Save Me

13- Confessions

Enzo advances towards me, his face filled with delicious promise. At the sight of his dark eyes, I feel my confidence falter slightly and the fingers I had moving inside me stop.

Enzo clambers on the bed, all the danger melts from his face and in its place is affection and something more.

"Ciao mia bella." Enzo coos, stroking his palm down my cheek.

"Hi." I hum happily, sighing as I stretch out into his gentle caress.

"You're so beautiful, my love. How I spent five years without you is beyond me."

His words make my ache with longing and desire. I knew that I missed him during that five years, I just didn't realise that I needed him more that I need air.

"I missed you too, Enz." I say, cooing up at him as I reach up and caress the soft curl that sits hidden behind his ear.

He lets out a soft sigh and I can visibly see the tense muscles in his shoulders relaxing with each caress of my hands.

"You seem so tense and stressed at the moment." I murmur, before gently pulling him by the shoulders down onto the bed beside me.

I know that he is allowing me to push and pull him around, and for some reason, it makes my heart clench. He trusts me enough to give away all his autonomy.

"I can't help it." He admits, rubbing a hand over his eyes, "now you're back in my life, it's like every sound is something coming to take you from me."

Frowning at his sad words, I clamber onto him, my hands on his chest, my face staring into his eyes.

"Listen to me, Enzo baby," I say firmly. When he doesn't open his eyes, I tap his chest firmly.

"Enzo, open your eyes and look at me. Look at me baby."

His eyes open and he stares intensely back up at me, his hands move to my hips, clutching at the new flesh that has pooled there over the last five years.

"Nothing and no one will take you from me." My voice is firm and full of fervour.

"You say that, but it's out of our control."

"No," I shake my head, "it isn't. How much I love you isn't. How much I need you isn't. How I'm never going to walk away from you, these are all things we can control."

At my words, he smiles softly and I suddenly realise what I've said.

"You love me, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." I grin, teasingly, "you love me too?"

Enzo doesn't speak, he snarls answer flips us over, grinding up against me until I'm panting and trembling with desire.

"I'll be right back." He reassures, kissing my forehead with a softness that clears the lust filled fog in my head and the delicious, tempting sensation of love settles in my heart instead.

"Where are you going?" I whine, practically panting as his warmth leaves my bare body.

"Condom." He replies, rubbing a hand over his mouth that makes me blush, knowing it's my release that he's wiping away.

"You don't need one." I say, it falls out of my mouth before I can catch it.

Enzo spins around on his heels, his dark eyes narrowing in on my face as he reads me. I've long since given up trying to hide what I'm thinking from him, it never works. My man has been trained since birth to read the most unscrupulous, untrustworthy men, reading my secrets isn't a challenge.

"Why?" He takes a step towards me and then picks up his shirt from the floor.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, feeling like I've thrown a cold glass of water on our sex life.

"Don't be," Enzo replies firmly, he's a man of few words, but he always means them. "Whatever this is, we need to sit down and talk about this. Communication..."

I wait for him to finish his sentence but he doesn't. Enzo sits down against the pillows beside me and hands over his shirt. I take it eagerly as the heat of the moment has gone and in its place is a nip of cold.

"Do you not think it's a bit soon for a baby?" Enzo begins, I can hear in his voice how afraid he is of hurting or upsetting me.

I don't reply. I swallow hard and look down at my hands as I fight the need to cry.

"It's not that that wouldn't be wonderful, but with the job and this life, I just don't think now is the time."

I nod my head and take a deep heaving breath before replying.

"Even when the time is right it won't matter." I reply, "I can't get pregnant... not anymore."

Enzo doesn't speak. Neither do I.

Then he pulls me into his lap and wraps me up in his strong arms. It's as if he's holding me together, as if he feels he has to.

"Talk to me, sweetheart." He kisses the top of my head before rubbing his massive, calloused palms over my arms.

"Well... you remember I have endometriosis?"

"Of course I do." Enzo replies instantly, his hand sliding down to rest over my stomach.

"Well... it got really bad a few years ago." I swallow and blink back the tears as I continue to explain, "I was become depressed and I just wanted the constant pain to stop."

Enzo sighs, but doesn't speak. I pause for a moment before I realise that he isn't going to say anything. This is my story and he is just going to listen to me until I've finished speaking.

"I made the decision to have surgery. For them to remove the tissue causing the problems. I-I knew the risks that it could cause damage and prevent future conception but I- I just assumed I would be fine. I was stupid and now... now I have to live with that decision."

"Lucy, you were not stupid. You were desperate to be pain free. And-and I don't really know what else to say other than that you made a decision you thought would be the best for you... and I love you."

"B-but you need an heir." I whisper, I'm not a fool. In the last few years I've read up on every theory and link to the world Enzo could have been tied to.

"When you want a baby, sweetheart, there are thousands of babies who need a home."

"But you need a blood heir, a child. Your child."

Enzo sighs deeply before spinning me around swiftly so I'm straddling his lap, and staring deep into his stern gaze.

"You're mine, sweetheart. There is no problem in this world that I can't solve. Nothing will keep me from you again. If the world needs a baby with my goddamn DNA, I'll fucking make it happen."

"Oh my darling." I murmur, leaning forward and pressing my forehead to his. "You truly are the most amazing man."

"Now come here and love me like you do."