Checkmate

13. Love is sacrifice

All the boys were asleep, or so I thought once I returned to camp. The moment I sat on my bed, a sharp tapping I knew to be Felix pulled me out of my thoughts. I felt myself smile happily and bounded to the door and straight out, Felix hot on my heels. We raced to the treehouse, thankful that I could remember the way.

Once inside, we wasted no time, and instantly his mouth was on mine. My hands found their way into his mess of hair, pulling him closer. I became lost in the feel of him before a thought occurred to me. "Wait," I gasped, allowing him to move away first. "I have to tell you-"

"Pan kissed you. I know. He's done it a lot."

"You know?" I gasped, pushing him back slightly to look at his face better. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you kiss him to butter him up and to protect the boys."

"Right."

"You kiss me because you want to."

He smirked, causing me to smirk with him. "You know it's an act?"

"It's always been an act," he admitted. "Me attempting to kill you was supposed to be an act, but the way you defended yourself was not."

"So, you never hated me?"

Felix smiled warmly and gently tucked a piece of my hair behind my right ear. "I thought you beautiful the moment I first laid eyes on you."

"Don't tell me you fell in love with me?" I flashed him a smile as he blushed.

"I wish I could, but you aren't mine."

I allowed a moment for his words to rest in the air before I spoke. "If it's any consolation, I want to be."

Felix's head flicked up sharply for his eyes to lock on mine. "The moment you collapsed into my arms on the ship. I watched your blood soak your clothes and your head drop to my chest. I refused to let anyone else touch you, choosing to carry you back to the cabin myself. I would have stayed with you, had Pan allowed it."

"Felix," I heard myself whisper, but still he continued.

"You will forever belong to him. I cannot have you."

"We can have now, here. Just us." Felix smirked as I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine.

For weeks, we continued like that, stealing kisses in a hut that didn't belong to either of us. Pan remained oblivious as he kept his attention on the boys and the island, the boy king actively ignoring me after our kiss. I spent my days training with the boys, afternoons visiting my father, and nights with Felix. Sometimes my dreams were invaded by Pan asking me out of the blue questions like my opinion on training regimes or food times, but once he had received my answer, he would quickly leave to avoid more conversation.

Felix and I met secretly until one night, after a rather tumultuous day fighting off the Neverbeasts from the camp, Felix came to collect me late, and seemed hesitant to kiss me. We led upon a blanket on the floor of the hut in mostly silence, just the two of us revelling in the presence of one another.

Felix turned to face me, and after a moment of silent staring, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my right ear and kissed me softly. He rested his forehead on mine and laughed to himself before his smile fell. I felt myself lean into his touch as his finger traced my hairline and down to my chin before he whispered. "As much as I wish I could, I can't keep you."

"Of course you can." Felix shook his head. "We can keep meeting in secret as we have done for all this time."

"No, you have to keep Pan happy. We can't do this. You have to choose Pan."