Bad at Endings.

Chapter 6

John chooses some obscure foreign arthouse movie that only plays in an equally obscure movie-theatre right at the edge of the city.
I consider asking him why but I'm afraid he'll start questioning himself if I start questioning him and he'll end up backing out again.
So I just agree.
And I don't ask him anything.

The movie starts at 7:30 pm so we agree to get to the theater about 15 minutes ahead of time and wait for each other outside.
I, once again, choose my outfit with care.
I'm wearing my faded light-blue skinny jeans this time with a white shirt and my white converse with golden accents. Maybe I'm hoping the colour-scheme will remind John of the beach and the ocean, maybe I just think these colours go well together.....maybe there's an entirely different reason....I don't know.
I do wear a jacket this time because, if John finds me waiting for him outside of a movie theater in November, I'd rather not have him find me frozen to death.
I paint my nails a dark blue because it reminds me of John's eyes and somewhere in a very secret corner of my heart I keep going back to what he so casually said to me not very long ago

- I love your nail-polish-

I take the bus into the city and then another bus to get me closer to the movie theater and so of course I end up getting there a good 40 minutes early because public transportation apparently still hates me.
I'm not sure what to do with all that extra time exactly so I just wander around the neighborhood a bit because I'm definitely not going to just stand outside of the theater for 40 minutes.
I could go inside of the theater but I've never been here before and John promised he'd buy the tickets so that would just mean I'd be hanging out inside of a small theater aimlessly which would make me look weird and feel even more nervous than I already am and, besides, we agreed to wait outside so if John arrives and he sees that I'm already inside maybe he'll think I'm weird too and.....yeah.....

So I just walk around for a bit.

There aren't too many shops in this area and the ones that are here are already closed at this time of day.
They're all old and slightly quaint.
There's a shop that sells kitchen supplies but I don't recognize anything they have displayed in their window. Everything's got hinges and chrome handles and there's a fine layer of dust on quite a couple of items.
A couple of houses further down the road there's a music store but all of the windows are covered up with brown paper so I can't really look inside.
The sign above the door reads: 'Strange Magic Music'. The 'I's' have been replaced by music notes.
I look at my phone and see I've still got about 17 minutes left before John will arrive so I decide to walk a little bit further down the street before heading back.
The last shop at the corner of the street sells car parts. I don't know anything about cars but it does somehow remind me of Mindy's brother and suddenly I'm all nerves again.

I decide to just head back to the theater.

I get back still a good 20 minutes before the start of the movie and about 5 minutes before John will arrive.
At this point the tips of my fingers have gone a bit numb and tingly due to the cold evening air and I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket.
And wait.

I try not to think about the option of John not showing up after all but on moments like these, when there's nothing left to distract me, my mind has a will of its own and it often decides to take me places I'd rather not go.

What if, I think.

What if......

And then I stop thinking altogether.