The conversation she had with her half-sister messed up her already chaotic mind. Max began questioning her thoughts. Looking back, everything felt uncertain. She questioned why she was so engrossed with Riftan, what was that made her this blinded. In a span of just over a year, Riftan turned her life around, making her have the will to live her life vigorously. In an instance, he became the reason for her to live. However, she wondered if that was normal. She thought maybe she blindly pursued him, like a newborn duckling closely chasing after its mother.
The moment those doubts entered her mind, the things that Max thought were clear to her, became a blur. She was no longer able to figure out the truth out of her chaotic mind. Now that she was back in this castle, looking back at everything felt doubtful: her life in Anatol, following along the expedition and even suffering in the middle of the battlefield all seemed like distorted memories. The cynicism that was etched deep in her stomach grew bigger and bigger as the days passed, it was as if it would come up to her throat.
“Miss, how about taking a short walk outside? The winds are not blowing harshly today, and the sun is warm in the garden.”
Max, who was deep in thought, lifted her head up at Joanna’s suggestion and the nanny then pulled the thick curtains, letting the silvery sunlight stream through the windows. It was that time in the morning, the only time of the day when the sun would seep into her room. She stared at the cold autumn sunlight for a moment then turned her head away weakly.
“I don’t really…want to go o-out.”
“Miss, have you seen how pale your face is? If you wouldn’t get any sunlight, your complexion would look just like a corpse. Please, breathe in fresh air to your heart’s content on a sunny day like today. If your health continues to deteriorate here, even if the miss’s husband does come, when he sees the lady looking like this, he might just turn his eyes away, shake his head, and leave.”
Her nanny’s lase sentence barely made her get out of bed. Even though she was doubting everything, it was still him who gave her a slither of will to live. Max wore a robe over the loose dress that had grown too big for her because of the enormous weight she lost during a short course of weeks. Joanna then accompanied her as she left her room. The annex was as quiet as a dead mouse. There were no traces of anyone else living in the huge, majestic annex, except for the five to six maids and a few guards assigned by the Duke of Croix to supervise the place: Max was aware of how the servants secretly referred to it as a place of exile. For generations, the Duke of Croix banished the meek women in the Croix family there, hiding them from the eyes of everyone else.
They descended the cold staircase and entered a courtyard full of fallen leaves. The red ivy that had grown on the wall gleamed white in the light, and the bushes that had not yet lost their green color fluttered against the gentle breeze. Max walked along the flowerbed and looked at the dried flowers. A few birds were hovering around, diving for a while on the ground, picking up flower seeds and pecking them. As she mindlessly watched the scene, her eyes caught the guards who were busily going to and from the road that led to the main castle.
Max became curious. On usual days, no one at this time would be approaching the annex. As she watched and wondered what might be going on, one of the guards spotted her in the garden and rushed over.
“The miss is not allowed to be outside. The duke ordered that the miss must not come out of the annex.”
Max’s face reddened at the guard, who treated her like a prisoner who went out of her cell. She knew that she was forbidden from going to the main castle without permission, but back when she lived here, she could at least take a walk around the garden outside the annex or even visit the library. As she stood still with a bewildered expression on her face, the guard spoke with a daunting voice.
