The Soldier and The Spy: Jay Halstead- Episode 3

Chapter 8

Five Years Ago

It probably wasn't a good thing he couldn't feel the cold anymore.

Scratch that, it definitely wasn't a good thing but Jay was having a hard time bringing himself to care. He was having a hard time caring about much of anything right now, which was exactly the opposite of how he'd thought he would feel.

Lonnie Rodiger was dead.

Murdered by his own father five days ago.

He was still struggling to wrap his head around that, that the man who had fought the hardest to defend his son's innocence had been the one to kill him for his crimes. Sure it had been in a moment of passion, more like a fit of rage when he finally realized the truth but still no one could deny there'd been something intentional about it- Phil Rodiger owned a gun but he hadn't used it. Hadn't used a knife or a blunt object, the most common household weapons. He'd used a belt. His belt. He had strangled his son just like Lonnie had strangled Ben and the other boys.

Had he looked in his eyes as he'd done it?

What must he have been thinking?

What had Lonnie thought, lying there being murdered by his own father?

Jay never expected he would feel even an ounce of pity for the man, not that he'd been one but still...

And he thought he had a fucked-up relationship with his dad.

His snort of derision echoed through the otherwise silent graveyard and he quickly quieted himself, frowning as he glanced at the tombstone beside him. He thought he'd feel vindicated when the truth came out, when everything he'd been saying for years was proven right, especially now everyone knew he wasn't the one responsible for Lonnie's death. But instead all he felt was... he didn't know.

Not cold.

That was about as far as he'd gotten and considering he'd been sitting here for an hour it wasn't very far.

He held back a sigh and flexed the fingers in his right hand, then his left, then shot another frown at the empty beer can between them. It couldn't be denied that he'd done a lot of drinking over this, a lot more than he was proud of but this was the first time he'd ever brought anything here. Cemeteries were sacred ground. Sad and sometimes creepy ground, but still sacred. Especially the one that held his mother. But something about it had seemed right tonight. It hadn't been the way he'd imagined but Ben had at least some form of justice now. And if he'd lived he would have been fifteen. He would have had a beer before, maybe even with him. Even though he and Ali had only dated for two years back in high school her family had always been good to him, always welcomed him and wanted to know what he was up to, how he was doing. Ali had been out of state when he'd graduated from the police academy this spring but Danny and Gail had come. So had Ben.

He'd made him a card, a couple stick figures in blue fighting off the bad guys.

So no, it wasn't how he'd imagined it and it sure as hell wasn't how he'd wanted it but if this was the only way he could share a beer with the kid then Jay would take it.

Maybe he'd come back in a couple years on his 18th birthday. Make it official.

Maybe he should get out of here.

He wasn't doing Ben or anyone else any good sitting here lamenting the past, but he didn't know where to go. What to do.