Cinnamon, Blueberries, & Other Subjects to fill a Book of Poetry

Chapter 10: Revalations

      "Aaah, I can't believe my baby made a friend!" Fran's voice shrieks over the other end of the phone. It's been nearly two months since the eight o'clock phone call and it's taken everything in me to not ask about this Sophia character. Until now, of course. I'm only a man after all and one can only expect me to be so patient. I feel my face heat up as her words register and I roll my eyes to  counter the effect of what I can only assume to be intense embarrassment.

      "I have friends!" I counter defensively, "And, I didn't call to talk about my new companion. I'd like to know about yours." There's an awkward silence for a minute before I hear shuffling on the other end accompanied by a sigh,

      "Alright. I guess you deserve some sort of explanation. No doubt you're just vibrating out of your skin worrying about it." She teases, "Whadya want to know?"

     "Everything!"

      "C'mon, dude." She laughs and I frown. I turn the thought over and over in my head, sifting through all the questions that've been populating in my head since that night. I finally settle on one,

     "Sophia- Is she nice?"

      "Is she-" She laughs again. It's the kind of laugh that makes me imagine her doubling over and clutching her stomach, pink hair falling in her face, and I can't help but smile despite being slightly insulted by her ridicule. "Yes, Sam, she's nice. Very nice."

      "That's good." I frown slightly. I know the next question I want to ask of course, it's the question that's been rolling around in my head with all the worry since the night she said it, I'm just not sure I can ask it without things changing. I don't care for things changing. I briefly consider just avoiding the question altogether and letting things stay as they are, but I know that the worry ball won't unwind until I ask it. "You called her your partner?" There's a pause.

      "I did." Another pause, this time on my part. I take a deep breath.

     "Does.. does that make you a gay?" I ask softly. There's silence for a minute. Then another and I worry she might not have heard me, I don't think I could ask it again if she didn't. But then she answers, so quiet that I almost don't hear, 

      "I'm not 'a gay,' Sam. I'm just.. gay." I think I feel dizzy for a minute. I try to think of something to say, anything really, but I'm at a loss for words. I know what I'm meant to say. I went to church every Sunday when I was younger and still do sometimes. I know what they tell us to say. It's wrong. Plain and simple. But.. I think she sounds scared, and I can't help but think about that. It's Fran. She's just Fran, same as she always has been, just now she's.. gay, I suppose. Or maybe she always has been? I try not to think too hard about that, I think it'll make me dizzy again. Wether this is a new development or not is a question I can ask her later, right now I'm acutely aware of the fact that I've probably been quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time now.

     "I don't think there's anything wrong with that." I blurt out quickly. I'm an idiot, I think, but then she's laughing. Then I think she's crying. Or, maybe it's both. Once she's caught her breath, we talk. And, talk. And, talk some more. 

I learn that Sophia's 5'7, a little taller than Fran and quite a bit shorter than me. She sends me some pictures and I think she looks kind. She dresses a bit punky, like Fran used to in College, and I think that's funny. She's pretty too, I suppose. Apparently they've been together for a few months now and I can't help but be a little insulted that she didn't tell me sooner. I know she had her reasons, I think I even know what those reasons are, but it still hurts. They have a cat, Diego, and I think that's fitting. I tell her so, if only to lessen the awkward tension.

     "Why, because lesbians like cats?" 

     "Don't they?"

     "I dunno, doesn't everyone like cats?"

     "I don't."

     "You've never had one. Ma was allergic."

     "Fair enough." I smile and by her tone of voice I assume she is too, "In any case, I just meant that you've always been fond of cats. Remember when you tried to sneak one into the dorms? What was his name?"

     "Mister Puddles." I can practically hear the grin in her voice, "and, I would have been able to keep him if it wasn't for stupid Tyler."

     "I thought you liked Tyler? I liked Tyler."

     "Tyler was an ass." I laugh, picking at my sheets as I ask my next question,

     "Did you ever actually like him? I mean, did you ever like any guys? Or have you..." I trail off, it feels rude to ask, but it's the one question still burning in my mind.

     "Have I always been a lesbian?" 

      "Is that what you are then? A lesbian?" I think about that. I remember seeing posters and flags and all sorts of things when we went to college. I wonder if that's when she learned too.

     "Umm, yeah.. Yeah, I guess." I picture her running her hand through her hair like she does when she's nervous, it always used to end up as a frizzy mess during test weeks, "and.. I think so?" She pauses and, even though I'm bursting with questions, I miraculously manage to keep my mouth shut long enough for her to figure out what to say next. "I mean, Sophia is the first woman I've ever actually dated, but I've kind of always looked at them different, y'know?" I nod, then realize how pointless that is,

     "I think so." I also think that makes sense. Fran was always popular with guys, all through highschool and well into college, but now that I actually think about it, she rarely dated any. I think I count maybe four in total that she ever agreed to go out with. They never lasted very long though, she always had a different reason as to why. "So.. you're happy? With Sophia, I mean?"

     "Yeah. I am." I can tell she means it and I think that's all that matters. "But, y'know, this whole phone call has been about me. Why don't you tell me a bit about this fella you met?~" I feel my face heat up at her redirection, but I think she probably deserves to ask a few questions after being interrogated this past hour. So, I spend the next few hours telling her all about Reese.

I think I quite like talking about Reese.