girl I cried in front of about my fucked up family situation and held while she comforted me.

She's the only person I've ever let into my life in this way. She's my girlfriend and I feel like a changed fucking man because of it.

My thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of Camden pressing her ass into my crotch, a soft whine leaving her lips as she arrives at the brink of consciousness. I don't say anything, keeping my arm wrapped around her and waiting for any indication that she's fully awake. But when she doesn't turn around or make any other noises, I'm pretty sure she's still asleep.

With my face already properly aligned with the back of her neck, I push forward the few inches between us and kiss it. She thankfully put her hair back before we went to sleep last night so it's mostly out of the way, only a few strands hitting her tanned, soft skin.

Her hips suddenly shift again, pressing into me for a second time. I freeze, not wanting to make any wrong assumptions. And then she does it again, her ass nudging against my crotch in a way that has the semi I woke up with from her mere presence and the memories of our late-night make-out growing in an instant.

"Hi," she croaks, craning her neck back to let me know she's fully awake. Her eyelids are still swollen from sleep, barely open as she smiles at me.

"Hi," I say, kissing her neck since her lips are just slightly out of reach.

She shifts again, my dick twitching in my boxers from her repetitive, teasing movements. I swallow back a low groan. There's no way she doesn't know what she's doing; she's right against me. She can definitely feel it.