their endless melody

chapter 8

TW: suicide mention, suicide

It was the day of the concert. Chuuya was as nervous as ever but only thought about one thing. Dazai. Dazai Osamu. His ex lover. He wanted him to be in his arms again, to ran his fingers through his hair, kiss his lips, hold him from his waist, kiss him all over his body and hold him so tight he can never let go. He missed him. He took a bottle of wine and drank it all down at once "Hey chuuya what are you-" he pushed tachihara away and went on stage "What is he doing-" gin said but yosano smiled "He is letting out his feelings" she said as they all started playing chuuya screaming-singing his lungs out at the microphone and after he was done he just left not saying anything to anyone and as he was about to cry someone pushed him in an empty alley "Let go of-!" before he could say anything else he felt a hand holding his waist and soft lips on his, he would recognise that lips from anywhere, they where dazai's shore lips that always tasted like coffee, he kissed him back and their tongues meeting and after some seconds letting go to catch their breaths, nobody said anything they just stared at each others eyes like they felt the love again. It never actually went away. Dazai with his one hand held chuuya closer and make their bodies touch and he could feel chuuyas heavily breathing as he started kissing his neck and ran his fingers through his hair "dazai stop-" chuuya tried to push the brunette away but he kissed his lips making their tongues touch again and he took the short ginger to his arms hugging him and not letting go "Go away-!" Dazai looked straight into chuuyas blue ocean eyes and ran his hands through chuuyas back, chuuya was red and tried pushing dazai away again but he didn't let go. He didn't want to. He wanted chuuya and him only. Chuuya gave up and ran his fingers through dazais hair and kissed him slowly.

Suddenly chuuya started crying "Why are you crying love?" "DONT CALL ME THAT!" he said as he started screaming and pushed dazai away "Chuuya-" "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! I DONT WANT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE! I HAVE BEEN WAITING AND WAITING FOR YEARS BUT YOU NEVER CAME! I HATE YOU! DONT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" tears fell down his eyes as dazai hugged and took him to his arms and didn't let go as chuuya cried to his chest but kept punching him at his stomach "LET ME GO! Let me.." "Shhhh everything is fine now chuuya, I'm here" he cried in dazais arms and even if he hated him with passion he still loved him and felt safe with him. His touch made him feel safe.

Tachihara got a phone call from chuuya saying not to go at their hotel room and to stay somewhere else. He went to the room with dazai and they started taking their clothes off and took a shower together "Let me do your hair chuuya" chuuya grinned "fine." Dazai started playing and washing chuuyas hair but he went down his back and chest "Your body is so soft.." he said while pulling chuuya closer and kissed him softly "I missed you chuuya. I promise I will explain everything. Just let me have this moment." Chuuya blushed and tried to hide his blushing mess but dazai grabbed his chin and pulled him closer, holding his waist "youre beautiful chuuya" he said with a playful smile and kissed chuuyas lips "did you drink?" "What if I did, I'm not drunk" dazai chuckled "yeah sure" chuuya rolled his eyes and rested his head on dazais chest.

After their really long shower they went to the roof of the hotel secretly and dazai was resting his head on chuuyas lap , laying down, watching the stars together like the old times "Why did you never came back dazai? I can't forgive you, you know." Dazai took a deep breath "Look chuuya-" "I don't want excuses. I want the truth. You fucking destroyed my life bastard. I never moved on. I never did. Everyday I woke up with the hope you will be by my side or that you called me or even texted me." Dazai got up and look at chuuya "When I moved here to London I never continued my dream, to be a guitarist, because I had to continue family business. When the man called Hiroshi, my father, I rather not call him father though, well when hiroshi got sick that woman called 'my mother' told me to come and take the business and that they need me and she guilt tripped me. Of course I didn't fall for her tricks but after going into their miserable rich life there was no turning back. They trapped me and forced me to get married to a woman called chiyo. I was so unhappy with her. I kept destroying myself so she could leave me for being an asshole but the only thing she cared about was the money. I tried to commit suicide two times but all of them failed. I couldn't call you. They were controlling my life like I was some puppet. But before 2 days when I found out you were coming I found a way and escaped. I got no sleep to make the plan but I got to see you. Now I'm free. Now we can be together chuuya-" "enough." "What..?" "Dazai that's just not you. What the fuck happened.. Do you remember when we were 16? You were so different. Now you're a heartless manipulator that wants to trick me into falling in love with you again." "No please chuuya I wasn't trying to-" "Enough dazai! I'm done with your stupid lies and excuses! I WAITED FOR YOU FOR 5 YEARS. DO U KNOW WHAT 5 YEARS ARE. I AM 23 NOW DAZAI. 23. AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING 5 YEARS? YOU DIDNT EVEN CALL ME. NOT A PHONE CALL. Go away and don't come close to me ever again." Chuuya regretted everything. Everything he said the instant he said it. But just the words slipped out of his mouth because he was sad and angry. Suddenly while he was walking away he saw tears running down from dazai's eyes. Dazai never cries. Well almost never. He made him cry. His lover the person that meant the world to him his everything and he made him cry. He ran to yosanos room and hugged her tight crying in her arms "Woah woah what happened to you?" Yosano was like a sister to him, they met after albatross death and after that she kept acting like his big sister "Shhhh its okay" everyone has in question but yosano whispered them to leave and go to chuuyas room and stay for the night, when chuuya calmed down he told yosano everything and how bad he felt and how he actually loves dazai "maybe he had no choice chuuya but it was all your feelings coming out at once its not your fault" chuuya got up and started running "Hey where are you going?!" "TO FIND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE".