Adeline and the Ovunque's Key || Ongoing

025

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟓 – 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐈 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠...𝐦𝐞?

I awoke the next morning, head on the mattress and hands crawling to find someone.

To find Nicholas.

But all my hands found were a cold empty bed spot where he use to lied down. Opening my eyes, I took in the absence of a presence that was supposed to be by my side.

He already left.

Of course, he'd leave the moment I feel fine. I surveyed my injuries from yesterday and once again, I'm healing at a rather fast speed. I'm not sure if I was supposed to thank Martha for that or not. The wound is still there but it wasn't as horrid looking as yesterday.

I walked toward the chest at the foot of my bed, pulling out a rich fir green gown from it. I placed it on my bed before grabbing a cloth from on top of my mattress.

Turning away, I made my way toward the bathroom and in there, I carefully changed out from my yesterday attire, letting it fall to the floor. I dropped my feet into the tub. Letting myself sink into the comfort of the suffocating dampness, back on the board. I closed my eyes and let my mind rest, as I lay there, in the water, unmoving and stiff.

Maybe getting injured and going on a deadly journey wasn't a bad thing. I got what I wanted. – The book, reconciliation with Pierre and Nicholas's kind attention.

But it sure didn't feel great to burden them with worries. I must have been hard to handle and care for. Why must I be so weak, fragile and easily broken? Why must I be scared of everything? Why can't I be better than being...me?

A typical damsel in distress who was pretending to be strong. That's all I ever were. That's all I'll ever be.

I brought my palms to my face, knitting my eyebrows together in frustration as my mother's disappointed expression flickered in my mind.

A constant reminder that I'm always and would always be nothing but a disappointment. Back then, it's understandable for I brought it upon myself. But now, remembering it just made me feel as if I've done nothing that anyone can be proud of. I'm nothing, worth nothing and waste to the community of people.

Sighing, I fall backwards letting my body fall into the water. Staring at the ceiling, I tried to push all my thoughts away.

Forget.

Please forget.

I'm worthy.

I'm... worthy.

I can feel my lung sucking the water into itself, making me grasp for air. I jerked forward, coughing critically as I taste the sweet taste of air. Water dripped from my hair as tears and sobs emitted from me. I hugged my knees close to my chest, rocking my body as I cried.

I cried and sobbed for good long hours, there, in that tub.

When I went back to my room, I slowly put on the gown that I'd chosen before. Green was not much of my colour but a grey or black gown just doesn't work much with me here.

Looking out the window, Gerald came to my mind. I better give him a visit today. That poor old guy. Hopefully, he's doing fine. Though, I'm not surprised if he's not.

I brushed off dust off my gown, walking towards the table provided in my room. I trailed my finger softly over Martha's book, feeling its texture and age under my fingertips. I placed it into my leather pouch, where the amulet was kept, before walking out of the shared room.