Bad at Endings.

Chapter 10

It's Saturday and John has promised to come over again today.
He will be here around 7pm.
At the moment it's a little before 5pm.
My mother is not home today, she got called out to speak at an ornithologists symposium back in London at the last minute, the original speaker came down with some kind of stomach bug, she left this morning and will be staying overnight so she's not here either to distract me from the thought that I'll be seeing John again tonight.
That I'll have him all to myself again.
That I'll be able to actually talk to him again and have him actually look at me and smile at me and kiss me.....

I've been trying to distract myself.
I've been trying to keep myself from positively vibrating out off my skin with excitement and barely contained anticipation.
So far I think I've changed outfits seven times.
I think I've finally settled on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, they're the tightest pair I own, they get pretty uncomfortable if I'm in them for an entire day but my ass looks amazing in them. Small sacrifices....
I'm also wearing a tight black shirt with a v-neck and I've spent over half an hour getting my curls just right.
The last thing I did this afternoon was paint my nails. I've gone for blue once again because I just can't stop thinking about John's eyes.
And now I'm just sitting here.
Waiting for him to show up.
All dressed up and no place to go.....so to speak.
It's 5:11pm by now.
At this point it just feels as if the clock is mocking me.
I head upstairs to my room and remake my bed for the third time that day.
I don't really know what else to do.
I'm not really hungry.
I just want John.
I head back downstairs.

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It's 6pm by now.
I reluctantly eat some food. Just some cornflakes without milk because I figured I don't really want to run the risk of my stomach growling when John is kissing me but I'm having a hard time swallowing.
The food tastes like nothing, the spoon sticks to my tongue and for some reason my stomach feels far too full already.
I finish my bowl anyway, put it in the sink, decide to wash it and put it away for good measure, sit down on the sofa and turn on the tv.
After about two minutes I change my mind again.
I do leave the tv on but I get up, head upstairs and brush my teeth probably for the fifth time that day.

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It's 7pm.
John should be here any minute.
I have turned the tv off but I have no idea what to do with myself now.
The house is far too quiet. It's as if it's holding its breath in anticipation along with me.
My palms are clammy and my jeans are as uncomfortable as they get but I have no time to change into anything else anymore.
I look down at my hands and one of my nails is already chipped.
Great.
Just great.

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It's 7:20 pm and John is still not here.
I probably shouldn't worry yet.
I know he travels by bus every time he comes over.
I know how public transportation gets around these parts.
Although....if it were me.....I would have just gotten a bus earlier just to be sure.
But John is not me.
Maybe his bus is just stuck in traffic.
I shouldn't always worry about every little thing.
I take my phone out anyway and open up the internet.
I search for traffic jams or delays in public transportation in the area but nothing comes up.
There are also no messages from John.
It'll be fine.
It'll probably all be fine.

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I wait until 7:30pm to send him a message. I write and delete it halfway through several times and eventually settle for:

Hey, I was just wondering if you were on your way.

It sounds casual enough.
Not at all as if I'm freaking out over here over John just being a couple minutes late.