Emotional Boys 1990

08

"I'm a whore? Is that all I fucking am? I been with you through a lot of your shit, Marshall! This is how you treat me? You're fucking kidding me! Now you're gonna walk out on your future child? Fuck you! You're a piece of shit!" She yells at me, throwing any small but heavy object she can get a grip on, they don't all hit me, but the occasional one does, hurting pretty decently.

I mean, she isn't really wrong in this regard... I'm pretty shitty for walking out after I knocked her up, but I didn't do it for that. She fucked around with that dude, and I ain't interested in her cheating ass.

"Yeah, act like that's the reason I ain't wit' you no more!" I shout back, heading over to the door, tired of her screaming at me over shit that ain't gonna change.

I can't afford no damn kid right now.

"Not like you're any better, heard you're fucking that socialite whore! What's her name? Esdeath? Something fucking stupid like that?" She attacks, making me twist my head back around.

"Keep her name outta your mouth. She ain't a fucking whore. She's actually committed to me, we live together. She let me stay with her when I ain't have no where else to go, not even you, so don't go there! Don't run your mouth about her or I swear to fucking god Kim, I ain't paying child support- you ain't getting nothing from me, can't prove the child is mine with all the dick you take!" I spit at her before opening the door of the run down home of her and her mother, slamming the door behind me.

"I hope she fucks some guy right in front of your delusional self!" She throws one last hit at me before closing the door again with a loud thud.

"Yeah right, shut the fuck up" I grumble to myself, walking off and heading for the bus stop to bring me to work.

Coming here was a mistake, should have known she would find out about Esdeath and it would be a ridiculous blow out. All I wanted was to hopefully make an agreement in which I could see the kid... but no, she had to fucking escalate shit like she always does!

To be fair, I shouldn't have said what I did about her in that spat with the guy she fucked behind my back. I felt like I had to though, it was the only thing I could to save my ass from getting jumped more than I already have.

I gotta be careful though, given that fight, she could probably get her "new man" to rock my shit again with his asshole friends.

The bus arrives and I get on absent of mind, not paying attention to my outside surroundings.

I take a seat in the back, drawing the least attention to myself and I pull my notebook out of my large pocket. My mind is running with thoughts about all this shit, running with rhymes...

***

I pull off my apron and cap, resting them in the cubby and preparing to leave. I've been working at this little run down bar, but it pays enough and I've got good hours, so I'm taking what I can get. I ain't complaining, whatever I can do to get studio time I guess...

The ride home was uneventful as usual, boring and useful as time to work on my rhymes.

I get off at the side walk close enough to the trailer park where we live and I take my time walking back, breathing in the air that's gotten more frigid with the change in weather. My nose feels numb, but it's fine, I'm just looking forward to getting home and feeling the heat.

I don't know what Esdeath does for a living, but it pays well enough to have her trailer pimped out. Yeah she still lives in a trailer, but it's neat, dare I say miserably decorated and everything in it works perfectly. Warm water, heating, lights, so on.

I never had that stability with my mom's... electricity was always out, phone not working, good luck with the water being warm, and you always had to at least wear long sleeves and comfy pants.

I can walk around Esdeath's place butt naked and still feel comfortable. I'm lucky as fuck right now.

I near her place and notice three guys standing outside it.

Oh shit... ain't no damn way Kim... no... these dudes are probably just hanging out, drunk...

Naw, I recognize them... I'm fucked, completely fucked.

"Ay, little white boy ready for another beating? You just can't stop running your mouth huh..?" One of them asks as I near them anxiously.

"What the fuck we tell you about goin' near Kim?" Another asks, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pushing me to the ground.

"Get the fuck up" I'm told, and I do so as quick as I can, too nervous to say something.

Yeah, I work out and I can throw punches one on one, but these guys are buff as fuck too, and there's three of them. I'm fucked.

Once I've stood, I just keep my eyes on the ground as my arms are pulled behind my back, restricting me as another punches me repeatedly in the stomach.

It hurts so much.

Not just the punching, but the constantly battling for peace.
I can never catch a god damn break, I mean... shit.

I feel a couple tears forming as I bite my lip, stopping myself from making any noise.

"Stop what you're doing right now, hands in the air" I hear suddenly, turning to the direction of the voice and hoping it's the police.

No, even better, Esdeath... with a fucking gun in her hand.

Where the fuck she get that?

She's holding it weird though, no finger on the trigger, and rather just on the handle.

Nonetheless, the guys let go of me and raise their hands. The pain causes me to drop to the ground by proxy, but at least the punching stopped.

"Yo, girl don't even know how to hold the gun right!" One of them laughs, but her expression remains cold and unaltered.

"I have no desire to shoot you, this is simply a warning, I will hold the gun 'correctly' when I'm interested in blowing your brains out, until then, walk the fuck off and don't go near him again." She states calmly, completely cohesive and unable to misinterpret. Perfectly articulated.

God I love her.

They nervously run off, hands still in the air as she walks closer to me, gun lowered and pointed away from the possibility of hitting anything worth you know.. keeping alive.

"What happened now..?" She asks in a dissatisfied tone.

"Fucking nothing, Kim was pissed about what I said to her today I guess. I told her to leave you alone cause she went ballistic when she found out about us, honest!" I ramble, sitting up and dusting myself the best I can, not looking in her eyes.

"How bad does everything hurt..?" She asks, changing the subject, most likely satisfied with my answer.

"Well, I feel like my guts are gonna come up through my throat, but nothing an ice pack can't fix" I cough sporadically, holding onto my stomach that I know will form bruises by tomorrow.

"Mmm, well, I've got dinner inside so that might help to..." she suggests, helping me up and bringing me inside.

I hate that she keeps catching me at the moments, I feel useless...

"What we eating?" I ask softly, taking a seat at the small little dinning table in the corner.

"Steak" she states, bringing over our plates along with an ice pack which she rests beside my plant in front of me.

Well, at least I'm eating good tonight. Her cooking is the fucking shit I've got to say.

"Ugh- I love you..." I groan, instantly regretting it but not telling her... I just- how could I not?