Tick Tock

Eight

TRIGGER WARNING!!! Self-harm suicidal thoughts and cursing are depicted in this chapter. 

Marinette's POV

I fell asleep feeling better and slightly giddy. I never thought Chat would listen to me like that he never really showed that side. He always just came off as flirty and a dork which he was there's no denying it, but he was also really sweet.

It's been a month. Chat has visited me at least three times a week but every time I seemed to feel worse. I did not feel the small shred of joy I did the nights before was gone and in fact, it was much worse than it had been before. I had felt awful days before but this was different. Normally I woke up indifferent but I woke up hopeless immediately.

I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. But I did anyway. I didn't have the energy to brush my hair. But I did anyway. I didn't even have the energy to put on my regular outfit a simple task seemed so mundane and draining. So I didn't. I put on a black hoodie with some rips in the right sleeve and gray sweatpants. I put my hair into a messy bun completely ignoring the food in the fridge.

I should probably cut the amount I'm eating anyway...

I walked into school numb. Everyone seemed surprised to see me in such a manner. Sure I had stopped wearing her hair in pigtails sometimes and mostly wore it in braids, stopped wearing as much makeup but nothing like this. There were dark circles under my eyes and a clear tension in the room. She sat in the back corner away from everyone while she scanned the room for everyone's aura. To me the inky green meant disgust.

Adrien's POV

She seemed to look at us as though we were predators and she was a scared bunny.  Like we were disgusted by her. But it was anything other than that. Lila, Chloe, and Sabrina now that was hate. To say the least, we all just felt as if there was a drowning pit in everyone's stomachs.

Well, maybe not everyone felt guilty. Alyas and Ninos were a very, very real annoyance and hatred. 

No one was talked to unless she had to. She didn't interact with anyone unless needed. And me, Alya, and Nino didn't even have the privilege of being looked at or even breathed in the general direction of.

I saw the time above her head ticking down the date I had set on my calendar looming closer and closer. 

every day worse than the last...

3 months and 1 week

3 months

2 months and 2 weeks

What I wouldn't give to see that number go up just a little. It was absolute torture

I think I deserve it.

Marinette's POV

The day slinked by as I had thoughts of what would be the easiest way to just get out of my responsibilities and stare at a wall contemplating what death would be. Then I felt guilty that I wasn't being productive. Then I felt stupid for thinking anyone expected anything from me. It was a never-ending cycle. I just wanted Chat Noir to hug me so I could cry on his shoulder again. The bell finally rang and I was prepared to be thrown into another wall by Lila and her minions. What I wasn't expecting was Alya to be there too.

"Look at that Marinette! I didn't even need to use my power on Alya she came up to me first! Told me everything you vented to her. You're pathetic you know that?" She said kicking me in the ribs and shoving me down.

"Yeah, actually thanks. DIdn't need a reminder."

"At least your self aware. Might wanna cut down the calories to fat ass." Alya spat as they stalked away. To think not only did my best friend say all these things about me but she meant them? Lila didn't even have to use her power so of course. Why wouldn't she think I'm a stupid annoying clingy brat who comes to them with all her problems and she can't seem to get a grip? That's all I am. All I've ever been. All I ever will be. There will never be a day where I feel better because I know the truth. No one likes me and anyone who does is an idiot.

I started hyperventilating and looked through my backpack. I never left the house without my inhaler but it wasn't in my bag. Alya must've taken it. I had to run to my house as fast as humanly possible crying as I passed the park wishing things could've turned out differently.

 When I got home I slammed open the medicine cabinet looking for my inhaler without success. It felt like the world was closing in on me crushing me in a place that I was too small for. A thought came into my head as I looked over to my room with the sewing box clearly in view.

I had promised Tikki I would never do it again. Then again I also promised Alya so did it matter? That's a rhetorical question the answer is no. I walked over and shakily opened it leaving Tikki and the rest of the kwamis in the miracle box. I took out a tiny sewing knife for tough fabrics and leather.

The pressure was insane and I couldn't take it anymore. It felt like I was being stabbed in a million places but it only hurt in my brain. My wrist shook as I brought the knife to the thigh and slowly made a small cut.

And gosh it felt like I was giving myself what I deserved. I made one for everything they had called me I knew to be true. Which was all of them. And they had called me a lot of things. After I was panting light headed from the blood loss. I went back to the medicine cabinet and wrapped my legs in gauze.

I walked back and put the knife in my backpack in case I had a breakdown at school along with some gauze. I put on some sweatpants and sat on my bed the sting felt relieving. It was almost as if I was on a high. Doing something I knew very well I shouldn't do but doing it anyway.

I heard a knock on my window and turned around quickly to see a frowning Chat Noir.

Once again I've barely made it. I can't fathom the fact how late it is and I have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow. 

Loves,

Crystal