Tick Tock

Nine

"What are you doing here Chat?" I said quickly sitting on my legs so he wouldn't see despite the pain it caused.

He sighed and came in. "Well... it's just that I feel bad." 

"About what kitty?"

"Let's say I have this friend. And I got a power from the choosing that made me find something about them that would cause harm if they figured it out. What would you do?"

Good, he didn't see me.  "Well, I don't know... How harmful would it be if you told them?" I asked trying to ignore the pain in my thighs

"Really bad. Like really bad. I obviously can't tell you what my power is or you might figure out my identity but that's the gist of it."

What would I do? I would probably feel super guilty about not telling them but if it would harm them I would feel even worse about not telling them. Then I did feel guilty. Was Chat dealing with this all by himself? I'm over here thinking about my problems when he's dealing with something.

"I guess... ugh I don't know. If I kept it I would feel bad because they deserve to know but I would feel worse telling them. You're uh, in a tight spot I guess."

"And she is incredible she really is, she doesn't deserve to be in the dark about anything."

The word incredible coming out of the mouth of chat talking about a girl made me feel a strange pang in my chest. Almost jealous.

"But I just couldn't tell her without something bad happening you know? Ah, who am I kidding..."

I squirmed adjusting the sticky gauze on my thigh hidden by my sweatpants. "No no, I get it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do," I looked over at the clock to see that it was around 10 o'clock. I didn't want to go to bed alone and I didn't want to go back into the spiraling panic attack but at the same time, I couldn't do anything with Chat here.

"I think you should leave it's getting late. Someone must be waiting for you at home, right?"

His expression changed to a somberish kind of frown.

"You have someone waiting for you at home, right?"

"I wouldn't say waiting but he's there per se."

Well I couldn't just kick him out now could I? No matter how bad I felt his feelings were more important the mine. I walked over to my bed and sat down.

"What are you just standing there for come on."

We sat together for a while but I kept looking at him and feeling like an awful person. The longer we spent together the stronger his aura got and a darker shade of blue. I couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing yet.

"Mari has the situation with your friends gotten any better? It's been about a month and a half."

"I- I don't think so it's just, just really bad. Alya hates me, and Nino just goes along with whatever she says, I'm bullied more than ever and pushed to" My voice broke while I started crying for the first time in front of Chat in quite a while.

"I'm pushed to points I don't know if I can come back from and Adrien, I can't believe that I ever liked him for god's sake!"

Chat's eyes widened at this. "You like Adrien Agreste?" He asked

"Liked. Well maybe like honestly I don't know at this point. Whenever I think maybe I can finally hate him like I should like I'm supposed to I just... can't. I don't know why I can't let go of this stupid crush."

"And he never picked up on it, so what's the point? Maybe I should just give up on being happy, it's not like I've been happy for a while."

I talked for at least two hours; all he did was listen to and comfort me. He didn't try to make light of it he knew I was hurting and said that it was ok.

Chat didn't care that I was crying on his suit he just wanted me to be ok. He wanted me to be happy. But his aura told a different story. The dark blue was now a deep disturbing Akuma purple.

"Listen Mari. If Adrien won't see how amazing you are someone will soon enough. In fact,"

I did not expect what he did next. He could've told me he was secretly a rat colony that formed in Paris's time of need and he fought bears in his free time and I would've been less surprised. Could've blown up leaving behind a trail of confetti. Done anything else and it would've had less of an impact than this.

This freaking superhero.

This dumb-ass furry.

The person I had grown to hope that he comes to visit me every night.

He kissed me.

He kissed me and I liked it. He kissed me, I liked it, and I kissed him back.

Our lips parted and we made eye contact. Before our relationship was full of banter and fun joking flirting but this was different.

"Damn you know what you're doing."

I laughed as  I wiped the tears out of my eyes.

"I should get back to my house though Uhm, see you tomorrow?"

"I would like that. Thank you kitty."

I took one last glance at him before he left.  He was so freaking amazing. Kind, funny, he's there for me when no one else is as ladybug and Marinette. He loves me for me.

Or he thinks he does. He may love the Marinette that's pushing through this hard time and still light and happy enough but if he had seen what I had been doing just before he came in? He would be too ashamed to even look at me I just know it. 

Lord knows I'm too ashamed to look at me.  I went to sleep expecting a dreamless night and was disappointed to find that I would wake up in the morning.

But the nightmares came back. There was a timer above my head ticking down to something unknown and I was powerless to stop it. People were beating me and my identity as ladybug was revealed. People shunned me even more and I ended up jumping off a roof and dying. I couldn't do anything and worst of all? 

When I woke up I was disappointed it was just a dream. I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. Didn't know if I should either. I made a pact with myself that if I had a really bad day I would do it, and if it was a decent day I would deal with it until the next bad day.

Which wasn't fair considering every day is a bad day. Which I guess was the point. So I put on my sweatshirt, barely brushed my hair, and went to school. When I walked in I was the only person besides lila there. 

"Hi marinette! Oh did someone have a rough morning?"

"I don't need this today Lila."

"Well you'll get a lot more of it soon enough!"

I really hoped she was bluffing

Sorry for the poor writing I'm really tired and am just trying to get this out on time. Please comment and vote it helps so much! Have a good day/night

Loves, 

       Crystal.