The Carmen Chronicles: The Beginning

Chapter 9: The Two Carmens

Barely four days had passed since I had seen Benito, and in that time the only visitor I had was an unknown white-gloved hand push a silver platter through the opening in my door. It took me some time to find the little latch that opened up to this small delivery service, once it opened I had a wild idea of sticking my head through, just to see whoever was on the other side. Big enough though it was for my plate of food, it wasn't big enough for much else. The only positive thing that seemed to come out of all this was they were no longer starving me. 

My silver platter today consisted of the finest, freshest fruits you could imagine, I ate for well over an hour, savouring the unique taste of each piece, licking my lips covered in the juices from the fruit and grabbing another fistful whenever my mouth was empty. I had never eaten like this in my entire life, and in my temporary satisfaction, for one moment a part of me considered perhaps this experience wouldn't be so bad. I had never not gone hungry, this experience of having a full stomach every day was so foreign to me - and yet I loved it. I felt strength come back into my body; strength I didn't know I had lost. 

But before long the realisation of why I was actually locked in this room came back to me, and then amazingly, it would cause me to lose my appetite. The only reason they're feeding me so well is because they want my body healthy enough to give Nicolas children - carry on the family line. To them, that's all I am...A baby-making bit of property. It was a unique experience, I had almost felt as though I had become two people. The good Carmen, and the bad Carmen. 

The good Carmen knew why she was here, she felt the pain of the betrayal from Nicolas, she felt the fear of being forced into marriage, she felt her soul longing for her beloved mother, Magdalena. She felt sick at the thought of being seen as nothing but an instrument for conceiving. She lamented her former life, and missed her best and only friend Alonzo. The idea of being stuck in this room for five years, seeing no one, not even going outdoors - it was almost unthinkable. She craved her freedom. 

And yet, the bad Carmen felt relief and joy at the idea of having no more duties as a slave. The idea of being a married member of one of the wealthiest households in the village instead of their slave; greatly appealed to her. She considered that in a way, she would have freedom. She would be free of slavery in her personal life, and whatever children she had, they would never suffer or struggle the way she did as a child. The thought of never going hungry again greatly appealed to her; she considered all the things she had always longed to eat, perhaps now she could. 

The two Carmens were in constant conflict with one another, each side insisting they were correct. Each day, it would always end exactly the same as the day before. I would become so fatigued by fighting with myself I would fall asleep. Remembering Benito's advice of keeping busy, by day seven I started looking at the books on the bookshelf. I took down a few that had nice binding or a nice colour and sat on the floor as I opened them. And then - I would simply stare at the words written in the pages, my child mind thinking that perhaps if I stared at them long enough, the words would eventually make sense to me, and I would therefore be able to read the book. I knew how ridiculous it looked; a child staring at pages of a book when that child can't even read...But I had a desire to learn, I wanted to be able to read, so I kept trying. 

***

Day 21 - I was beginning to struggle. The same four walls, the same books that I couldn't read, the same clothes...There wasn't a single thing different in this room than the day I walked into it. The food was still delicious, I discovered I loved the taste of chicken and rabbit, I disliked venison and pork - though I still ate everything, the idea of wasting food just didn't sit well with me. But on my thirty-seventh day, something different finally happened. I unlocked the latch so my silver platter would be delivered for dinner, but the regular white-gloved hand was missing. Instead, the bruised hand of a teenage girl passed me my meal. ANA! When I saw her hand, I gasped. Something different, someone different! But she was leaving, I heard footsteps slowly begin to descend the stairs.

"Hey - WAIT!" I shouted, pushing my food aside and tapping my hands on the door, desperate for human interaction. 

"Please" I moaned, tears flowing down my face, and I knew she was gone. I half-heartedly tapped the door with my hand again as I sunk to the ground, hating myself for being so close to something new, and missing my chance. 

"What do you want?" the girl's quiet voice asked, I could tell she wasn't at my door, the echo of her voice made it sound as though she was standing at the top of the stairs. I gasped again and jumped on my feet.

"I just want to talk, please" I begged. That's all, I need to talk to someone, anyone. 

A few seconds of silence passed, and finally I heard soft footsteps slowly climb up three steps before stopping at my door. Breathing fast, I knew this was my one chance to interact with someone, maybe for the last time. 

"Who is that behind the door?" the voice asked me cautiously.

"It's me, Ana, it's Carmen" I said through a smile, happy tears flowing down my face. I never thought I'd talk to anyone as long as I were here, I hadn't seen my new friend since that day in the kitchens. 

More silence. Had she gone? 

"Ana?" I asked, pressing my ear against the door, straining to hear for any signs of life. 

"I'm not Ana" the voice said. And a weight dropped into my stomach. If this isn't Ana, who am I talking to...And where is Ana? 

"Bend down, open the latch so we can speak face to face" the voice instructed. 

As fast as I could with my shaking hands, I opened the latch and for the first time in over a month I was looking at the face of another human being. She looked as though she hadn't bathed in weeks...But this teenage girl still looked beautiful. Her nose was tiny, her bottom lip slightly larger than her top, her dirty light brown hair had grown past her shoulders but was tangled in knots and her hazel eyes were fixed on mine, a mild curiosity behind them. 

"Where's Ana? Who are you?" I asked, thinking only of what happened to my friend.

The girl looked slightly confused before composing herself.

"My name is Lucia" she said, a kindness behind her voice. 

"Why are you here now? What happened to the other person?" I asked, trying to understand, desperate to know anything that happened outside these four walls. 

"He fell down the stairs, broke his neck" Lucia said casually. "I guess they thought if I fell it wouldn't be much of a waste" she added with a shrug of her shoulders. But I was more concerned with my question she conveniently failed to answer.

"Where's Ana? Please, tell me" I begged. 

A look of concern flashed across Lucia's face, she stretched her hand through the door and held it open for me. I immediately took it...Skin to skin contact...After such a long time...

"She's still alive" Lucia began. Oh god, that isn't a good start. 

"What happened?" I asked, dreading the answer. 

"She tried to poison Nicholas's food--"

"What?!" I interrupted. I can't believe that, why would she have tried to poison Nicolas? She didn't even serve him, I did. 

"She tried to poison his food" Lucia repeated. "They saw her add nightshade to his dinner...She tried to deny knowing what it was, but nobody believed her". 

I didn't understand. If she tried to murder Señor Moreno's son, how is she still alive? Knowing that was my next question, Lucia answered me before I could ask. 

"Nicolas said death was too good for her, so they opted for punishment" Lucia said, her eyes filling with tears. And I felt sick. 

"What punishment?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Lucia gave me a small smile, "why don't you ask her yourself, she's in the room next to yours".