M For Marina: A Larina Fanfiction

THREE

Everyone's faces studied me as I moved out of the crowd. Their careful eyes watched my every move and detail. I tried to ignore it as it was making me nervous. This was the first time I performed in front of such a large crowd--and the first time I'd ever sung in front of Jim. He had disliked my music previously so I wouldn't believe he suddenly had a change of heart.

The presenter had handed me the microphone as I walked onto the little stage. Was I to introduce myself?

I cleared my throat. "Um, hello everybody, I'm Lana Del Rey and, well, I'm trying to make it in the music career. I don't know how many of you are in it, but it is pretty hard, I must cofess. I've been trying for four years now and I haven't been successful," I say with a fake smile and giggle.

"Anyway, this song is called Yayo..." I introduced and motioned for the band, who seemed to have sheet music for the song to start playing.

"I like the snake on your tattoo," I began. "I like the ivy and the ink blue."

Throughout my song, I found that girl. She was watching me. And it looked like she was enjoying my show. It formed an internal smile.

I wrote Yayo about Jim. All my songs were about Jim. Oh, I used to love him. Then, last year, he started drinking. He promised he wouldn't drink as I had issues with alcohol that I had struggled with, yet I managed to overcome them. He knows how drinking hurts me, but he most probably did it to hurt me, as he loves hurting me so much. I think I lost him to the drink. He became a completely different person. The man I fell in love with had dissolved into all that liquor he consumed. He grew to be violent and arrogant. But I could never leave him. Of course, I was insanely in love him deep down. I tried to enjoy his abuse, and think of it as his way of showing me he loves me, an ultraviolent romance. I had even written songs trying to glamourise my pain and his violence.

"...Let me put on a show," I finished.

People applauded my performance. It was sweet, finally people appreciating my work. I didn't really mind if I didn't get signed tonight, I was just happy to let people hear me and actually enjoy it. It was so relieving. I heard a faint cheer. I scanned the room, it was the girl. She was cheering like a crazy person. I let out a soft giggle, I couldn't hold it in. Then Ben cheered too. So did the man who called me to the stage. Oh, how sweet they were. But then my eyes found Jim, straight-faced, looking less than impressed.

"Thank you everyone," I said, suppressing the ill feeling of his negativity and stepped off the stage. I suddenly felt my insides creating all of this energy, getting worked up. Was this anxiety? And then I had this feeling growing inside of me, it was a craving. I could taste it in my mouth and I could feel it in my veins. It was the solution. I looked around. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to smoke indoors so I headed outside just in case.

It was quite cold outside but it was bearable. Actually, I enjoyed the fresh air that was not accessible from inside. And I loved the streets.

But I craved for something else. I searched through my bag to look for my pack of Camels and my lighter. I pulled a cigarette out and placed it between my teeth. I was anticipating it.

With a roll of my thumb, I ignited the lighter and held it to the end of the cigarette.

Watching the flame catch onto the tip, something startled me--someone--as I inhaled.

"You smoke too?" spoke a familiar voice--that girl from the bar. The soothing feeling from the cigarette and her presence washed the anxiety away like beach shells to the shore. Of course, she was a shell too--shut up, Lizzy! Why am I thinking like this?

"Oh, uh, yep. It's a guilty pleasure of mine," I smiled, breathing out the smoke. "It's sad though because it's quite cold today."

"Yeah, that's the cons of smoking. Well, I mean, there's also the health issues as well. It's such a shame because it's so good," she laughed. She was so sweet, she even shared the same views on smoking with me.

"Yeah, it's sad, it helps me when I get stressed. Also, it's great for songwriting," I laughed.

"Oh, that reminds me, I didn't know you sing!" she said with a smirk and gave a little laugh. She opened her bag and dipped her hand in it.

"Ah, yeah, I sing a little," I smiled.

"You should sing more, your voice is incredible, oh my God!" she enthused.
I blushed. "Oh, no, it's not anything special."

"It is so!" she exclaimed, pulling out a pack of Camels too. We both smoked the same brand. That made me smile inside, so did the fact that she thought my voice was incredible. She was so sweet.

"You're too sweet," I smiled.

"It's the truth that's sweet. Me, myself, I can be horrible too," she laughed.

"Well you're pretty sweet to me," I said. Oh no, had I said too much?

"Darling, you're too kind," she said. I blushed.

"Not as kind as you," I giggled, moving the cigarette to my mouth again. She smiled. her smile was adorable.

"Oh, um, do you mind if I use your lighter?" she asked.

"Sure," I answered and handed over my lighter. Her hands were so soft.

I watched her place the cigarette between her lips, she did it so eloquently. And, oh! The way she lit it. She was so sweet, so smooth. It was almost like it was in slow motion. I watched her. So smooth, so beautiful. What am I thinking?

I think I was smiling and this made the girl smile, faintly, as she blew out.

Her presence was so pleasing to be in. Although I was quite nervous, I felt so comfortable with her, this stranger whose name I didn't even know. It was blissful. So peaceful. I wondered if she felt the same.

But of course, something had to ruin it. And who could do it better than Jim?

"Lizzy? There you fucking are! Oh, you're with this bitch again?" He was drunk. Oh my.

"Jim!" I jumped. I felt heat upon my body. My cheeks were going red, I could feel it. I could even feel it in my head. I was so embarrassed. The girl looked frightened, the poor thing.

"What are you doing here? You two alone, I think I know," he scowled. Jesus!

"No, Jim, this is my new friend," I spoke, scared to death.

"Marina," she smiled, but she was putting it on. Marina. That's her name. How pretty. Mine sucks. Hers sounds so beautiful. A visual presentation of her name appeared in my mind. I pictured the sea, in its most beautiful colour blue. Like the ocean in Greece.

Finally hearing her name sprouted a leaf of happiness, but it was quickly destroyed by reality.

"Lizzy, I want to go home. Now. I'll meet you at the car. Say goodbye to your new bitch because you're mine," were Jim's last words before he giddily headed towards the car. I watched him. So did Marina. She giggled. Then I realised how funny it actually was. He was all over the place, getting angry at shit because he couldn't walk in a straight line. I let out a faint laugh.

After what I believed was enough of watching him, I turned to Marina.

"Well, I better go," I said, pouting. "Could I maybe get your number?"

"Yeah, sure!" she answered. Lovely. "Can you give me yours too?"

"Sure, honey," I replied, getting my phone out. She did the same thing.

"Here, I'll put my number in your contacts," she said, putting her hand out for my phone.

"I'll do the same thing," I gave it to her and she handed me her phone.

First Name: Lizzy
Last Name: Grant
Mobile: (620) 277-3192

When we finished, we swapped phones and waved goodbye. I started to walk to Jim's car. I looked back at her once more and saw her watching me. She smiled and waved. I did the same thing to her. She was a lovely person, I just knew it. I'm so glad I met her. She threw this kind of happiness in me, and it was exactly what I needed.