Forgetting the Past

Chapter Seventeen: A Daunting Factor

Jace and Magnus were arguing. Again.
Alec figured it was mostly because Jace blamed the warlock for not being able to magically track Clary. Probably because that's what he verbally accused Magnus of.
He leaned back on the couch, waiting for the storm to blow through. His heart ached for his parabatai, for all the pain he was being put through. They all knew Clary was the center of his whole world, and without her to revolve around, his universe was spinning out of control.

"If you say she's not on earth, and she's not in Edom, where the hell did she go?" Jace shouted.
"How do you suppose I would know that? At this point were praying for a miracle," he answered. It was best not to get his hopes up.
Jace looked suddenly weary. The anger left his face for a tired expression, and he leaned back against the counter. It might have been dark outside, but Magnus knew this kind of exhaustion was bone-deep.
Jace closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Best case scenario... We get Clary out alive, and unhurt."
Magnus knew that with Sebastian likely being her captor, 'unhurt' was a stretch. "And we keep the baby safe as well," he added.
Jace's face went blank, suddenly confused. Magnus opened his mouth to take back his previous and thoughtless comment, but it was too late.
"What do you mean, the baby?" Jace asked slowly.
Magnus cleared his throat. The metaphorical cat was already halfway out of the bag, as he saw it, so there was no point in trying to keep it from Jace. "Clary is... pregnant."
A moment of silence. "With my baby," Jace said. It was hardly a question, but more of a grim statement. He still feared that Sebastian may be the father.
"Yes."
Another silent moment passed, one in which Magnus could practically see he boy's mind digesting this news. Then it was like a cloud had lifted off of his features. His eyes were hopeful- no, not hopeful, joyful. Wide and full of joy.
"She's pregnant," he said with new happiness. "We're having a baby."
Magnus nodded, glad that he was not depressive any more. It only lasted a moment.
Almost immediately, a new kind of grim fear fell over Jace's face. It seemed to weigh down his entire body, dragging him down toward the earth. His shoulders sagged, and he turned to the counter to press his palms to the cool granite, fingers splayed outward.

Jace closed his eyes. Breath, Herondale, breath, he commanded himself. His chest felt constricted. This was too much. This was way too much.
He had just lost Clary. She was out of his reach. And now he had lost their baby, before he even got the chance to find out about it.
Shuddering breaths. They're not gone yet, he reminded himself. "When... When did she find out?" He asked calmly, quietly. Exactly how he didn't feel.
"It was only the day before she was kidnapped," Magnus replied cautiously.
Breath. Breath, dammit. "Why didn't she tell me?"
The warlock paused a moment, and Jace looked over his shoulder at him. The warlock seemed to take that as his cue.
"She was afraid of what you would think."
This baffled Jace right out of his panic. He blinked his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows. "Afraid..." He laughed at the ridiculousness of it. "Afraid of what I would think."
"She was also afraid for her own reasons," Magnus added grimly.
Jace questioned him with a look, and the warlock purses his lips. "Seraphina," he explained gently. Jace's heart fell once more.
"Right, right." He turned back to his previous position, once more pulled into despair. "It just gets worse," Jace mumbled.
"You can say that again." He didn't.
Jace couldn't stop dwelling on it. As if Clary's disappearance hadn't been bad enough, now he was saving their unborn child as well. He had stumbled across a factor that was once invisible to him, and now it loomed dauntingly in front of him. There was only one way to get this off his mind, if only temporarily.
He stood up straight, composing himself. "I'm going to the Institute to train," he declared to both Magnus and his parabatai. The warlock sighed and nodded knowingly. Alec didn't say anything, but Jace knew that he'd heard him.
Grabbing his black duffel bag, he strode out the door. If you'd ask Jace, only physical pain can block out emotional pain.