✅The Ocean As My Witness (Zhanyi) (Completed)

14. Live for me

'A naive boy without parents - this was my identity.

'A boy who could never have sympathy, love and values' this was what I had always heard while growing up.

I had no emotions since the start, because no one taught me. Because I was alone.

Everyone saw my vulnerability,
But you are the only one who saw my heart.

I know it was difficult for you to accept someone forcefully, but I liked you the moment I saw your eyes.

They felt lively and calm.

Too calm that I felt afraid.

Afraid of losing them.

That's why I extended my hand towards you first, a hand of forever friendship. Sadly, you rejected, *chuckle*

Everytime, when you used to push me away, my heart trembled that I might not see you another day.

That's when I learnt what pain feels like.

When you finally accepted me and allowed me into your life,

That's when I learnt what attachment feels like.

Honestly, the feeling was too good to be described in words. The pain and the affection turned me into an addict, who always yearned for you.

I was oblivious until you made me realise that I never noticed anything around me.

Absence of parents, sickness of my beloved grandpa, I never tried to feel that pain.

Was I selfish?

Or did I behave like a drunk person who just got his senses back after losing everything?

Or maybe I was too young.

I know I had to go through many more feelings with you..

And then I started to feel ticklish, my heart raced crazily.

You appeared attractive in everything you did.

Your smile became my favourite view, your eyes held my world.

Your failure became my wounds, your sufferings became my tears.

For once I thought that my heart was sick, but soon I realised that it was sick only for you.

And you were my only existing medicine.

I was not strong enough to tell you about this unknown feeling,

I was afraid to lose you.

What if you had left me saying that I was weird and has failed you?

No, I decided to bury them alive, those emotions could have ruined everything.

We were perfect together but I realised that I was holding you back. You had responsibilities. I only had you but we were not the same.

It was time to break the sleep and accept our realities.

Now, it was time to learn the feeling of separation.

I decided to let you go. You needed to make your parents proud. Gladly, by then I knew that we could never grow together.

Since then, the distance between us grew longer and longer.