All because I liked a boy //Finney Blake

Finneys doll

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Opening my eyes slowly my head pounding not knowing where I was with my eyes in a blur. I remember i was last in the park.

How did I end up in a house let alone a bed?

I rubbed my dried out eyes as things cleared up. I looked around realizing I was in Finney's bedroom. On his space sheets. Next to his rocket lamp.

And looking up at the stars. I could see the light peeping through the blinds of his curtains. My one question was how I even got here. Finney's gone and Gwen is definitely not strong enough to carry me dead weight.

I sat up patting down my knotted hair feeling a wood chip in it taking it out. I threw it to the trash with a disgusted look as I heard the door creak.

I watched as Gwen's head peaked through the door slowly. When she saw my face she lit up running towards the bed and bringing me into a big hug.

I gladly returned it.

"I thought you were dead Eleanor!" She mumbled through my shirt

"Well, I'm not...alive as can be" I sighed holding my pounding head.

"Hey got any medication? My head is killing me" I say rubbing my temple scrunching my nose do to the pain.

"Oh no yea of course I'll be right back!" She said going towards the kitchen.

I sat up clutching to the sheets. My knees were throbbing, I opened the stary blanket looking at my blood drawn dirty knees with cuts all over.

I knew falling to the floor wasn't a good idea. I winced touching my knees before Gwen came in the room with water and a pill in her hands.

"Here you go" she spoke handing me the two.

"Thanks" I mumbled quickly shoving the pill in my mouth swallowing the water. I could feel it trickle down my throat as I immediately felt semi better.

"What happened to you?!" She asked in fright pointing to my knees

"Oh uhm I just fell that's it." I said with my voice dying. 

"Why we're you sleeping at the park. How come you didn't go home?" She asked tilting her head sideways

I couldn't answer. I just stared at her then looked down to my lap. I wasn't going to tell her I was breaking down crying at the monkey bars. That's just embarrassing. To her I'm this brave, bad ass or whatever because I'm Vance's sister.

But in the inside...I'm soft. Around Finney I'm soft. With Finney I feel ok. With Finney I could smile...I was happier than I have been this whole year. My heart ached each time I looked at a picture of him on his desk stand.

Gwen sighed as she got up
"I'll check on you later, you should get some more sleep." She shrugged shutting the door

I wanted to sleep. I was tired, very tired. I looked at  Finney's desk looking at how he draws smileys and rocket ships on the wood with a pen.

I opened the drawer finding pictures and a journal.
I picked up the photos first examining them. There was a couple of just his school photos, him with Gwen, and some where he was making a funny face. I laughed observing it.

I quickly put Finney's recent school picture in my back pocket as I picked up his journal.

I flipped through the boring pages until I saw another photo slip out into the bed. It was flipped over so I couldn't see what it was right away.

I picked it up...it was a picture of him and Robin smiling. My heart sank. The picture was so adorable. Robin had his fist up trying to act tough but you could tell there was a tiny grin on with lips.

Finney just had his simple sweet delicate smile with his thumb up. I miss them. I held the picture with a smile with one simple tear slipping down. I put it in my pocket with the other picture.

I flipped to the page where the picture fell reading it.

Dear diary,
               Robin and I had an exquisite time together today! It was so exciting. First we went to the grab n' go to get some snacks then we headed back to his place to watch a scary movie, I was totally not scared at all (sarcasm). But other than that it was a good time. We shared laughs and serious talks. Robin is one of my best friends maybe even my only friend. I don't know what I'd do without him!    6/12/1977

I was speechless. It was so innocent, I started to wonder how I never knew Finney or Gwen throughout school. I thought I knew all of robins friends. The note was so sweet and I felt like I was invading his privacy I mean after all it is his diary. I was fighting so hard not to go through the pages.

So I put it back in the drawer grabbing Finney's second pillow, and squeezing it before I took as small breath falling asleep.

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I wake up with a dry throat so I gulped some water. I looked at the tiny clock next to my right. Seeing that it was 3:40 pm. Damn I've been sleeping for 4 hours.

I felt good though. I got up with a wince from my knees standing up. I walked into Gwen's room looking at her as she was playing with her dolls.

Once she noticed me she dropped her dolls as if nothing has happened.

"How do feel?" She asked

"Better" I said with a fake smile. No matter how long I slept, no matter how much I tried to forget about it. They always came to mind. I couldn't get them out.

"Whatcha doin?" I asked sitting down across from her

"...nothing" she mumbled hiding the dolls

"Don't lie" I smiled picking up a doll examining it.

"Can I play with you?" I asked with a little smile holding up the doll.

She smiled small and nodded. But she kept glancing at the doll playing with her hands.

"Gwen if you want to play with this doll you can, I don't care" I laughed holding it towards her

"It's not that.." she spoke looking down

"What is it?" I asked

"...that was Finney's doll. He would play that one with me when I forced him to." She spoke looking at it.

My face softened. As I put it down grabbing a different doll

"Wait no no!" She said picking it up handing it to me

"Still play with it...please" she asked with doe eyes.

I took the doll from her hands looking at her nodding.

After hours of playing with dolls I looked at the time seeing it was 8:16 pm.

"I should probably get home" I said standing up
"Oh ok, I'll see you tomorrow though right? Walking to and from school together?!" She asked with a smile

"Yea, yea see ya later gwenny" I smiled shutting her door walking out onto the side walk.

Into my house I went seeing as if nothing has changed. I walked into my bedroom putting on one of Vance's old band t-shirts. I took the things out of my pockets

Taking off my pants setting everything in my laundry basket. I set the pictures down on my desk putting the picture of the two boys on my mirror I kept Finney's beside me. I was planning on taking it everywhere with me.

I'm not giving up on him and I will doing anything to protect him...anything

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