Could it be Love?

Chapter 10: Pleading, and Pleading

TW: Implications of Suicide, Mental Illness, Angst, etc.

This chapter may be very triggering for some, please be careful when reading, just in case.

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Tommy POV:

Was it even worth it?

I'll always be a girl.

I'll always be her.

Violet.

That fucking bitch.

I hate her.

I hate how I'll always be her.

I hate myself.

I hate this body.

I hate this life.

I hate that I have to be here.

I don't want to get out of bed each day.

I don't want to eat.

I don't want to drink.

I don't want to be alive.

...

but I can't leave them behind. can I?

I can still stay here.

I can be happy.

Can't I?

I deserve the chance to be happy.

And Ryleigh does too.

I can't leave him alone.

How selfish would that be?

Letting my own stupid problems affect others.

I'm such a fucking dick.

How could I be thinking of doing something so fucking selfish.

The tears began to fall.

Why can't I just have been born a boy.

Why couldn't I just be born as Tommy.

Truly Tommy.

Not some girl pretending to be him.

A real boy.

And now I'm crying.

Of course I am.

I'm so fucking pathetic.

Crying over dumb shit like this.

God, why can't I be who I pretend I am.

Confident, Bold, Brave, Strong?

I wish it wasn't just a persona.

I just want to be Tommy.

that's all I want.

it's all I need to be happy.

I'd be satisfied forever.

So why can't I have it.

Why?

why.

why.

why.

why.

it's so unfair.

just let me be happy.

for once.

please.

it's all I want.

...

I'm sorry Ryleigh.

It's not your fault.

You did nothing wrong.

I love you.

I slid out of bed, and kissed him on the head for the last time.

"I love you, baby. Thanks for being here for me when you were. I'll never forget you."

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Word Count: 303

A/N: hope you guys are liking the angst

because there's more :D

ehehheeh

again, I'm so sorry if this chapter triggered anybody, I'm not sure if I got every trigger warning in, so I'm sorry if I missed a major one.

Thank you so much for all of the support !!

ily guys, see you next chapter !! :D