glow•° || skz || nonbinary Felix ff

panic•°

I was off stage again.

I couldn't even tell if the concert was actually over or if I just fled.

My heart was beating too fast.

I stood in the backstage room.

Everywhere were people, talking, and walls.

Walls closing in.

I needed to get out of here.

Out of where?

The room. The fame. My life.

I still hadn't moved, couldn't. People came and talked to me, but I didn't hear them.

My hands were sweaty.

You can't get out you can't get out you can't get out of here.

I was trembling. My lungs clenched.

I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breathe.

'Felix are you alright?'

Chan's worried face appeared in front of me.

No.

I need to run away.

My ears ringed. I lost balance.

I was on the ground, my knees pulled up to my chest. My whole body was trembling so hard.

'Felix, what's happening?'

They don't understand you.

You're a weirdo.

I tried to suck much needed air in my lungs, but there was just pain.

'He's having a panic attack'

He, he, he, he, he

They won't ever understand you.

'Leave him alone.'

him

him

No one will.

My thoughts were a screaming black monster, slowly consuming me.

I didn't think I would get out again.

Why can't you be normal?

Jisung's voice found its way through the mess in my head.

'Felix? You're having a panic attack. It feels awful, I know, but it will stop, okay? It will be over in a few minutes, trust me.'

They won't support you.

'I want you to breathe, okay? Do it together with me.' He took my hand in his.

Everyone is going to hate you once you come out.

'Breathe in.'
I did. My lungs were still clenched, it hurt.

As soon as you come out, everybody is going to leave you.

'Breathe out.'
I exhaled as long as possible, which thankfully eased the pain a bit.

No one will stand with you. You're abnormal.

'And in again.'
I complied. It didn't hurt as bad this time.

You'll lose everything.

'Out.'
My breath was shaky.

I had started crying at some point; my cheeks were wet.

Jisung's thumb drew small circles on the back of my hand.

I tried to concentrate on the small movement, just his warm touch on my skin.