Secrets

Chp. 6

Sciarra P.O.V

Waking up to pots and pans moving wasn't how I wanted to wake up for school. I was still in a lot of pain from my anxiety attack last night. I rubbed my wrists, sighing to myself. "I can't believe I did this to myself again." I whispered to myself, staring down at my new scars. He got into my head again. I let him hurt me again.

Justin slept over last night but I didn't leave my room. I couldn't. I locked myself in my room, trying to calm myself down. I showed him my wrist; I wasn't supposed to. He didn't deserve the right to know what he did to me. I should've never told him. That's just another thing he'll decide to tell everyone.

I groaned as I stood up, trying to ignore the ache in my back. I passed out on my bathroom floor and I guess, I woke myself in the middle of the night and crawled into my bed. I changed into an over sized white sweater, black leggings, and black VANs. I curled my hair, wanting to appear somewhat okay. I did my usual make up routine and took a deep breath. I wasn't ready to face Justin yet.

But my stomach had other ideas. My stomach was in some desperate need for food and the pain was starting to hit me. It's just Justin. His opinion about me shouldn't matter anymore. He's the one that left me. He's the one that decided to forget about us. He was the pathetic one. He let go.. He let me go.

I walked down the stairs, humming to myself. I knew Justin was up, he always wakes up the earliest. I walked into the kitchen, my heart stopping.

"Great." I muttered to myself, causing Justin to look up at me. "Something wrong?" Yeah, you left me heartbroken and unfortunately, my heart still hasn't healed yet. "Yeah actually something is wrong. Why the fuck are you always here?" I spat, not bothering to look into his eyes.

If I looked into his eyes, I would fall apart and I wouldn't be able to act like I hate him. "Because my house is boring. That's why I'm fucking here." I eyed his hands that were placing bacon in the pan. No Sciarra, you know that bacon isn't good for you. Just grab an apple and leave. "Do you miss her?" Because I do. "A lot." I finally found the courage and looked at him. You could tell that he was thinking about the memories he shared with his mom. He loved her. I wish he still loved me like that.

I looked away, before he could meet my eyes. I walked over towards the table and sat down, biting down on my apple. I enjoyed this. Just talking to him without any yelling and screaming. It felt nice. It felt like us. "Here." He placed a hot plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of me. It smelled like heaven. But I couldn't find enough energy to pick up the fork he gave me.

"Um, I'm not hungry." I pushed away the plate, noticing that Justin was now sitting next to me. He pushed back the plate towards me, giving me a look. "Cici, I know you better than you know yourself. We were friends for sixteen years. I know that you're always hungry in the morning. Please eat." I sighed, giving into him like I always do. He gave me a look of triumph before grabbing my apple and finishing it for me.

I flashed him a smile, watching his eyes get brighter. This felt right. Being with him always felt right. I miss us so much. I miss the way he used to cook for me. I miss running down the stairs, and seeing him shirtless, cooking me some odd breakfast item. I would run my fingers up and down his back before wrapping my arms around him. I missed those loving moments we shared together.

"You okay?" Justin asked, almost like he was worried about me. "Yeah, I'm just wondering why you're being so nice to me all of a sudden." He licked his bottom lip, looking away from me.

"I didn't think it would be a big deal. I'm just trying to have a civil conversation with my ex girlfriend." I flinched away from him when he said those last two words. I hated this. I hated being his "ex". I wanted to be "his girl". I wanted to be priority, like he is still to me.