Twin Earth

Part 4 - Final Journey - Chapter 63

I stood awkwardly as I watched Hayden and his team set up the portable snake cake. The thing was remarkably basic in design, oblong in shape with a hexagonal grey metallic piece at the end. It was probably about three metres in length and not much narrower in width. It was smooth too mostly, with only a few openings to hint as something going on inside. In a way it reminded me of the alien black box, but less sophisticated, especially with the odd loose wire and tubing hanging out underneath, whatever they were for. Regardless, I felt like a loose part. I wasn't sure why I was needed here even if I had suggested coming. Everyone now knew in great detail what I had learned up in space, but even so Hayden insisted on showing me everything that he was doing. I had to admire his tenacity.

Eventually leaving me alone, Hayden went off to haul the snake cake towards one of the larger stones and I turned my attention to James off in the far distance who was now seemingly deep in conversation with my father, whilst Yuki pondered over her notes under a portable tent that had now been set up. For some reason seeing James and my father together pissed me off, especially as it looked like their conversation was about my behaviour as my father turned to look at me. Rolling my eyes, I ignored them and went to look at a stone. The drizzle in the morning air had thankfully cleared and the day seemed to be brightening up. Even the wind had calmed down, making the barren landscape seem a little less miserable, unlike my mood. I was even beginning to feel a bit bored and debated heading back to the pub for some breakfast. It was already nearly nine o'clock and I was starving.

"Tom," my father called softly from behind, making me jump a little as I stood running my hand over the stone now in front of me. "You okay? James said..."

"Yes, I can imagine what James said," I interrupted sarcastically. "But I'm fine, honest."

"You guys are best friends," my father continued undeterred. "It seems a shame to dwell on the past and let that ruin how things are now. This is an exciting time."

"You don't know anything about my past," I snapped, turning to look at my father.

"Now you listen. I know you have been through a lot, we all have, but you have to let what happened with that astronaut go. It is eating you up!"

Remaining silent, I turned away and stared out at the view.

"Your ex-wife was a poisonous woman. What she did to you is unforgivable. You are a good scientist and a good man with a good heart. Don't let how she treated you ruin your life now."

"But if I hadn't of got drunk..." I started, fighting back years of emotion as I listened to my father's caring voice.

"It wasn't your fault son. You should not have been called in that night. There were numerous other people working that night that could have easily intervened. It was just one of those things. No-one is to blame. It was just a terrible, terrible accident and feeling guilty and ruining your life over it will not bring her back."

"If only I'd just," I whispered, fighting back tears and wishing it was still raining to hide my embarrassment.

"If only, if only," my father repeated. "Ifs don't help anyone. It didn't help me with your mother and it isn't helping you now."

Hearing my father so openly talk about my mother caught me off guard and for a second I forgot to be upset. Starting at my Dad I waited for him to continue.

"I blamed myself for so many years for my failed marriage, for failing you..."

"You didn't fail me," I interrupted, surprised at my Dad's words.

"Even so, it took me a long time to forgive myself and to realise that burying my head in work was only making the people around me feel worse. I had to move on. I had to forgive your mother and myself. If I hadn't then who knows how many more years I would have wasted acting the way I was. When I thought you had died..." my father paused, coughing slightly and putting a hand on my shoulder. "...I struggled. It took everything in me to remember that promise I made to you."