The Importance

Get a Grip

My eyes widen and I practically cut every shred of air off my restricted lungs. 

Do I dare move, breathe, or look?

Tentatively, I stealthily pull myself over to the large clear cracked window next to my bed and peek out. Something shuffles around in the leaves but I fail to place what it could be before it disappears. All I can make out is a dark figure seeming to be in a human form with black clothes, blending it with the darkness around it. 

Should I tell Jane and Peter? No, it is probably nothing, I am just tired. 

My fingers are still shaking when I haul my window closed silently. My skin crawls with a creepy feeling that someone is watching me. I don't want to shut my nightlight off tonight. The small white light for reading and homework hangs on a wall above the pillows of my bed, in which its switch is easily located on the black dangling cord that provides its life supply. 

I lay down but stay in soldier position, staring blankly up at my white ceiling, examining every single bump and imperfection it has. 

Deciding not to waste my time I pick my phone up from where I dropped it in fear on my covers. Once the screen is unlocked, I go to my contacts and enter Emma's number. I then glance at the second number given to me. 

It's Alex's number. Why would you give me Alex's number Emma?

I then make up my mind, almost stupidly, and enter his contact into my phone. After that, I just lay there, thinking of nothing in particular as my mind sifts through thoughts randomly buzzing through the back of my head. I soon fall asleep, not even bothering to slip under my red fuzzy blankets. 

I wake up to notice Caprisa smelling my face with her cool damp breath. This is the first time she's stayed with me from the time that I first got here. She nuzzles up to curl comfortably next to me, purring louder than any cat I have ever encountered. I stroke her back as she stretches out to her scarily long length.

"Hey, you. What are you doing?" I mumble to the abnormally extensive cat, not expecting much of an answer. 

In response, she purrs louder and snuggles up closer to me. When I check the time, I realize it is Friday. The weekend! I don't need to put on the act that I am okay for everyone else!

I slide down the stairs, still in my clothes from yesterday, and smell the soft scent of eggs with sausage. I breathe in to relish the smell before heading to the kitchen to see Jane making breakfast sandwiches, Peter looming over her shoulder like a quiet and cute puppy begging for scraps. His head rests on her shoulder with his hands around her waist as if they are in a slow dance.

"Jane?"

"What is it, Lex?" Jane turns her full attention to me as I shift uncomfortably, suddenly at a loss for words.

As I enter the room, Peter jerks away from Jane like a lurking predator. I have only been with Peter and Jane for about a week now and yet, I haven't even thought about showering until now. I mean, I did take a shower when I first got here, it was very refreshing but I have not thought about taking another until now.

"Is it okay if I take a shower this morning?" I ask, my voice in annoyed morning Kraken mode.

"Of course, Lex. I will save a sandwich for you."

I haven't decided if I enjoy her calling me that, but I don't want to bother changing her pronunciation. 

Nicknames aren't meant to be liked. Right?

I nod to her and head back to my room, only turning back once to see Peter kiss Jane on the cheek. A pang of grief blows into me in the shower and I break down, allowing the hot water to soak away my fears and tears as my heart thumps. I am left with aggravating, grisly sniffles when I exit into the air that isn't steamy and suffocating. 

I see that Jane did save a sandwich for me, and they are amazingly full of bracing relief. I finish, then text Emma, telling her who it is so she can contact me if she'd like to. I reluctantly do the same for Alex, feeling soft butterflies flutter in my stomach. I want to sit here and wait for him to respond to see what he says but.....

I shouldn't, what a waste of time. 

Ten minutes of my eyes boring down into my dark phone screen as I maneuver around Jane ad Peter in the house. Jane busies herself with house chores as Peter begins checking the animals. 

When Alex finally responds, I practically jump onto the text. 

Shoot, I should have waited and not given him the convenience of reading his text so soon. 

I kick my toe into the counter and internally scream, cursing under my breath. I jump around for a while, cradling my injured foot as I scramble to stay upright. 

The things I do over a stupid crush. 

"Stupid, fricking, piece of crap," I grumble at the corner after I have disposed of my plate in the sink. 

Suddenly, I'm bombarded with a memory from my angry childhood. I had just finished dinner and Mom was in the kitchen, cleaning up dinner. I placed my dirty white plate in the sink and she verbally jumped on me, scaring the sense out of my little brain. 

"For goodness sake Alexia!" She scolded. "Clean your darn plate! I do everything around here, the least you can do is clean your dish after you've finished eating!"

My small child self had cringed away from her, too scared to stand next to her to wash my plate and fork. 

I hurriedly scrub my plate, rushing back to it after a few steps away from Jane and Peter's sink. When I complete my chore, I set it on the blue towel laid out nearby with other dishes on it. My breathing has quickened as if I just raced 100 meters. 

I look up from the plate to see Jane to my right, looking at me with a worried expression. 

How long have you been standing there?

"I just, um. Sorry, had to clean my plate..... old habit." My anxiety flares as I blurt the words, feeling enclosed in the small space. 

Jane carefully steps toward me and says, "It's okay, you don't have to clean your plate, I can do the dishes."

My hands shake as my eyes dart around for a way out. 

"Honestly, Alexia," Jane grabs my hands. 

Why is she so close?

"I don't mind. It is okay."

I nod, work my hands out of her grip, and sprint up to my room, my whole body full of exhilaration and fear. 

Why am I scared of Jane? She is so harmless. What is wrong with me?