Trigger warning
SELF HARM
~Victor~
Athena was kissing me.
Panic rose inside of me. I’m with Hazel. I love Hazel.
I pushed Athena off me, and she looked shocked.
“What was that for?” she said innocently. I was on the verge of tears as I rushed past her.
That wasn’t supposed to happen. Oh god what am I going to do I have to tell Hazel because I’m with her but what is she going to think.
I walked to the kitchen to see if Hazel was there. Gael and Jay are here.
“Have you seen Hazel?” I said panicky.
“Nope. Why is she okay?” Jay said.
“I think I saw her leave with that Zach guy.”
I didn’t know what to think. I texted her.
Victor: Are you okay? Are you safe?
Three dots showed up but then went away making me upset. I said bye to Jay and Gael and left. I had to go see Hazel. What if she saw Athena kiss me? Oh no I messed up bad.
I got in the car and headed over to her house. When I got there, I hurried to the door and knocked. The door opened and I saw Zach. I want to punch him so badly right now.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you ever again. So just go away before you hurt her even more than you already did.”
“Wh- what do you mean?”
“Don’t play that with me. Just go please.”
I backed away and just thought for a minute. What does he mean hurt her? I didn’t do anything, it was Athena.
I walked back to my car and drove home. As soon as I got home, I just ran straight to my room.
Why did this have to happen? I thought we had something good even if it was just fake. Tears started running down my face as I continued to think about her.
I can’t do this, it’s too much. I haven’t gotten around to telling her, but I fell in love with her
and it hurts to even think about her now.
Why did Athena have to kiss me she shouldn’t have. Why did this have to happen to me?
I went to the bathroom and got in the shower to stop thinking but it just made me think of her more. I got out and saw my razor. ‘Don’t even think about it Victor’ I thought to myself. I grabbed the razor and started getting the plastic off so I could get the razor blade.
When I got the blade out, I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t stop thinking. So, I looked down at my arm and started cutting a line. It was on my upper forearm, so it was easy to hide. As the blood ran down my arm, I wasn’t thinking about her anymore.
It felt good like I needed more, so I cut again, I couldn’t stop. I cut it one more time but this time it was deep, and it was bleeding worse than all the others. So, I put the blade down and cleaned up the cuts to see if it’ll help.
It did. I looked at my arm in the mirror and felt guilty but also good, like I got what I deserved. I don’t deserve Hazel.
I went to lay down and I was thinking about her but every time I thought of her, I would press on the cuts so I would stop.
Eventually I drifted off to sleep.
_________________________________________________________
Skipped to the last day of school
Hazel hasn’t been at school. I’m worried about her, but I know that she doesn’t want to see me. Zach came to school for 3 out of 5 days.
He pisses me off, but I can’t do anything because at least someone is taking care of my girl. Today is the last day of school and Zach did come today so that he could get Hazel’s stuff for her as well as his own stuff.
While I was in the hallway, I saw him. So, I decided to go up to him.
“Hey, Zach, right? Anyways I just wanted to know how Hazel is. She isn’t talking to me and-” he cut me off.
“She doesn’t need a dick like you in her life so you can go fuck yourself and hang out with Athena. Y’all deserve each other you little bitch.” He had a strong accent when he raised his voice.
I walked away with my head down. So, she did see Athena kiss me...
I must make this right. I must but I don’t know how because I don’t want to push her into seeing me. So, I’ll wait, but... I don’t even know at this point.
----------
After school I decided to go over to Jay’s house. He always knows how to help and hey even if he doesn’t, he’s a great listener.
-------
“Wait so let me get this straight. Athena kissed YOU and Hazel saw it and disappeared?”
“Well yeah but I guess she didn’t see me pull away as soon and it happened.”
“That makes sense. I’m sorry Vic. Maybe you could try talking to Aiden about it even though he might try to kill you...”
“I don’t know maybe. I tried asking Zach earlier how she was, but he just basically told me she doesn’t deserve a dick like me. Which he isn’t lying.”
“Your not a dick Victor and don’t listen to Zach he doesn’t know you. Wanna stay the night?”
“Yeah sure.”
-----------------
We stayed up late but ended up going to sleep around 4am. When I went to sleep, I just kept imagining Hazel crying about me in Zach’s arms. I woke up and looked at my phone to see it was only 5am.
Then I glanced at my notifications. One was a text from Dad and as I scrolled, I seen Hazel. I pressed it immediately and then unlocked my phone.
Hazel: Hey, Victor. I know I’ve been MIA, but I was wondering if we could talk tmr?(Or technically today since it’s so late) Just at the café at noon. And I’m sorry that I’m texting you at 5 o’clock in the morning.
Me: No, it’s fine I’m awake anyways but I will be there, love, I promise.
I finally went to sleep, and I was nervous, but I could actually sleep better.
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You guys I am so so sorry it took me forever to post I’ve just had literally no motivation at all. And I’m sorry for it not being a long chapter but at least I'm finally posting right. Anyways I am gonna do Hazels POV next so y’all finally get to know after months of me not posting so I will write that chapter soon I’m hoping tmr but idk but I will try I promise and again I’m sorry for not posting and also thank y’all sm for so many reads.
Love y’all
- Rylee<3
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