FOUR: Vanilla in Our Veins

5: Who the Fuck is Marla?

Frank sat on the wooden bench beside two out of three of his partners, his ears filled with excited chatter and Christmas music. He fastened the laces of his rental skates and sat up, fiddling with his fingerless gloves. Gerard had already finished fastening his ice skates and was waiting near the door to the ice rink, smiling at him. He looked at Josh, watching curiously as he got up and slid gracefully onto the white surface. Frank turned to Ty and watched him fiddle incessantly with his beanie. He was so nervous that he couldn't even bear to form a perverted thought over Ty's leather gloves.

"Have you... done this before?"

"Have you?"

"No, sir." Frank whispered softly and turned to see Gerard skating out onto the ice with Josh spinning carefree circles around him. He swallowed, anxiety swirling into his stomach. They made it look so easy, and yet, the wobbly mobs of couples and children who were trying to sweep laps around the large arena seemed to do the exact opposite. He looked back at Ty and was surprised to see the same hesitation resting on his facial features.

Frank got up, taking shaky steps toward the opening of the rink. He took a step onto the ice and gripped the ledge, his ankle immediately feeling as though it were made of glass. He glanced up for help, relieved to see Gerard waiting for him not two paces away with a kind and patient smile on his lips. He held out a hand for Frank, allowing him the push he needed to let go of the outer edge. He had an iron grip on Gerard's hand, panting under his breath.

"Just relax. You'll be fine. I've got you," Gerard reassured quietly, "With each step, angle your foot outward, not inward or straight. Kick off gently and follow with your body. There we go. That's my boy."

Frank's gaze jolted between his feet and his Master's face, following his instructions as Gerard pulled him along, skating backward. He felt himself wobble again and he tried to correct himself but his feet automatically tilted inward, dragging his knees with the rest of his lower half. He cried out in fright as he fell, huffing as two pairs of arms caught him. Josh and Gerard helped him back onto his feet, keeping him upright as he trembled, his tiny wave of confidence had washed ashore too quickly and had already begun ebbing back with a strong current of anxiety that he, foolishly, hoped not to feel so soon. Gerard let go carefully, keeping his arms outstretched just in case. Josh held on a moment longer, waiting until the nervous shakes subsided before he took a smooth step backward.

There was a moment of pause as Frank locked eyes with Gerard before he just fell backward again, his legs giving out entirely. He hadn't even moved from the wide-legged stance they put him in, but his body just decided that it was going on strike. He landed on his back, hitting the ice with enough force to wind himself, the last remaining smidgeon of oxygen punched from his lungs. He stared up at the stadium spotlights, dazed and mortified, wishing that the ice would crack beneath him and swallow him whole. Gerard's face came into view, smiling down at him as he held out his hand, "You're doing great, my prince. It's not an easy sport to master, especially in the first half hour."

Frank took his hand and slowly sat up with the aid of Josh's strong hands on his shoulders. He coughed, his chest filling with icy-cold air, his back and coccyx throbbing from the fall. He sat there holding Gerard's hand, unwilling to get up, a solid anchor of fear had now completely weighted his confidence and prevented it from rising once more.

"Come on, Frankie, give it one more try." Josh urged as he managed to get Frank from an awkward sitting position onto his knees. Frank used Josh's stable body as his climbing post, getting himself upright after three minutes of internal screaming. He looked away from Josh's proud smile and toward the gate where Ty seemed to be having the same experience.

"No thank you, I'm just going to sit this one out. You guys have fun."

"Aww, come on, Frank-"

"No." Frank turned to look at Josh and put a hand on his arm, "I'm not having fun being afraid and I'd appreciate it if you respect my boundaries. I want to sit down. You have fun with papa, Ty and I can get some tea."