Emotional Boys 1990

11

"She wanna get out of the D man..." I grumble, watching her pour herself a drink at Proof's alcohol cabinet.

"Like that'll happen" he chuckles, slapping my chest before saying, "don't worry man, she ain't goin' no where"

I sigh, looking him dead in the eyes, "she's got a fucking 4.0 GPA, she applied for NYU and Columbia, the woman reads the Economist for fun... she's getting outta here, fast"

He scoffs, eyeing her sway over to us at the couch.

"Yeah, well if that's the case, kiss her ass goodbye" he chuckles, taking a sip from his beer.

I nervously take a hit from the blunt I previously rolled, watching her sit down beside a girl and begin a conversation.

When I offered for her to come she accepted only on the premise that she wants to get used to talking about "pointless" things to people without getting annoyed. Due to this, she's been striking up conversations with the other people here, which is nice to see.

Despite her public image, she's a complete recluse, no one but me really knows her. She never leaves the house except for school and work (which she's now graduated from anyways) and she has no one over ever.

"She wants me to come with her, I mean... it would give me a good opening for opportunity..." I mutter, watching her gorgeous face talk and listen intently, eyes narrow, and hair softly swaying with her movements.

"Naw man, you staying in Detroit, be realistic, you ain't got money to live in fucking New York. Besides, what job would she even have to pay for you? Naw, don't bet on chance" he points out, making me turn my head back to him and give him a disappointed look.

"I know I can't go, but I'm getting scared as shit about when the time comes that she leaves here. She's the fucking one man, I can feel it and I'm about to loose her."

"If I'm being fully honest, I think you still aren't finished with Kim..." he brings up, shocking me. When the fuck has he ever been on her side?

"The fuck you mean by that?" I question, voice raising slightly.

"What I mean is that she's carrying your goddamn baby, come on Em, you seriously wanna be remembered by your child the same way you remember your dad? This is serious shit you gotta consider. Esdeath is leaving the D, so you tell me, but Kim would take you back in a heartbeat, I know that shit as a fact. You gotta map this shit out logistically." He reasons with me, making me anxious. The thing he said about my deadbeat father is true, and although I feel no interest in raising a kid, and no fucking money to, I gotta consider it.

That kid is gonna grow up probably hating my guts and thinking that maybe they didn't deserve to have a father.

All I could think of as a child was how I must have been such a horrible kid for my dad to feel the urge to leave, even when I was only not even a year old when he did.

"I gotta see how shit unfolds, but yeah doody, you got a fucking point" I sigh, running a hand over my face, suddenly feeling a wave of stress come on.

This is a huge fucking decision, not one I'm willing to make. Kim is a Fuckin' train wreck, and an emotional mess, meanwhile Esdeath is a fucking god in bed, intelligent powerhouse and logical maniac...

Hmm, but one has my child so I have to be 'responsible'

Fuck.

"I don't wanna be with Kim ever again though, she's fucking crazy man, she's sent dudes to jump me twice! Over petty ass shit, I don't want to deal with that any time I get on her bad side slightly" I grumble, taking another hit and hoping to mellow out, although I've suddenly found myself very wound up.

"I ain't saying you gotta be with her again, I'm just saying you gotta consider that you've technically got a child on the way and the fact is that Esdeath may not be around anymore. All I'm sayin" his hand comes to my shoulder, giving it a pat as he explains.

I know the moment will come when she's going to ask me to either come with her or break it off.

I'm fucking terrified, I don't want to pick either... that's the problem.

I don't want to leave Detroit, I'm finally starting to make moves here. I'm winning battles at the Hip Hop Shop, working on my first studio album, and I'm at a job which I've managed to hold down for the longest. I just need shit to fall in place, I feel it coming.

New York is full of big shots, no one is going to give two shits about me.

But Esdeath is so fucking perfect for me, she's everything I've ever wanted and I don't know how willing I am to give her up.

I know why it's important she goes to New York, but I seriously wish she'd just stay here for university at least, give me enough time to hopefully get a deal.

"Yeah man, I know..." I mumble, dragging another hit before blowing the smoke out slowly.

***

"You're already starting to pack...?" I've come home to absolute terror. Shit is in boxes and she's sitting on the couch, looking at apartments that are available.

This is moving too goddamn quick, but to be fair, the school season is coming up quickly, and she isn't taking a gap year. She's supposed to be in New York (if a university accepts her) by the end of this month maximum.

"Yeah, I got my acceptance letter from Columbia, waiting on if NYU says yes to me, but either way, I've got my ticket to paradise" she smirks, looking up at me with excitement.

I'm pissed.

Pissed because no matter what I say to her, I'm in the wrong. How can I tell her that she should settle for a shitty Detroit education when an incredible top notch university is offering her this opportunity. I don't want anyone restricting me from achieving my dreams, so why should I restrict her?
How can I tell her that I would like to stay back cause I love Detroit despite its shitty aspects and would rather be in my child's life? Either way, she'll be upset. Not only that, but I've got to put Nate into consideration too. Yes, things between him and my mom are ok right now, but I've always got to check up on him every once in a while, I don't trust her and she could very much snap on him and kick him out or get him taken in by the state.

"Uhm... that's uh, good..." is all I can muster up the courage to say, not willing to get into it with her.

She cocks an eyebrow and looks at me weirdly.

"Marshall, is something wrong, if so I wanna know, you can tell me anything..." she mumbles, closing her laptop and giving me her full attention.

Oh god, here we go...