And...If I Am? I jjk

- 4 -

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Y/N POV

Leaves started to turn brown, falling down the trees one by one, overflowing the busy streets of New York. Finally, your favourite season of the year has started.

You had gone outside, wanting to take a walk through the autumn air and take in all your favourite things about this season. You call for your mum the second you arrive home and walk through the hallway, throwing your keys and the mail on the shelf.

Nothing.

"Mum?" You step into the kitchen but she wasn't there either.

"Here sweetie!" Your mother's voice echos from upstairs.

Walking into her bedroom you see her sitting on the bed, a bunch of boxes laying next to her on the floor. She was going through old photo albums. It has been a while since you looked through old photos, so you guess she felt nostalgic. You crouch down next to her, watching the photos that have been glued on the pages ages ago.

"Wasn't this way back when she lived near our house? She used to always bring tons of home cooked food after midnight." You point at a picture of your late grandma sitting on one of your old couches with a big plate of peeled fruits on her lap. 

"She used to do that so many times." Your mum giggles and gently strokes the picture with her thumb. "Before she got the heart surgery."

You missed her. A lot. It was the last day of your 10th grade, a sunny day, you just came home from school having one of the best days until you received a call from your dad. You were 16.

Moments of that day flash back into your mind and tears slowly start to form in your eyes. You were still grieving. It's been years but you couldn't seem to stop your tears whenever your grandma came to your mind. 

You take a glimpse at your mum, thankful that she was still looking over the pictures. You barely ever cried in her presence, or anybody else's. You hated to cry infront of other people. You didn't know exactly why, but the thought of letting other people see that vulnerable side of you stopped you from letting go, so you always sucked those tears back in.

To be honest, you did cry. Like a lot. But thanks to your soundproof room, nobody ever got notice of any of those long, tiring nights. 

"Oh gosh is that dad??" A picture of a bunch of young men huddled up together appear on the next picture. 

"Yeah those perms and mustaches were pretty trendy back then." Your mum explains after seeing your shocked face and you can't help but laugh at how ridiculous they look. 

Your parents got divorced a couple of years ago, around when you were 18. It was good this way though. They were more like friends than lovers anyway. You always kind of knew that but just thought they would continue to be like that. Until they didn't.

Especially after your mum found out that he cheated a couple of times. It took you, and your mum, quiet some time to get over that. To be frank, you were still working on getting over it. Your dad wasn't a bad person. He just did something fucked up and broke two hearts at he same time. Your mum's and yours. 

He started a family shortly after leaving you and god you hated him. You hated him so much, it made you mad. But he was still your father, and he was always a good father to you, never treated you bad in any kind of way. He was a good father until he fucked up your mum's life. 

At the end of the day, you are glad he was not in your life fulltime anymore. You did miss him, there was no point in denying that. But sometimes, loving someone from a distance is better than hating them from the proximity.