Art Gallery ~ minsung

10th July

Minho's POV

Yoonmi had texted me. She wanted to put a full stop to our break. I braced myself, knowing that I couldn't break up with her right away. 

She opened the door immediately, with a bright smile on. I cherished that moment for a second. Even though I wished not to see her ever again, seeing her smile made me feel a bit happier, knowing that she hardly ever smiled this brightly. 

"Come in." She gently said, as if we didn't spend the last two weeks completely ignoring each other.

I walked into her apartment, feeling already overwhelmed by nervousness. I hated the familiar smell of it, and the familiar smell of her hair when she pulled me into a hug.

"I missed you." She mumbled, placing her cheek on my shoulder and breathing on my neck. Overwhelming.

I didn't feel any kind of feeling towards her anymore. I gulped, reminding myself that I was doing all of this for Jisung, and for the sake of Yoonmi's heart. "I missed you too, but maybe not as much as you did."

"Yah! Don't be such a tease!" She giggled all happily, lightly bumping her fist on my arm. 

I wasn't feeling any of her sympathy. I just wanted to detach myself from her and avoid her gaze for the rest of the evening. 

"Yoonmi. It isn't like I forgot everything. We still need to talk seriously about-"

"Yeah, I know, but let's do that later, can we?" 

I sighed and nodded. She held me tighter, I did the same to her.

It didn't take long for her to grab my cheeks and kiss me. I had a subtle feeling of disgust rush over me as I noticed once again that those lips weren't Jisung's, and they were hungry as always. I forced myself to act, thinking about Jisung the whole time, thinking about his pretty lips and the cherry chapstick he always had on his night table but never used.

I felt guilty as I tried to answer that kiss with the same hunger, while all I wanted was to be sitting on Jisung's bed, watching the sunset but actually staring at him the whole time, caressing his full cheeks and kissing the tip of his nose, feeling those butterflies fly all around us and hide in my belly right after.

Yoonmi was kissing me, a kiss that felt as difficult as swimming in the open ocean during a storm. I couldn't bear with the needy movements of her lips, too fast, too passionate over mine, completely emotionless.

I felt numb. I wanted to cease to exist. I wanted Jisung to forget about me after my disappearance so he wouldn't suffer from it. I knew he would, he never told me anything of the kind, but I could feel it from the way he kissed me, he looked at me, from our special connection.

I knew what her kiss meant. "We can always make up in the bedroom", it yelled. I didn't want that, ever again. Sleeping in her bed only once would never, never stop to disgust me and to make me feel like I absolutely didn't deserve a person like Jisung.

I stopped the kiss, faking that I needed some air. I placed my forehead on hers as I always did with Jisung, because of course, all I had in mind was him. It didn't usually happen, but now that I was between Yoonmi's arms I was feeling Jisung, breathing Jisung, he was running in my veins. 

"Should we have dinner?" I asked, short of breath, annoyed by the way my hand still remembered its way to her waist, that I thought I had long forgotten in the past.

"You really stopped a kiss for that?" She chuckled.

"I'm hungry. Food hungry."

And that's how we ended up finally detaching, with a joyful Yoonmi cooking for me while humming to the only happy tune she knew, as always, and my numb body sitting uncomfortably on a chair, watching her cook. I didn't even want to speak up, all I could think was how the night before I had asked Jisung if he had eaten and since he had said no I went to his house and cooked for him. 

All I could think was his smile hanging prettily on his lips, showing his cute teeth as I told jokes while cooking some cool recipe with his leftover rice. All I could think was the way his cheek felt against the palm of my hand. All I could think were his cheeks filling up with the rice I cooked just like a squirrel's ones would do, making me chuckle at his cuteness. All I could think were his fingers caressing delicately my hair as I told him how stressed out I was by Yoonmi's acting, and the wide smile that formed on his lips when I locked eyes with him after saying that I couldn't wait to be his. 

Only then, as I shifted on the chair, I realised, Yoonmi had got me trapped once again. She was cooking suspiciously, moving around in a way too flirty way. Every once in a while, she glanced at me and smiled. I had mixed feelings about it.

I knew what was about to come. Her staring at me while eating, assuring herself that I was enjoying the food, then avoiding to speak about what happened between us, firstly convincing me to watch a film and then telling me it was very late and she needed to sleep.

That's exactly what happened. She kissed me goodbye on the doorstep.

"I have been missing calling you mine." She grinned. "Now I can finally do it again. I won't make you regret it this time."

And she disappeared.

I sighed deeply. I felt disgusted by everything. Every single thing that had happened in that damned apartment. Every kiss she gave me, every touch I felt, every gaze, every word. I wanted to burn everything and reduce it into ashes that I would throw into nothingness from the top of a mountain. 

I needed to tell Jisung. I needed him to wash off this nauseous feeling with his presence, his presence only. Only after I would confess that I didn't have the courage to stop Yoonmi from tricking me - even though I couldn't consider it a trick, given that I perfectly knew she was getting me to avoid talking about us. Only after I would let him vent at me, yell at me, fight with me so harshly like I deserved.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't go to his house, I couldn't call him, I couldn't tell him to meet me anywhere. It was late at night and he was probably sleeping. 

I walked up to my car and drove home. That slight disgust wasn't going away, so I went to have a shower, yes, at almost midnight. I washed the memory of Yoonmi off of me, her scent, her kisses and all the moments that had made me hate myself that day. One flaming tear walked down my cheek for how stressed out I felt, but I dried it away and put on my bed clothes.

It was hot as hell even though it was the middle of the night, so I went to the window. I breathed in the city's air, all its pollution. For a split second, I felt my lungs burning. I blamed it on the heat, and on the fact that, once again, I was missing Jisung.

The need to be completely honest with him was pressing on my chest more and more as the seconds passed. I glanced over at my phone and walked up to it before I could even think twice. 

I would ruin his day from the start. But it wouldn't take me long to show up at his house.

v - "I didn't talk to her. I'm sorry, really :("