❝ 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒌𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔
𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍 ❞
or ;
the one where ashley byers' little brother goes missing. so does belle holland's older sister. and chloe henderson returns to hawkins after living with her father a few ci...
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― season three, episode one; SUMMER OF '85
0:00 ───|────── 34:19 ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %
4410 words
*.✧ 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐄𝐘 ✧.*
I wish that I could say that I was doing okay since Belle died.
I wish that I could tell you that I had learned from the loss, learned from all of the suffering that I had endured last year.
With Bob, with Will, and with Belle.
I wish I could say that it had all given me a new appreciation for life, that I was determined to live to the fullest. I wish that I could tell you that I had been going out every day, making the most of my teen years, hanging out with friends and having fun.
And I really wish that I could say that I was happy.
But that would all be a lie.
In reality, I have barely left my bedroom since that fateful October, only really leaving to go to school, and even then, my attendance was spotty. Now that it was summer, I never really left at all. I hadn't been hungry in months, and Mom had to force me to have at least two meals a day, but I was choking it down.
I had started drinking again, secretly of course, and only at night once everyone else was asleep. I hadn't tasted alcohol since I got drunk with Hannah the night that Will went missing. So, tasting it now sent me right back to that night and made me feel worse, that is, until I drank enough and started to go numb.
And I definitely haven't made any art lately, I mean what is there to draw? There's not a single colored pencil or paint color that I could use to describe the constant pain that I've felt for the past 9 months. There's an ache in my body and it won't go away, and I'm afraid that it never will now that Belle is gone.
I've found myself pushing everyone away, even my own family. Mom knocks on my door a couple times a day and comes in, sits on the edge of my bed and tries to talk to me, but I can only muster up one worded answers so eventually she gives up and leaves me alone.
Jonathan has made me mixtapes, and he comes in and plays them for me sometimes. I think that he's hoping that the music will speak to me in some way, make me feel something other than sadness, but it never works. He got a job working at the Hawkins Post, the local paper, alongside Nancy over the break. He likes to tell me how his day went and I listen, happy for the brief distraction from my own thoughts.
Hannah calls every day, begging Mom to let her talk to me, but I decline everytime. I don't want to talk to her, I mean, what would I even say? "Oh, hi Hannah, yeah, I'm still sad because the only positive father figure that I'd ever had died, plus my brother got possessed and I had to watch him slowly lose himself. Oh, and the first girl I ever loved died in my arms and I never even got to tell her how I feel, and I wish that I was the one that had died. How have you been?"
