Checkmate

27. Family Meeting

My heart ached as I sat on the couch in Neal's kitchenette, watching him prepare a suitable supper from the picnic remnants that hadn't been touched. When he eventually handed me a plate with a sandwich and a few assorted treats, I picked at the meal forlornly as the tv blared some show about people blind dating.

"Sorry,"  Neal muttered, quickly switching off the tv with the remote, the screen falling blank instantly. "I'm not going to ask," he said before taking a bite of a sandwich.

I put my plate down slowly and waited for him to swallow before speaking. "Felix was awake." I paused, giving Neal time to splutter and cough and digest the sentence he had just heard.

When his spluttering finally ceased, he put his plate down next to mine and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Okay kid, spill."

So I did. I told him everything from the moment Regina had driven off to the moment I appeared on his porch, his eyes growing wide at many points in the story, indicating clearly the questions he seemed itching to ask. "I know you have questions."

He didn't hesitate. "Did you love Felix?" "Yes."

"Did you love Pan?" "I think so?"

"You can do magic now?" I nodded slowly.

"So, you have to die for Neverland to come back?" "Yes."

"And Felix was trying to save you?" "Yes."

"And you locked his memories behind a dam like Pan did to you?" "Yes."

"Why?"

Why indeed, I asked myself, pausing at Neal's question with a blank stare.

I could have lived a life with Felix. He loved me, and I was sure I loved him. But something was missing, a passion, a fire. Felix was a safe, soft love, never-ending yet fragile. By blocking his memories, I had essentially chosen my role as Pan's queen, chosen him over the boy that seemed to so innocently love me, yet Pan loved me too. I had the letter to prove that.

"Bethany?"

I racked my brain for an answer as I thought more about the memories I had seen in Felix's head. They had unlocked so many of mine in small snippets. Pan fought for me, defended me, protected me, and even stood in front of me as Felix stabbed him, the sword originally intended for me. Slowly, he had fallen for me where Felix's love had been quick, but still not as passionate.

"You loved them both," Neal confirmed. "So why not choose Felix?"

"Because he isn't enough," I said finally, many pieces clicking into place in my mind, although many spaces remained empty blocks of darkness where a memory should have sat. "He didn't love me like-"

"So, you chose Pan?" Neal seemed offended at my words, leaving me racking my brain once again for an answer.

"I think... I think I just chose myself." We both froze at my admission, my words floating in the air. "But I still don't know how to save Neverland without dying."

Neal sighed. "I guess we will just have to hope the boys find a way off the island before it crumbles."

"Captain Jones better stick to his word," I muttered.

"Hook? He... He's still there?"

"Killian? Yeah." Neal's expression turned sour. "He was the one that held me first when I was born." Neal's face seemed to ease slightly, but he was still clearly upset about the pirate sticking around. "Time to tell me about your version of Neverland?"

Neal sighed deeply and nodded. "Fine." He stood to make his way to his bedroom, returning within a minute with a dusty box and a sullen expression. "I needed to talk about it one day, anyway."