Scars [An Exclamation Point Fan Fiction]

PART 33

**4 MONTHS LATER** *PAUL'S POV*

The past few months have been horrible. Nikki leaving has been so hard. I hate waking up without her next to me, and falling asleep holding onto each other. I miss the sound of the squeal in her laugh, and her voice singing along to our songs. I've gone to some of her recitals for EDGE. Her dancing isn't the same. She doesn't shine anymore. Up close she has bags under her eyes, and she's lost a lot of weight. I think back to that night a lot. What if I'd gotten there sooner? What if I hadn't even left? Danny's seen me beat myself up over what happened. We go to the studio and record songs, trying to take my mind off of her. It hasn't helped. We're on the X Factor right now. We've been goone for two months. Tomorrow night we're playing in Austin. It's just a couple minutes away from Nikki's place. I've talked to Brady, and their parents a few times. They want me to come see them after the show tomorrow. Like everone else they're curious about what happened.  They've never pressed for details, but I know they're all wondering what happened. When the media found out the next day it was hard. Everyone was asking questions, most didn't believe it was true. Having to tell them that it's true was heartbreaking. I've tried to do what she asked and move on, but no girl compares to her. No one ever will.

*MY POV*

Four months from Paul. All four have been terrible. I wish I could say it's gotten easier, but it hasn't. I miss him so much. I want to call him and tell him I love him, and I'm sorry. But I can't bring him back in my life. I can't bring him back to all the issues I have. I haven't been sleeping, my bags are starting to have bags too. There are days I have to force myself to eat, and sometimes it's barely anything. Everyone at EDGE as noticed. I've been pulled aside countless times to be told I don't look good. Today I'm going to a rehearsal for our big show next week. I walk in and everyone stares at me, just like every other day. I walk to the room James and I always practice in. He's with some other girl, practicing our routine. Mrs. Michaels stands at the front watching.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Nikki." She says. The music pauses and James looks at me. "I tried calling you the other day, but you didn't pick up."

"I was busy." I say bitterly. "Why is James dancing with her?"

"We thought it would be best if Lexi replaced you." Mrs. Michaels says.

"Why?"

"Nikki something has changed about you. I know your break up was hard, but your dancing isn't what it used to be. You don't have that shine you used to. You look like you aren't sleping, or eating." She looks at my emaciated body. I defensively cross my arms. "I think it's best if we discontinue your classes here."

"You're kicking me out?" I ask. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Nikki. This is so you can get better."

I run out of the building all the way to the crappy motel I'm staying in. I get on the computer and buy a ticket for the first flight to Texas. I pack up everything of mine, and check out. I walk by the mirror and glance at my body. My hair's dried out, and my skin looks sickly yellow. I take off my jacket, and reveal my tank top. New scars have formed on my arms. I pull my shorts up, scars on my legs too. I slip my jacket back on and grab my bags. Once in a cab I call my mom.

"Hey mama." I say through the tears. "I'm coming home. I've been so homesick I want to see everyone. I'm taking a break from dancing for a little while. Can't wait to see y'all. My plane takes off in an hour. I'll see y'all later." I choke on the sob building in my throat. "I love you. Bye."

After a long three hour flight I'm finally back in Texas. I'm walking out, when I see Brady waiting for me. I run up to him and drop my stuff before jumping in his arms.

"It's ok." He says. He wipes away tears I hadn't even realize fell. "Why are you really home Nikki?"

"I got kicked out of EDGE." I say.

"What happened?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I'm not dancing like I used to."

"Nikki what's happened to you? You look like walking death."

"Gee thanks Brady." I say grabbing my bag. I start walking. Once outside  Brady jerks my shoulder. My jacket falls down and shows the scars.

"What's that" He asks.

"It's nothing." I say pulling the jacket up.

"Damn it Nikki don't lie to me!" He says.

"All right. You wanna know what happened to me? I'm a bitch. Ok? I'm a bitch because I broke up with someone that loved me, and I loved back! I'm a failure and a fuck up. I'm so worthless. I can't dance, I can't sleep, and I can't eat." Tears continue to fall down my cheeks. "I don't see a reason for anything anymore Brady." I sigh. "I finally.." I take a deep breath. "I finally see why Nate hit me so much." Brady's face pales. "Because it was the only thing I could get right in my life." I'm sobbing into my hands now. Brady wraps me in his arms, and holds on tight. "I miss Paul, Brady. I miss him, but I can't take him back."

"Let's go home." Brady says. "You need some rest."

Back at the house I go staright to my room, and fall asleep instantly. I wake up the next morning, and feel better than I have in weeks. Downstairs my mom has made a huge breakfast. I sit down at the table, but I don't eat.

"Nicole." She says. "Eat something. You'll feel better. You need some food in you."

I pick up my fork and slowly take a bite of eggs. My mom doesn't let me leave the table until I've finished eating. After breakfast I go back to my room and unpack. Brady comes in my room shortly after.

"Hey mom, dad, and I are going out tonight. You're coming too. Look cute." He says.

"Brady I don't want to. I just want to stay in bed for a while."

"No Nikki. You've gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself. So get ready, cuz you're having fun tonight."

Before I can protest he walks out the door.

*PAUL'S POV**

We've just finished rehearsal for tonight's show when Brady calls me.

"Hey Brady what's up?" I ask.

"Nikki's a wreck. She's not eating, she's not sleeping, and she's cutting again." There's a pause. "What happened with you two?" He asks. "And I want the truth."

I sigh, and fill Brady in on what happened that night.

"Do you want her back?" He asks when I'm finished.

"Of course." I say. "I'm still in love with her."

"Well I have a plan." Brady says. "Are you in?"

"Let's hear it." I say.