would you love me now? || rini

chapter one

one month ago.

"she remembered. she remembered the lottery ticket."

of course she remembered. how could she possibly forget? she helped him make that list. it felt like yesterday when they made those in her tree house. she remembered the droopy smile ricky had after puking his guts out when he realized he could cross it off his bucket list. however, the smile after their first kiss wasn't bucket list related. at least, she hoped it wasn't. 

she knew he wouldn't be able to finish the list without the lottery ticket, and she was sure that big red would forget. so, before she left to come to camp, she had one of her moms buy one (she'd only be allowed to buy lottery tickets in a few more days since her birthday was after his). she considered the ticket as her opening night note. it conveyed more feelings than she could put into words, so she hoped he would appreciate it. she wasn't exactly sure where they stood. they hadn't talked since the end of opening night for beauty in the beast. they were on good terms then, but they hadn't been ricky and nini in a long time. they hadn't talked at all this summer. not even once. she couldn't lie, it crushed her. especially knowing that he was at the camp with all their other friends, a camp so special to her, without her, pulled on her heart. she made her decision though. she chose to go to california. and hey, it was a good choice. she got her songwriting mojo back, and felt inspired to write after so long.

but the what if's never left her mind. what if she went to camp? would she have gotten inspired there, with all her friends, with her best friends? what if she hadn't walked out so quickly that night after the play? would she and ricky... no. she won't even let her mind go there. not even on the nights where all she had was her guitar, herself, and those necklaces. 

but she couldn't ignore the fact that she missed him. so much. she hoped, more than anything, that when she headed to camp, she'd get her best friend back. driving there, she tried to dim those hopes. she was going for kourtney. just for kourtney. there was no guarantee ricky still wanted to be friends. why would he? she might move to california. they wouldn't even have time to hang out in person. it would never happen.

that didn't kill her hope though. as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. 

nini's california debate didn't help her situation at all. she loved marvin, she really did. she was having the time of her life, meeting new people and writing songs that could actually be successful. but what about her friends? what about ms. jenn? what about ricky? she was a wildcat, wasn't she? they wouldn't want her to go. she was part of the team, part of the family. they wouldn't let her go.

but they did. she didn't think ms. jenn would be so supportive of the idea of leaving. wasn't she her star? not anymore. she wasn't the special one. all the wildcats were insanely talented, she knew that. but hearing ms. jenn say that they would be fine, even with her gone, hurt. 

don't get her wrong, she was relieved that she wouldn't be guilted for choosing california. but would the wildcats really still thrive without her? was she not substantial enough to them? apparently not.

and seeing the play, she knew they would be absolutely fine without her. kourtney killed it as elsa. nini couldn't have possibly been any prouder, knowing how hard kourt struggled with her anxiety. gina did amazing too, just as nini knew she would. she's always been a star. and seeing ej as sven might have been the best thing she's ever laid eyes on.

and ricky. oh, ricky. he took her breath away. she could hardly believe that was her ricky on stage. the ricky who got them kicked out of the greatest showman. the one who complained all through the frozen movie whenever they broke into song. he was so... confident on that stage now. she could've watched him, singing what do you know about love? forever. she forgot how great his voice was. she hadn't heard him sing in so long. seeing him there, singing, eyes bright, reminded her of that christmas night. them by the fireplace, him strumming his guitar, the perfect gift. one of the best nights of her life. she was so proud of him. he'd come so far. 

and that was when she made her decision. she'd go. east high had all the talent in the world, all of them finally realizing how great they are and living up to their full potential. kourt, gina, ashlyn, carlos, ricky, red, and seb would all make the next musical just as great, if not better, than she could do helping them. california could use her more than east high could.

she didn't know how to tell them though. kourt would be heartbroken. they'd been planning senior year together practically since they met. and red. he'd been her buddy for everything whenever ricky would complain about going shopping or watching another musical. and carlos and seb, her favorite crazy and soft people at east high. they wouldn't be as understanding as ms. jenn was. and ricky... who knows what ricky would think.

she couldn't tell them yet. not after that amazing night. they deserved to be happy, to celebrate. it was too late to take back the cards. they'd know that she'd been there. even if they didn't see the cards, kourtney and ms. jenn would definitely tell them. she'd tell ms. jenn would already know, considering she wouldn't be by the fire, but she knew ms. jenn wouldn't tell them. this would be a good thing, she told herself. she could be successful, and so could they. they'd understand, eventually. this was a new beginning.

and so she drove, back to her new home. far, far away from her friends, her camp, her family.

her wildcats.