the story of us 》sungtaro

11

"Shotaro, sweetie. I need to talk to you."

The words floated out from our living room one night. I had just returned from driving around and playing music much too loud with Sungchan, and had expected both my parents to be in bed, but that was obviously not the case.

I followed my mother's voice, finding her sitting in our armchair, comfortable in her pajamas. Although the arrangement was snug, something seemed to be bothering her, like an itch she couldn't shake.

Despite her overall gloom, I was on cloud 9. I had just spent hours with Sungchan, laughing every minute as we explored the town. Nothing she could have said would have lowered my mood.

I took the seat opposite her, leaning back against our couch. "What's wrong?"

Her gaze flittered about, never quite meeting mine. "It's about your cousin."

I didn't know any relatives on my dad's side, and my mom only had one sister, so it wasn't hard to figure out who she was talking about.

I'd only met the cousin a few times in my life, but I'd liked him. From what I could remember, he was very kind, befriending me even though we barely knew each other. He was older, someone I could talk and look up to.

The way my mother phrased it made it sound like he had been in some sort of accident. Was he in the hospital and she was just too worried to tell me?

"What is it?" I remember voicing, the urgency growing. Why couldn't she just spit it out? "Is he alright?"

Perhaps then she realized what conclusions she was causing me to jump to, because she changed her approach.

"No, Shotaro. He's fine." She shook her head, words slowly forming. "Your aunt just informed me that he's making some... choices."

She paused, and I could hear the grimace in her tone.

"She told me that he..." Her volume dropped lower than ever before as she searched for the best way to say it. She leaned forward as of she was afraid, the final words leaving her mouth with a hiss. "He likes men."

That was it?

The big, so important news?

Although I didn't care who my cousin chose to pursue, her distaste for the subject caused my heart to drop. It reminded me that if I chose to express who I liked, the reactions would not all be good.

I couldn't help what left my mouth. "So?"

"So?" My reaction shocked her. Her brows furrowed, probably alarmed at my ok-ness. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't feeling the same. You know, kids get some crazy ideas in their heads these days. But you'd tell me if you started thinking like that, right?"

Not a chance.

Shutting her down, I shook my head, rising from the couch. "Mom, I like women."

That was partly true. There were plenty of women I admired, but none that I enjoyed romantically.

I told her goodnight and left to my room, my mind spinning. There was no way I could be open about how I felt now. Still, it changed nothing.

I still liked Sungchan, but nobody had to know.