Secrets

Chp. 7

"Sciarra, wake up." I groaned, rolling onto my other side, ignoring Ryan's pokes at my stomach. "Can you please let me sleep my life away?" I mumbled, into my pillow. "It's already two in the afternoon, you can't be asleep for the rest of the day. It's not healthy." Ryan chuckled, but I could hear the hint of worry in his voice. "I don't care." He sighed heavily in annoyance.

"I just didn't think you'd want to be here when Hannah and Justin come over." I couldn't help but laugh. I sat up groggily, while Ryan was giving me a confused look. "Let them see me again. Let them see my arms. Let them see how much I don't care anymore. So please go on about how Hannah and Justin are coming over today even though they almost drove your sister to insanity yesterday." I said bluntly, looking at Ryan with anger. Ryan just shook his head, before getting off of my bed and slamming my door shut, leaving me alone.

"Fuck this." I mumbled to myself, throwing my heavy blankets off of me. I wanted to show Justin that yesterday didn't affect me, but he already saw the fresh scars on my skin. Seeing him today would just put unnecessary thoughts. I was just going to leave and go for a drive. I still loved that boy more than anything, and I hated myself for it.

I quickly undressed and hopped into the shower, feeling the hot water touch my cold skin sent shivers throughout my body. I stared at my wrists, ashamed of what I did yesterday. I shouldn't of let them get to me like that. I'm supposed to be strong, not weak. I finally let myself out of the shower, wrapping the towel tightly against my body.

I changed into a white lace dress which fit my body perfectly, a jean jacket, and white flats that Ryan bought me a few months ago. I brushed through my brown knotted hair, then put on my usual makeup attire.

I shut my door quietly, before walking downstairs to grab my keys. "Where are you going?" Chaz asked me, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. "Just for a drive." He nodded his head, not really paying attention to me. I walked out of the house, and saw Justin pull into the side of the house. "Oh great." I muttered, watching him get out of his car. Fuck, he looked so good. "Do I look good?" I gasped not realizing that I've been staring at him for a few minutes. "Not really." I said bluntly, pushing past him.

I wasn't going to sit outside and have a friendly conversation with him. I wasn't going to apologize to him for all the awful things I said. He didn't deserve me. He doesn't have the right to hurt me anymore.

Justin P.O.V

"Ryan I'm here." I yelled into the house, walking into the living room. "Hey Chaz, where's Cici going?" Chaz shrugged his shoulders only paying attention to the football game. "Justin we need to talk bro." Ryan said, placing his hand on my shoulder. That gesture meant that it wasn't going to be a light conversation, I knew it was going to be about yesterday.

"I know what I did. It wasn't right. I took things too far. I know that I fucked up, okay?" Ryan scoffed, shaking his head, walking away from me. "It's just not you Justin. Hannah hurts her a lot more than you. You need to fucking realize your priorities. Sciarra was your first love and stop acting like you don't love her anymore. We all know that you fucking do!" Ryan yelled, his eyes shown only anger towards me. I was angry at Hannah too, but I was more angry at myself for not stopping her.

I hate myself for not stopping Hannah and her group of friends from hurting Sciarra. I hate myself for hurting her. "We all saw her scars yesterday, we all know that she's cutting herself again. And the sad part is, it's because of you Justin." I looked at Ryan with guilt flooding my body.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, sitting down, resting my head against my hands. I did this to my Princess. I did this to the girl I swore to protect. I broke her. "She loves you Justin more than anything, stop hurting her. After you left she started partying and she just changed. She wasn't the Sciarra we grew up with. It was hard on everyone."

Ryan looked so lost, and it was because of me. "Ryan and I found her razor in her bathroom, we threw it out, but there's probably more hidden." My heart skipped a beat, tears slowly pooling into my eyes. "You need to start getting your priorities straight Justin. You left her Justin. You left her heartbroken." Chaz said, disappointment in his voice.

"I didn't mean to. When I first became famous, I thought what I was doing was a good thing. That publicity stunt with Selena after I left, I couldn't call her. I know that was the wrong thing to do, and I hate myself for hurting her like that everyday." I just didn't know what to do. I love Sciarra more than anything. "Do you still love her?" Chaz asked, already knowing the answer.

"I do love her but what do I do about Hannah?" Ryan laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Justin, we all know that she's just in it for the money and the attention she gets from the media." I knew that this was true, but it still hurt when he told me. I was going to let it go though, Hannah was just there to help me get my mind off Sciarra, but it wasn't working.

"Who's going to talk to Sciarra?" Chaz and Ryan both looked at each other before looking at me. "Me?" I asked, while they nodded in unison.

"Show her that you still care about her. We've tried helping her, it's not working anymore. She'll listen to you because your opinion about her matters to her. Her saying that she hate you is just a bunch of bullshit." It still surprises me that after all this time, she still feels the same about me. "I just don't know how could she still love me. I've treated her so badly." I swallowed the lump in my throat as I remembered her showing me the scars that ran up and down her wrists.

"We don't know either dude, but you love her and she loves you. So stop acting dumb and start showing it to her before she gets worse. This girl still listens to One Time when she thinks that everyone is asleep." I smiled as Ryan laughed along with Chaz. I remember sitting with her in the studio, my hair almost covering my eyes, my heart beating fast, and catching her smile as I sang to her. She's always going to be the girl I want, no matter what.

She cared about me and I let her go. The girl that only understood and truly loved me for who I am after I became famous, I stupidly let her go. I shouldn't of hurt her like that, she doesn't deserve it. She's worth so much more.

"So are you going to end things with Hannah?" Chaz asked with hope in his voice. "Soon, just not yet." They both nodded their heads, not going to talk more about it.

"So tell me one more thing Justin. Who do you love more, Hannah or Sciarra?" This was so easy. "Sciarra."