star sailors (l.s.)

17. Stars

Nobody knows how many stars there are in space.

I think that’s a bit scary. As a kid I tried to count them so I could find out how many it was.

Sometimes dad tried to help me. We did it nearly every night before bed. Once, we got to 183. That was the most I’ve ever counted.

Dad and I have breakfast in front of our tents on the small table we brought.

We don’t talk so much. It’s not like we hated talking, okay, maybe we do, but we enjoy sitting in silence.

We don’t need words. There’s nothing to say, we know each other well enough.

“How are things with Louis?”, Dad asks, smiling.

I shrug. “Good.”

He smiles again before he continues eating his muesli. My dad looks a bit like me.

I got my eyes from him, nothing else. I looked more like my mum.

I wonder if it hurts dad to look at me.

Sometimes it hurts to look in the mirror and then I remember the raspberry clouds and how everything would be easier up there.

I’d quite miss Louis though.

Maybe Niall too, I’ve gotten rather close to him last year.

And dad, of course. I don’t think he could deal with me being dust as well.

“I don’t mind if you’ll spend more time with him this year, honey. I planned going on a few rather long walks, you’re probably not interested anyways.”

I think he needs some alone time, he’s practically asking for me to stay here a bit.

I don't mind staying here with Louis.

Some people walk extra long paths to find peace or something.

Maybe walking for them is like watching the stars for me.

“Sure”, I say.